Stand my ground

Chapter one (Damaged)
my (Shadow) P.O.V.
Year 2023
Running did no good but it was all I could do, I felt it following me. I knew I had to stop and face it. It already saw me, now it wanted me. My heart was pounding through my lungs and I was tired, tired of these things always happening to me! Before I knew it, my face was slammed into a tree. I felt it's icy breath on the back of my neck and I started to turn around...1

I jolted awake from bed and sat there, spacing out. Then there was a knock at the door and I nearly jumped. My father came in and smiled at me. "Get dressed and come with me, I have a surprise for you my dear." He declared to me, walking back out. I got up and went in to the bathroom. Then my heart started to race, like if I was being called. Then it stopped, and I got dressed. I wore a long, flowing black dress and my crescent moon neckless.
Then I thought of my nightmare again, why did I keep having that nightmare? Who was chasing me? Why was I running.2

The knock came again. "Coming!" I demanded, opening the door and smiling at my father.

Author notes

Well this just came to me last night so I wanted to write it so I wouldn't forget it! ~Tuesday 8/19/08

I'm not done but do you like it?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • amanda vampiress
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    I like the beginning, it is very gripping and kept my attention! I would like to see you finish this one day. It seems like a good start so far, well written, and I am curious as to the direction you are going to take the story.

  • penStock
    August 20

    Edit | Reply

    Great intro

    You start with open action which pulls the reader in right away. You've begun an interesting contrast and interplay between the nightmare pursuant and the father. By keeping these 2 character roles close to each other, but deliberately unclear for the reader, it heightens suspense.
    Your emotional comments are accurate and personal which make the nightmare descriptions more believable. You've dated the story 2023, so the time period will take on signs of being futuristic?
    Maybe keep the fear and worry tighter by staying in the present tense. "Why "do" I keep having this nightmare? Who "is" chasing me?"
    "Neckless" should be "necklace".
    You've lured the reader into a mysterious plot. You only need to play it out.