In the shadows, Scorpius Malfoy watched the pathetic scene unfold in front of him. Exhausted from an afternoon of Quidditch practise, Albus Potter’s hand woodenly slid down Ashe as she slipped from his lap. He nodded, and then closed his eyes. "Just rest my eyes for a minute - then I'll be fine," he murmured. No sooner than he closed his eyes, his head lolled and a tiny snore escaped his slightly ajar mouth.1
Scorpius smirked as Ashe shook her head in disgust and walked away, passing close by where he sat. "Potter not up to it?" he purred suggestively as he made his presence known. "He drools when he snores - stick around and you'll see."2
Ashe shook her head. Behind her, Al made a sound halfway between a grunt and a choke. 3
"He's started already - and I don't think he can be convinced to go to bed - he needs a bath, and in his state, he'd likely drown," he taunted, as he looked her over appraisingly. "Suppose I offered to help you with something?"4
"What do you think I need helping with?"5
"Well," Scorpius drawled as he drew a manicured finger across his face with exaggerated contemplation. "It appears Potter is otherwise incapacitated..." He grazed his lower lip with the tip of his nail as he gazed at her, "...to give you your goodnight kiss."6
Her backwards step away from him faltered.7
Not desiring to break the moment of enchantment that he held over her, Scorpius didn’t move a muscle. He noted with keen interest that her eyes followed the movement of his finger; he slowed its progress, running the tip of the nail across his lip again, from the centre outwards, letting it drag his lip slightly down and out. "I would be honoured to kiss your tender lips," he murmured, his voice oozing pure seduction.8
Ashe’s lips twitched and her eyes glittered with expectation.9
With his eyes locked to hers, he rose from the chair with liquid ease, each muscle moving in concert with another as a sinuous flow of flesh. Entrapped in each other’s gaze, Scorpius didn't blink as he took a step towards her. He lowered his voice sensuously, one note from huskiness, "Your tender, sweet lips." He lengthened the last word so that it hung in the air between them.10
"I...." she stammered, barely audible.11
Scorpius reached out with the same finger that had caressed his own lips, placing it with perfect softness against her own. As he moved the tip, he could feel her heat building, could see the flush growing under her skin. Well attuned to witches, he noted that her reaction intensified as he stepped into her space. "Just one kiss," he purred.12
She shivered.13
With an economy of motion, Scorpius pulled her into a hidden alcove, spinning her and then pressed her against the wall. He leaned against her - he could feel her breath already coming in short gasps as he replaced his finger with his lips. Instead of kissing her, he whispered the tip of his tongue over her now swollen lips as he tenderly stroked her cheek. "Such beauty," he breathed.14
Her mouth moved in expectation as he spoke against her lips. He drew the moment out, and then claimed her lips as he kissed her. Her mouth soon opened to his and he stroked her tongue with his own, eliciting a faint moan of pleasure from her. As he caressed the inside of her mouth, he cradled the nape of her neck with one hand, fingers entangled in her hair. With the other, he stroked her throat and jaw.15
She quivered as he pressed his body to hers, the moment lengthening to a minute before she broke the kiss and turned her head away, her face flushed. "Merlin what am I doing..." she barely whispered.16
Scorpius pulled away, allowing one hand to linger on her face. Seeing her so aroused gratified him. "I can satisfy you further - but only if it is your desire," he whispered, "Sweet dreams." With a flick of his robes, he turned on his heel and disappeared silently.17
Author notes
An Excerpt from a co-written Post-Hogwarts Harry Potter Fan Fic.
A contest entry
- Romance-I'm a sucker for that stuff! by HannahRosie.
175 points, ended August 23, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - School's Here! by Taylor Renee.
100 points, ended October 3, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Awwwww ^^ XD by DeathNoteYaoi.
160 points, ended December 10, 2008, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ by Just Breathe..
175 points, ended January 27, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fan-Fiction for all!!! by Rose Hathaway.
150 points, ended January 14, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Be My Valentine ♥ by Artificial.Smiles..
309 points, ended April 3, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fanfics, prompts, and more! by NiteEnjoysGolfBalls.
400 points, ended October 23, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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This is ok. You could use a little more detail, for instance, who is Ashe? What part of the series is this? And so on. I like your way of taking life into characters that arent part of the actually series mainly, it gives room for you to make assumptions as to how the characters act.
Thank you for entering my contest.
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I'm not into Harry Potter but this was a good fic. Very charming yet full of dread. Good job on writing this and thanks for entering!
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Hi dear,
No doubt you wrote simply error free story,for that
for you.
It was intresting to read about a boy who is full of lust and the poor girl only under a spell but i am missing his feelings and emotions. It means I feel no love for her coming from him. His treatment of her is very cruel. and it ruining the whole sweetness of kiss
This is a good start and I find no errors. It is too bad I can feel nothing from it. other then this ,your stuff is perfect. Good luck dear! -
You always have great descriptions. Without reading the whole story I don't have a great grasp on the personalities of these characters. I know what their parents are like but I'm missing the motive behind their actions here. Ah well, it is good for what it is.
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Wow. Description was absolutley perfect. A finalist for sure!
Good Luck in my contest! -
Im sorry you have completely gone against one of my main rules 'Do not enter this if it has been in one of my previous contests' im sorry I must DQ you.
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Opps, I forgot these...
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I love the whole Harry Potter thing, you are an execlent author, I have read a couple of your stories and they are really good, wow!
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............. I am speechless, you gave such wonderful imagry it was truly AMAZING I have to say this one of my all time favourite peices I LOVED IT! Thankyou for entering my contest, although there isn't as much fan-fiction as romance.
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Wow, this is really good. The description is really good also. Very cute story and please put your SN in your A/N please.
Anyways, great job and good luck in my contest.
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Don't like adding stuff to my author's notes, so I'll add the requirement here:
SN: tallblondie
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Aww Cute,Good Description,I like it
Good Luck in My Contest! -
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Wait I forgot the --> ~:}
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Wow....nice job , i like the way that you used the children of harry potter Welldonee i did Awwwww in the story ^^
Thanks DNY
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owow awesome that was really tantalyzing is ther more
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks for entering. ^^ Your descriptions were nice, although I don't really like this type of romance fic that well. Keep writing. =)
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that was realy impressive
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You seem to be acquainted nicely with these fellows and portray their actions and personalities without a snag.
Hi Blondie, almost here-- the day for the excuse the week went by too fast
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Actually I did read and enjoy this bit of your story. I imagine because it is so well written and my eyes don’t go bleary from trying to decipher what’s said.
Harry Potter hasn’t crept off my niece’s bookshelf into the rest of the house, so I’m not up on the characters involved. (For some unknown reason after the first book none of my boys were interested in him.)You seem to be acquainted nicely with these fellows and portray their actions and personalities without a snag.
I’m curious, is there a market for fan fiction? Or do writers indulge in it for amusement?
Geri
language: 5, plot: 5, characters: 5.
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The only market for fan fiction is for fans - most of the really good stuff has its own fans...
It's not 'saleable' - so unless one wishes to try to dodge a hefty lawsuit, fan fiction is not 'sold'
It is mostly written to entertain fans. Most of it is trash (a lot of 'self-inserting' and 'wish fulfilment' happens in fanfic), but there are some gems that pop up.
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I am not into fanfic, but this was good. The idea that you used the characters from the end of the final book is very cool. With was actually better (as far as the romance) than how Rowling wrote her romance in the 7 volumes. I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes. Very impressive, Blondie!
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This is the first Harry Potter fanfic I've ever read, and it'll probably be the best one I'll end up seeing.
You kept my interest the whole time. Awesome story!
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Oooh! :] I love the whole part where Al falls asleep *laughs*. Great plot and good characters! You kept me interested.
My only itch is I want to see what the next generation looks like. Satisfy my curosity, please?
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your story was very exciting. I really like
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Ooh ooh! Harry Potter next gen! Awesome! I wonder how old everyone is here...Year six? Seven? Five? Scorpius would scare me if he was talking that way younger than that
Pretty tasty stuff there...my only detracting comment is that it seemed Scorpius mentioned lips just one time too many for it to flow as smoothly as the rest of it did; it got a little Austin Powers and the Femmebots there.
Seriously. Is there more of this story on this site? I so
Harry Potter's world.
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Well Written. The Harry Potter stuff isn't my cup of tea but the writing was well done.
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Well written. I actually liked this. *chuckles*
Never mind the fact that I don't like fan fiction, I dislike Harry Potter even more and I'm not particularly fond of romances.
Your writing style and descriptive form surpass my dislikes. But then maybe I'm biased by the fact that I've seen your true writing form.
Whatever.
Either way, I enjoyed the story.
Nicely done.
Greg
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Mmmm
Satisfy me further, please! I love the teasing end to this tale, as well as many of the phrases you use, such as "With an economy of motion..." Very nice writing style, good job!
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Nice characters, they were well developed and actually interesting.. which is unusual for a fanfic.
The story was (so far) pretty standard, but it was written well
and it had a nice flow.
Good Work.
Keep it up.
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=)
I love your descriptions. I think they're fantastic!
The characters are really cute, and the way you wrote it is fabulous. I love the plot, as well; I'd love to see more of it!
Great work, this is written wonderfully. Thanks so much for entering my contest, and I wish you the absolute best of luck!
xoxo
-♥-
Tay
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Ooh-hoo. Jeez, bad guys are attractive.
Scorpius is considerably more suave with the ladies than Draco appeared in the books. I do wonder, though... if there could be more about his relationship with Ashe? How long had he been wanting to do this, or was it just to get at Albus?
This piece was incredibly well-written. It was amazing.
I &hearts Harry Potter. Fanfictions with the new Potter and Malfoy kids from the epilogue definitely are fun to read--especially when they're as wonderful as yours!
Keep writing, and good luck in that contest!
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I think the character development could have used a bit more work. Only because I knew the Malfoys already, I got Scorpius' character pretty well, but Ashe's... Eh. She was just a girl.
Ooooh. An excerpt, that's why it seems a bit... off. Don't get me wrong -- I did love every part of it.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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Love it!!! You are totally in my finalists. I am a huge fan of Harry Potter and you put in the Malfoy Charm quite nicely I thought...
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Whoa
Whoa..thats like sooo cool how you did the Harry Potter thing..and changed the names..wow.. great job!
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No names changed - both Scorpius Malfoy and Albus Potter are in the books - they were introduced in the epilogue as the sons of Drac and Harry respectively. Ashe is an OC created by my friend.
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That was really good! I enjoyed the intensity of this piece and it left me wondering what Ashe is going to do and how albus is going to fill. I love they way you made Scorpious so dark and mysterious, it makes him seem sexy. Great job!
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Interesting. I like Harry Potter, but rarely read fan-fictions of it. No offence personally, but I have found that most people who write a fan-fiction - be it Harry Potter or anything else - fail to do the original justice. However, I noticed that this one was written by you, one of my favorite StoryWrite authors.
I did enjoy this, though I'm not sure if there's some spoiler here or not. I haven't finished the sixth book nor started the seventh - though I do know how both end. So I can't but wonder if these characters are based in the book, or just semi-so.
Anywho... I liked the story and hope to see more of it. I know this isn't the story series you asked me to read, but I'm still going over those.
Anyway, thanks for the preview! Keep writing! And tell your co-author that s/he is good at what s/he does.
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Thanks Cory. The characters of Scorpius Malfoy and Albus Potter are introduced in the epilogue of Deathly Hallows. Scorpius is the son of Draco Malfoy, and Albus is Harry's son. Ashe is my friend's OC creation. This little snippet is from one of our long-running RP's.
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