fresh little taste smiling its way into your bones1
big frozen teeth dripping with white2
it's a wonder of will, sneaking into your face like that3
but it manages, coffin-teeth grinning at you like a stupid puppy4
right5
before the axe is delivered to its skull6
but then gone.7
no more rictus, no more puppy.8
just silence. just abyss.9
no blood-boltered knives or serrated smiles.10
no syzygy of flames, gentle in its murderous embrace.11
not even a susurrus.12
and then:13
you realize.14
the silence is15
so much worse.16
and the jagged man stitched of vacant places and formless shadows17
of empty alleys and flawless razors18
of stagnant corpses and endless hallways19
and so much death...20
viscerally21
he turns his eye and22
looks23
at you24
And smiles.
Author notes
This is my take on fear.
Well, the good news is that my poetry seems to be getting decidedly better over time.
The bad news is, that's still quite a ways from being acceptable.
And yes, I recognize how pathetically dark and self-indulgent this is. To that, I respond:
Suck it.
A contest entry
- Think you gotz poetry skillz? by Naive..
190 points, ended September 26, 2008, 60 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Woah Dark
even though its dark and very depressing. I like it. Its not something u see everyday, its nice to see new things.
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I have to admit, some of the vocabulary went a bit over my head (and I am loathe to admit that, as a former English Major) but I do think you are too hard on yourself. This is a great poem. I love the imagery you use (and I liked the image of the teeths, btw and the concept that fear just gnaws at you - the metaphor,I think, was a good one.
I particularly liked:
the jagged man stitched of vacant places and formless shadows17
of empty alleys and flawless razors18
and such. Great personification of fear. I can see why this made finalists list. Good luck in the contest. -
Are teeth going to become a thing with you?
Because as reoccurring motifs go, I'd have to say, that's an inadvisable choice.
But I think it's interesting to watch your personal style manifest in poetry more. The whole feel that arises from this razor-edged, colder kind of imagery wasn't something I had expected, but it works nicely. pleasantly unsettling.
All this stuff you've been putting out after such a long dormancy period makes me seriously consider getting my ass in gear. -
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Thank you.
No, I don't think teeth will become a "thing" with me, but why are they an inadvisable choice?
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this
was awesome
i very much enjoyed this
it was very detailed
i was involved the whole time
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the name
This was very good, but some of the lines were a bit confusing like the fist four. Other than that it was awesome. Great job.
beginning: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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This was very good, but some of the lines were a bit confusing like the fist four. Other than that it was awesome. Great job.
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I'm not very good ( in fact, no good at all) reading a poem, let alone write one. This one gave me some spooky feeling, even though i don't understand it completely. Sorry, My bad.
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I'm not very good ( in fact, no good at all) reading a poem, let alone write one. This one gave me some spooky feeling, even though i don't understand it completely. Sorry, My bad.
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Lol, this poetry is kinda spooky in some way. I enjoyed reading it. Its very good.
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