Schizophrenia

I sit upon your shoulder where ever you go, I’m your little companion and friend. Sometimes you hear me talk to you, but you’re the only one who can hear my voice. Sometimes I even show myself to you, but once more, you are the only one who can see me. People call you insane, don’t they? Don’t listen to them, you are my friend and I am yours. Let them say what they wish, but if you get rid of me now, my wings will fade and I will no longer be in the world of the living!1

I remember when we first met, for it was a beautiful autumn day and you were taking a stroll through the wood, I just so happen to inhabit. I sat upon my little mushroom, at the base of a large oaken tree, and watched you. Sometimes you would do something so unnatural, something only a human would do, and it would make me giggle. You’d look up, but not see me, for I hid myself well from you. Then you’d walk, and whistle some funny little tune, and I would become enchanted with the sound and follow after you silently, until I could no longer take it and so I sang along to your tune. I remember how on edge you were, and it made me nervous, so I hid from you again. My curiosity hadn’t ceased, so I followed you again, but this time I kept quiet.2

You always seemed to be in such a good mood, and I loved that about you, so I took shape of a child, the beautiful innocent little girl who you laughed at for following you around like a lost puppy. You turned to me and grinned, “Shouldn’t you be going home, little girl?” you had asked. People stared at you, but you hadn’t noticed at first.3

I smiled back up at you and shook my head, as a way to tell you “No.” You sighed, and shrugged it off, so I skipped along side you. You had finally told me to go home, and so I was hurt and returned to my little fairy self and perched on your shoulder once more.4

”That was mean of you…” I spoke quietly, and your eyes widened, for I guess I had startled you.5

You turned around quickly, but the girl was gone, and so you called out, “Where are you?” and received no answer. You got used to me being around, sometimes just a voice in your head, and other times, when it seemed fitting, I would show myself to you again, and talk to you. After your anxiety wore off, you seemed back to your cheerful self, and you would even talk to me, and play games with me. I was content with just that, but people started to stare more, and you started to take notice. People would tell you that you were delusional, and that you were hearing things, and it didn’t take too much convincing for you to believe them. You started telling me not to talk to you, and when a random child would approach you, you wouldn’t know if they were really there or not… I was always there though, you saw me, and you heard me.6

They all called you insane, and that is how we wound up here, isn’t it? Here with this silly therapist… She wants me dead, don’t you understand? Don’t kill me, please don’t listen to her… You are my friend, right? Tell her to stop talking, tell her you are fine so we can just leave here… NO! Don’t take any medications from her, it hurts when you take it… It changes you, changes that aura about you that made me want to spend time with you, it changes that person you once were…. It makes me incapable of speech, and I can no longer take shape as a human, and appear for you. Why did you take it…? I keep trying to talk to you, but no words escape my mouth… I feel condemned… Like you trapped me in a little box, my world going dim, my voice fading to nothing… Stop taking those silly drugs, they hurt too much… Don’t you even miss me? How could you do something like this to me…? I want to go home, back to my tree and my mushroom, please take me home? You can at least do that, can’t you? My wings are fading, you’re killing me! Look at them, the are ethereal! Stop it! Can’t you hear my cries? My begging? My weeping? 7

My wings fade more and more, I’m just a lost fairy, and you were just a friend I happened to come across, so why are you letting it end like this? I’m helpless, and scared, and you don’t even care… I feel my life slipping, this is all her fault; all that stupid therapists fault, all the fault is on her… Her and all the people that convinced you that you were insane, just because you were friends with a fairy…. What is this schizophrenia? It isn’t real; that therapist lied to you… Don’t take another pill, I can’t take it anymore… Why did you take it? Oh no! My wings… they… are… gone… that means… I must be gone too… I am dead, aren’t I? How long have I been like this? Where am I going? Why am I leaving your shoulder? The same shoulder I’d been bound to for so long? Why am I transparent? What’s going on here? Where am I and why do I hear that enchanting giggle? Who are those people, are they wingless fairies to? They are… Their friends betrayed them too… It hurts… It hurts…. But now I am in the clouds, way above you… Sometimes I look down at you, and watch you from up here, do you see me? Do you ever look to the clouds and see me? Probably not, you didn’t want me… You… killed me…