Stream of Consciousness

“Daddy,1

I’m in love!”2

Gloria’s words ricocheted within his head, echoing over and over. Zach realised that this was the moment his life would take a sharp U-turn.3

Gloria’s declaration had neither offended nor surprised him, as he had been preparing himself for this since she turned eighteen, three years ago. He wanted to be happy for her, to share her joy, to embrace her, kiss her on the forehead and tell her how she had grown up so fast. He wanted to say all those things he had so oft practiced in front of the bedroom mirror. But for a mysterious reason, all those dialogues drained away in oblivion and his mind was a blazing, white, silence. His heart was reluctant to accept its contemporary existence. He stared at his daughter’s face with vacuousness. 4

A chill ran down his spine, a pang of nostalgia, as he rediscovered the verity of her resemblance to her mother. Only if Charlotte was here right now! She could always bring his feet back on the ground. And ever since she left__ Zach suddenly realised, that this was the first time after her death, that he was craving her companionship_ because Charlotte’s affection had been carbon-copied in her daughter.She had the same flair and equivalent serenity about her, no matter what the fret. It was her life’s irony that she had only spent 3 years of her life with her mother, for she resembled her in every way. 5

Ever since Charlotte passed away, he had always had Gloria at his side, to soothe him when he was in distress. And now when his anxiety was centred on Gloria, Zach didn’t know where to turn.6

“Daddy,” Gloria whispered, “Is it okay?” 7

Her apprehensive tone acted like whiskey, bringing warmth through his body, From his wintry feet, crawling up his spine, as if he was rising from the dead again.8

‘Yes of course honey! Of course its okay!’9

But he could not tell how much he meant that.10

He forced a smile and she smiled back. An endearing little dimple formed on her cheek. The same dimple that had first shaped beneath the little pink blanket, twenty-one short years ago. And when she got her first rattle, and her tricycle and so many other times whenever she got pampered. With her first teddy bear, her first Barbie doll, her first make-up kit, cell phone, laptop and the rest_ the smile of an angel, a smile worth dying for, thought Zach.11

And now, Zach could picture the same dimple fashioned on her cheek when she bought her wedding dress. And then walk down the aisle, into the arms of another life, another future, another man. Her groom. _ ‘OH! The groom’12

The thought brought him back to earth.13

He noticed Gloria’s worried face and the vanished dimple and realised he had been silent for quite a few minutes.14

He strained a smile again.15

“Who is it, Sunshine?”16

“Ron.” She said in a shallow whisper.17

And the stranger who was staring up the aisle_ waiting, to take his daughter’s hand, to become the next most-dearly-beloved in her life, to share her love_ took the face of the handsome, young, Ronald Elvin.18

Zach could see the bright gray eyes dancing up and down the aisle in merriment, waiting for his bride.19

Zach knew she had made a good choice, as he pictured her on the happiest day of her life. Her stunning eyes filled with tears of joy.20

Tears! Oh Grace!21

Zach could see her eyes glittering as his reverie evaporated and the knot in his throat detangled. His silence had scared her.22

“When do we buy the rings?” he said, sounding cheerful.23

Her tear dropped down her beautiful hazel eyes and the smile reappeared. He pulled her into a tight hug and finally he begun his well-rehearsed tête-à-tête.24