It was cold at the top of the cliff.1
Well, obviously, the voice in the back of Lionel's head snapped. It's cold at the top of almost ANYTHING when it's November.2
He sighed as he plopped down at the very edge of the sheer, rocky face and pulled his trumpet out of his bag. But as he was going to put the gleaming mouthpiece to his lips, he hesitated.3
Someone was yelling and screaming, down on the beach. Curious, he dropped the instrument to the blanket he had spread out on the ground and peered down. A girl in a string bikini (why on Earth would she wear something that skimpy in Autumn? he found himself wondering) was running about the frosty sand, flailing her arms and crying out something about Elvis.4
Elvis?5
Lionel stood up and followed the girl's line of vision to where a man in a white, spangled suit stood at the edge of the ocean, hands in sequined pockets, staring gloomily out at the grayish water. Lionel took a step forward and then paused, heart thumping, as he realized how close he was to tumbling forty feet downwards.6
Idiot, the voice snapped. He told his brain to shut up and scrunched up his face in curiosity as the girl screamed Elvis' name over and over again, obviously trying to get his attention.7
The King ignored her, and instead pulled a microphone out of his coat, which he switched on and brought to his mouth. Slowly parting his lips, he sucked in a breath of cold air and hummed into the metal ball of the mic.8
"Elvis! ELVIS!" the girl screeched, now a foot behind him. She tapped him on the shoulder, but he didn't even pause in his humming.9
Lionel's eyes lit up. He knew a way to get Elvis' attention! He turned around, his back to the cliff's edge, and squinted at the icy ground, trying to locate his trumpet.10
An enormous spider scuttled over his bag, and he gave a yelp as he took a step backwards. His foot collided with something hard and cold, and he was falling.11
The girl in the bikini turned around and screamed even louder as she watched the man hurdle through the air and hit the ground with a combination of a SPLAT and a CRUNCH. She rushed over to him, forgetting about the King of Rock'n'Roll, who hadn't even taken a breath, and dropped to her knees beside the still figure, gagging when she spotted his arm, his head, and his foot, all several yards apart, all about five feet from the body itself. She turned back to Elvis.12
"ELVIS!" she wailed. "Help me! This man is dead!"13
At last, the figure turned around and sighed, shoving the mic back into his pocket. He pulled out a sleek, silver cellphone instead, and punched a few buttons before attatching it to his ear. He mumbled something the girl couldn't understand, and then, seconds later, a large golden Convertible pulled up, seemingly out of nowhere.14
About four guys in tuxedos jumped out and hurried to the body. The girl watched, eyes bulging, as they pulled out needles and thread and giant tubes of glue, and fussed over him for awhile before looking at eachother, shrugging, and walking away. Elvis called another number, and several large, white ponies galloped out of a cave under the dock and stomped all over the corpse, pausing and sharing a similar look before leaving.15
The girl's mouth dropped open. What the hell was going on? She turned to the King, who had taken his microphone out again.16
"What just happened?" she demanded.17
He spoke up for the first time. "Let me tell you a story," he rumbled. And then he began to sing:18
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall19
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall20
All the King's horses and all the King's men21
Couldn't put Humpty together again."22
He looked at the girl, but she was passed out cold, probably from shock. Shrugging, he pulled an oversized cheeseburger out of his shirt pocket, tucked a fried banana into it, and walked away as he munched.
Author notes
Aaaah! This was QUITE random. But cés la víe, I guess.
A contest entry
- Nursery Rhymes by Lawliet.
180 points, ended September 2, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Did this even make ANY sense?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
yes!
I loved it! However, I think that you should not have included the rhyme and let the reader figure it out themselves. Overall, it was great! -
When the horses came out, I finally got it. This was crazy random, and very hilarious. I half expected a song in there somewhere, from the King. Maybe it was too subtle for me!
-
This is really clever! I wasn't expecting the nursrey rhyme at the end, but it made a lot of sense when I found out it was humpty dumpty. A brilliant idea, very orginal. Not fantastic in the way of emotion, but that didn't matter!
Well done! -
Very random. I enjoyed it a fair bit for otherwise I wouldn't be commenting right now. Good punctuation and grammah. I wish you good luck in the contest.
-
erm...
erm.....Im going to be the sore thumb in your comments box to say I actually didnt like it. Grammatically it was fine. But it just didnt hold me. And thats maybe due in part to its randomness. From what Ive read usually you can derive some kind of subtext from a random piece, ie. a subconcious dream, desires. Up until the last paragraph I got the impression that this might of been about or based upon a dream. But then this was all swept away and by the end of it I thought well what was the point ?
Its good as a random practice but as a stand alone story I think not. Too much hash and not enough direction. -
-
Well...thank you...I guess? This was a contest entry, and I'd like you to know that I'm only thirteen, and I'm a bit new to the whole writer's experience. This comment stung a little but thank you for the constructive criticism.
-
-
Haha, that was definately interesting. I loved it in all it's randomness. Very funny, good job
-
....very random! But I loved it cause it was so random! Ha ha, this was quirky and just plain funny. Great job!
-
this was the randomist
-
Yeah it was kinda random in the end. I enjoyed this piece of owrk, because of its unique style. Its very smart of you to use Elvis as the king cause he is one lol. Keep up the good work
-
Well Crafted
A strange little piece, but quite well done. I didn't realize Humpty's real name was Lionel. I've combed through it a few times looking for typos, grammatical errors, and such, but can't find anything significant, so good attention to detail. The only comment I might add is that in paragraph 4 you use paranthesis for his inner thoughts. I tend to use single quotes: 'Why on earth ...' Some people use double quotes and let the sentence indicate it's a thought. I don't think there's any particular standard, but I prefer the singles because it makes it distinct. Anyway, nice job.
-
XD!
It took me a while to get it, but at least I got it before he said the "Humpty Dumpty" rhyme. This is awesome, funny, and spectacular. It makes perfect since. Elivs "The King" XD. Omg, wow. This made my day! Thanks a lot for posting it, I just started laughing inside.
I absolutely LOVED the last sentence. That was the most random of them all! *High Fives you* Awesome, spectacular, magnificent job! Write more! You're hilarious! XD
-
Wow that was great! I loved it!
-
hahahahaha! I love that, it's so creative! I never would've thought to use "the king" as elvis instead of as an actual king. Great, great, great!
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
