Tumultuous Heart and Strangled Happiness

gliding around fueled by false optimism1

I didn't think to realize that living like this only meant that when the truth hit me in the face, it hit me harder than i could have ever imagined.2

No matter what you think, it all comes down to the one day, when you realize that you have been deluded, by your own dreams and ambitions, and that nothing can fix you but time.3

It was my fault, for actually believing that maybe just maybe i had a chance...something that I don't do. I have realized that i must have been a natural born pessimist, though I am sure that I could have fooled many of you. But, that is life for me...4

You know it isn't like I said anything, or did anything stupid, or that you figured me out. I hope you never do. It is just that devastating feeling that hurtles at you going 40 miles an hour, and pummels into your chest, and you want it out, but it wont go through your body, it just flies in and sits there in your heart, leaving you reeling.5

It isn't like no one goes through this, I know that I am not the only one, but it doesn't stop my hurt. Perhaps this message only confuses, but it is not meant for you, it is for me, to vent my feelings, to try to help that lead bullet in my heart to find its way out. 6

I should die you know, for telling others that everything gets better in time and that life goes on because that sure as hell isn't helping me feel a whit better.7

And how many of you grinned and laughed at my foolish emotion...you were happy for my happiness, and I was happy too...until of course the fated day...being yesterday I suppose...came and took away my smile and my joy and left me with naught but these unsettling jarring rude feelings, which fill me with the devastation that was meant for me all along. And I must tell you that false hope, can only prolong your misery.8

If anyone reads this, as I know some will, don't expect an answer..it isn't yours to receive...9

I will return to my misery now, good bye all.10