Silus Sat by the willowy road, as the sun rose bright and cheery, the world of men had moved on, and the news of King Edward the noble's death hit the country hard. Yet out by the willowy road, where the world of men had long forgotten, Silus sat idly, chewing on a blade of grass. His long thin frame, sprawled upon the rolling pasture, his pale blue eyes gazing fixedly at the unknown, as his hemp woven hat shaded his face beneath the coming sun. Silus was not of the world of men, and was not born even knowing of its existence, he had only read of it through the histories of the fey. The requirements of the schools of magic and healing, though neither of those were talents he ever possessed. Silus could however read people, events, places and some even thought that he could see the future. Though if ever asked about the future, his eyes would become fixedly distant, and he would claim he could not see, what God had not intended him to. So at the outskirts of town, by the willowy road he sat idly waiting. His ears were long and came to a point, like the ears of elves, though he was fey a distant cousin to the elves, he never laid eyes on them either, only heard the tales. Tales of how the fey were the offspring of elves and humans, but that was in the dark period when great evils had spilled over the lands. When swamps and shires were key battle grounds, and the kingdom of Lal had vaporized beneath the wave of Ogres. 1
"How long you gonna sit there Silus" A gravelly voice broke the silence.
"Until what I have seen arrives uncle" He had said.
"And what have you seen my boy?"
"A strange man," he turned his head to see his uncle," a human, I think."
"Human! garh, no good has ever come from a human."
"That's not entirely true, if not for elves and humans Uncle, we would be mere atoms."
"Well I don't like it!"
"I'll wait and see, before I utter what I think," Silus had said before turning back toward the road watching amused.
"Get home by dark boy, you'll make your aunt worried if your out too late."
"I'll probably be home before the afternoon."
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wow! This is captivating! You are a fantastic story teller. I love fantasy and you drew the reader right into the picture with your imagery. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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This is really good writing. Everything is described beautifully with lots of emotion.
Well done -
This was a very interesting story. the flow was very good, as was the description and mood. Calm and relaxing, I like it.
However, I did noticed that the first paragraph was a big chunk. In my opinion, you should the first few or so paragraphs shorter.
The dialouge was good, but I think it needs a bit of editing. Such as,
How long you gonna sit there Silus" A gravelly voice broke the silence.
"Until what I have seen arrives uncle" He had said.
"And what have you seen my boy?"
"A strange man," he turned his head to see his uncle," a human, I think."
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I think you should edit it by the way of:
"How long are you gonna sit there, Silus?" a gravelly voice broke the still stilence.
"Until what I see arrives, uncle," Silus answered.
"And what have you seen, my boy?" Silus's uncle asked.
"A very strange man," Silus turned his head towards his uncle, "A human, I think."
Now, there are many ways to edit it. That's just my opinion. *shrugs* Good job on the story, though! -
Cool!
I liked it, it flowed nicely. Yes, very cool lol.
Like someone below said, space out your paragraphs a bit. It'll just make it a little easier to read. But very good. Nice descriptions.
keep writing!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I like it, could definatly become an awesome fantasy book, cant wait to read more
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I liked it - the flow and imagery were pretty good. However consider breaking up the first paragraph into littler ones and the first time the uncle talks you use no question mark or punctaution for the first time Silus talks either. Oh, and you may want to seperate each talking part into new paragraphs - like this:
"A strange man," he turned his head to see his uncle, "a human, I think."
"Human! Garh, no good has ever come from a human."
Like that and it'll just read and look better. Good job - hope you conitnue this.
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this storys descriptive, but I do'nt know about the people around Silus.
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This story is very descriptive, it sure is good hook. Keep writing! cant wait!
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This reminds me so much of "Lord of the Rings". Which I love, by the way. It's epic feeling, flowing, and descriptive. Is this it, or is it just an excerpt? I'd really like to read more because I love stories like this. You don't see much of them anymore, because modern day people are too obsessed with vampires, aliens and werewolves. Which I all find cliche. You did a really great job, and should keep writing. I love that rustic, medieval, mystical feelings that pieces like this bring on. Don't you? Great job anyways. *High Fives and Kudos*. I really liked this.
* love*
- Oasis
P.S
Super-fantastical Job!
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Wow this was really good. It flowed very well, and I love how descriptive you were. I saw everything in my mind clearly! Awesome job, this story makes me wonder. I can't wait to read the rest! Keep writting!
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