Ripples in the water blurred the sun’s reflection, sprinkling rays of gold and reddish orange across the lake. A stone bounced upon the water, before finally sinking down into the watery depths, and the beautiful spectacle ended. Hakim stopped skipping stones and returned to the birch tree to join Hayden. She was leaning against a root, hazing at the sun’s ethereal descent beneath the horizon, smiling. Hakim lay down beside her and he too gazed up at the beauty of the evening sky.1
They were two best friends living amongst a world of turmoil, in their own separate peace where fairies and pixies existed, and nothing could break them apart.2
“Do you think it’s true what they say about the stars, Hakim?” Hayden asked suddenly. Hakim turned to face her, looking puzzled.3
“I don’t know; what do ‘they’ say?”4
“That your mum and my dad and everyone else who dies become an angel in Heaven, and they’re looking down on us from those stars.”5
“I doubt it,” Hakim scoffed. Hayden’s eyebrows furrowed at this harsh reply. 6
“Why not?” 7
“Those aren’t real stars; they’re just a part of the big dome that the government built for us. Besides, there is no Heaven. There’s only Hell, and it’s right here.”8
Hayden was taken aback by the depressing message given by her friend. It was like he had just crushed every hopeful thing she wished for.9
“Wh – who told you that?” She inquired.10
“Dad... He... He says angels aren’t real,” Hakim said this with what Hayden depicted as a tone of regret in his voice.
“I believe they are.” Hayden declared proudly, “They also say hobgoblins and fairies don’t exist, but we see ‘em.”11
There was a strange expression on Hakim’s face that Hayden couldn’t quite read. He was quiet for some time, watching the sun finally go down and the moon come to take its place in full bloom. And then suddenly he spoke.12
“That stays a secret between just you and me, right?” 13
“Of course,” Hayden nodded, “Pinky swear,” They locked pinkies together.14
“And Hayden?”15
“Yes Hakim?”16
“I don’t care what my dad says; I believe you’re an angel.” He whispered.17
Hayden smiled. “I believe you’re an angel too.” She whispered back.18
The moment was still, and as perfect as their friendship. They counted the stats, and listened to the music of the creatures of the night. Nothing could break this moment lodged forever in their memories. They cuddled safely under each other’s arms, under the dark blue mist of the night sky, adorned by the stars of all the people who died too soon, too full of hope, too wonderful. 19
They both lay there in paradise until their parents called them home. But they weren’t upset, and the night didn’t fade into sadness.20
Because they knew they’d live on the hope that others lost.
Author notes
---My Prompt Was the Word 'Hopeful'---
---And this is my picture---
http://lafaette.deviantart.com/art/hopeful-48480855
I think I packed in the descriptions quite well, better than usual ^^ Go ME!
Don't know about the title though, just thought it sounded cool. :]
This is quite random, but I liked writing it, it seems so cute and sweet ^^ Don't know how to develop it yet though. Let's wait and see ^^
Comment! And I MIGHT not set the bunny after you. Comment! And the bunny MIGHT not have a bazooka!
A contest entry
- x♥ Pass It On ♥x by Dreams of Insanity.
525 points, ended November 17, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
So, like it? Love it? Dislike it? Hate it? WHY?!?!? *aims gun* [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I do like the title...sounds like an interesting start indeed. Keep going and we shall see where it leads ehh?
. Rewarded 4
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This had very good word choice and description I really enjoyed reading it. Though, I do not understand how that relates to the picture; I can see it somewhat but not completely, but that is up to you yourself to interpret it so I can't really say that's a bad thing. I found the ending to be kind of abrupt. Like a sudden happy ending, it seems to me if you had left the ending a cliffhanger or a beginning to another new section it might have been better especially since the word was hopeful. But I will say that the ending if placed under a different circumstance was very well written.
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Wow, very good... VERY good
My favourite paragraph is paragrapg 19
my favourite statement: paragraph 8
It depicts a contreversial twist to the entire story... and shows the negative outlook on life that hakim has. It is understandable by the fact that what is revealed of his life seems melancholy.
I believe the writing here is amazing, and the peice flows smoothly.
I find that the beginning is immersive and interesting, a pleasant relief from other stories, which though they may be ingenious as it goes on, the uninteresting beginning dampens the view on the story. It is very good to be able to have a deep beginning that is still able to hook someone's attention an have them read on, and that was done marvelously. One thing is, the beginning could have started with a single statement from one of the charachters, a question, that makes the readers want to read the answer... like:
"Do you think it’s true what they say about the stars, Hakim"
to begin, then that descriptive paragraph, then the rest...
but its fine just the way it is
Excellent work!
. Rewarded 8
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YAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Oemgee, an actual comment!
Oemgee, actual constructive criticism! Yaaaaaaaaaays!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! You seriously made my day! I keep on thinking of this as a desperate attempt to actually write a story when prompted, but at least someone likes it!
Yeah, that sounds like an excellent idea. If I ever get the muse to do so, I'll try and edit it and maybe expand it
Thank you again!
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No problemo! Great Story!
I think this deserves a real review...
And I really like your writing, so uh... KEEP WRITING!
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Ok, a little late, sorry, didn't see the next reservation was uploaded... Anyway, your prompt is: Hopeful.
Have fun.
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WHA?! WHY?! WHY ME?! Thank you for making me actually use my brain
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Heh. Nothing like making the brain work. Beats what I got; "kaleidoscope" about all that comes up for that is patterns, which don't really inspire me! So I gotta make my brain work too...
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BAHAHAH! You got Dan's prompt!
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Yeah, but she got stuck, so I changed it for her.
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Heya! Thanks so much for entering! I'm so excited to see what you will write! As Dreams of Insanity has said, #6 will be giving you your prompt, but please don't forget to give #8 a word prompt so they can get writing too!
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You're welcome? Thank you and Star for the contest! Actually, I already gave #8 their prompt, now I'm just waiting for mine XD
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Oh well good job! I already reminded #6 to give you a prompt so I hope you get it soon. C:
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Given, got side tracked.
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Thank you! XD WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. *glomps you*
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Aw. Haha. You're just like Star! XD
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ROFL! Thanks or no thanks? XD Wait til I tell her!
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I think that's a compliment.... specially since I love Star to bits and pieces. =D
Ooh. Pickles. that's a fun prompt. C:
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AND YOU ARE NUMBA 7!
So #7 you will get your word from #6 and then you will give #8 there! Choose wisely, grasshoppa!
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WEEE! NUmber 7! That's a lucky number! *dances*
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