Drifting Souls (Ch. 4)

The Story of Lila Sergiev Pt. 11

This was my house. But it was as if I were stuck in some kind of time warp. There was no electric light. There was no television or modern convenience. It appeared as though someone swallowed the 1800s and threw them up in my bedroom.2

“…I’ll wake her. Get on about your business.” I heard an all too familiar voice quietly through the door. It was so sweet. So angelic. I’d recognize it anywhere.3

My eyes shut and my body went back into its sprawled position inside the bed. It was obvious that I only had control of one thing—my thoughts. This was some kind of dream And I was stuck in someone’s body. Could I have been Lila?4

That presumption was quickly dashed. After a quick knock on the door, the same sweet voice called out to me professionally, “Mrs. Weddington…”5

Who was Mrs. Weddington and what did she have anything to do with Lila Sergiev?6

I seemed to pretend to stay asleep. Whoever was at the door came in, shutting it quietly behind her. This time the voice was much more relaxed and hushed, “… Julia… Julia get up. It’s me.”7

The girl walked slowly to the bed. I saw nothing. I only heard her footsteps approaching my bed. She touched my arm gently, “Julia…”8

I jumped out and grabbed her suddenly, making her let out a small squeal as I wrestled her over onto the bed, both of us giggling as I playfully tickle wrestled her.9

“Thought you could sneak upon me, eh, Lila!? Lovely try, but you lose, dearest.” I told her.10

Wait. That was Lila. THAT was Lila!? 11

That moment kept playing. But in my mind—all was completely still. That was Lila…but that was my Olivia. Flesh and blood, Olivia Dillon. Her beautiful red hair was just as taken care of as I remember. Her skin was just as soft. Her eyes… her beautiful grey-green eyes still captivated me with a splendor I couldn’t even fathom. Was I really having a spiritual experience or was this just another dream of mine?12

Exhaustedly, we collapsed side by side on the bed to catch our breath for a moment. I smiled as I whispered into her ear, “I missed you.” 13

Her hand cupped my face, and that heart-stopping smile of hers crept upon her lips. This Julia wasn’t crazy to be so close to Lila… after all, this Lila was my Liv, and my Liv was wonderful. But what was Julia’s relationship with Lila? Best friend, it seemed. Just like Liv and I.14

Again, my assumptions were dashed.15

Julia pressed her lips upon Lila’s. This wasn’t a dream. Dreams did not feel this real. Dreams were not this precious. Dreams did not allow my heart to beat this way and know that it was. I could feel every slow, breathtaking movement of Lila’s lips against my own, as if I were living that very moment. And until that moment, I had never felt so alive.16

That was heaven. Had I died? Had I gone there by some miracle. It had to be heaven--right there in Julia Weddington’s bed as I kissed her.17

I wondered how this was even possible. History was not a fan of homosexuality, especially not 1800’s Appalachia. There had to be something more to this story. I let myself into Julia’s brain—dying to find the answers. Little did I know, I didn’t have to dig very deeply, my answers were easy to find—too easy. 18

This baffled and comforted me all at the same time. None of this made sense, not so far. Then again, it was the only time in my life I had ever felt that right.19

~~~20

Lila had been a house maiden for the Weddington family since she was old enough to know how to do household things. She practically grew up a servant. She never had much of a family, having always been tossed about from street to street, to whoever would feed her that week. It was a miserable existence for her.21

Her luck led her to Julia’s door. Julia’s parents took her in, being the ever-kind Christian family they were. As the girls grew older together, Oleg and Iva Drago noticed and unmistakable bond between Julia and Lila, an unacceptable one at that time. Oleg, a regular businessman, tried his best to split the girls apart, selling Lila to the Weddingtons to do house labor, just to get her away from his daughter. 22

It was a lost cause. By that time, we knew within our hearts we were meant to be together.23

Wait… what was this sudden first person of the situation? I must have been taking this temporarily being Julia Weddington thing way too seriously…24

I—no, Julia(why did I keep getting so confused?)—found her way to Lila in the evenings when her work was finished. They would take the familiar hike from Lila’s new home with the Weddington’s at Hillcrest to what was to me known as Lover’s Leap.25

That’s it! If Liv was Lila, that’s why Liv loved going to lover’s leap. Everything was starting to make perfect sense. Except for one thing. Where did Julia play into all of this? Upon deeper thought, I figured Liv wanted me to help her find her Julia, which is why she seemed so desperate for me to know the story. 26

Due to Julia’s many visits with Lila, the son of the Weddington household, Nathaniel, became very fond of Julia’s beauty and wished to take her hand in marriage. Her father readily agreed to promise her to Nathaniel, knowing that she would live a better life amongst the rich than one she could ever have in their household.27

By the time they were teenagers, Julia and Lila were already sure of our—THEIR—love. They would meet with each other as often as possible, forever more hiding their emotions from everyone but each other. It didn’t matter what they saw anyway. Only they mattered in their world of each other.28

Julia was never happy with Nathaniel, but she took his hand and bowed like any other respectable woman at the time, smiling for the guests and awkwardly welcoming her visit into the life of higher class.29

She begrudged every dance, every dress, every social event. Her only longing was to spend time with her Lila, which they got to do more often than they anticipated.30

Oh it was all coming together nicely in my mind, but I couldn’t help but envy this Julia… whoever she might have been.31

~~~32

I come out of my memory lane state just as Lila helped me to get dressed. I stood there letting my thoughts wander as she helped me into a ridiculous dress. Ugh. Dresses are not my thing. I only hoped Julia could carry herself better than I would have in such a thing. Lila turned me around to face the mirror, wrapping her arms around me with a smile as she rested her head on my shoulder. I couldn’t have been in more shock at what I saw.33

The girl in the mirror with Lila… was me.34

Of course she was a dress and make-up wearing, longer haired version of me, but those were my eyes; that was my nose; that was my body; that was my face. I was Julia.35

I AM Julia.36

In a sweeping instant, everything was revealed unto me. Everything made perfect sense:37

I—Amber Jade McKenzie—and this beautiful redheaded, simple, loving, kind-hearted girl that held me so close and loved me so deeply—Olivia Elise Dillon—were soul mates. 38

This was it. This was what Liv wanted me to see. She knew it. She just needed me to know it…39

We belonged together.40

Lila pulled my long dark waves across my shoulder to fall down my back and nuzzled her face into my neck, giving my already hot skin a delicate, seemingly fire-starting kiss. She held me closer and whispered, “You look absolutely radiant today, my darling.”41

“I have to keep you interested somehow, my love.” I replied sultrily with a soft smile.42

“You could never make me stop loving you, anyway. You are my gift in life.” She whispered into my neck as I closed my eyes, taking in her closeness.43

I never thought in all of my life that I would finally get to feel the beauty of my lover’s embrace in a dream of revelation, in a memory—from what I could tell, that wasn’t all that this could have been.44

~~~45

We were quick to part back into an unsuspicious stance as we heard footsteps approach my door. James, Nathaniel’s main butler, wrapped sternly on the door twice, giving two small warning knocks.46

“Enter.” I called toward the door.47

James walked in and delivered a quick message, “Mistress Julia,” he addressed me as if there were a stick up his ass, “Master Nathaniel wishes to speak with you privately.”48

I felt my eyes roll and only nodded his dismissal. What could he possibly have to say to me? I shuttered in thought of leaving Lila even for a minute. James left us alone and I turned worriedly staring into Lila’s eyes, as if we both knew what was coming. 49

I did not like the worried look in her eyes. It made me want to cry.50

~~~51

I took my time walking to Nathaniel’s office, shutting the door quietly when I got there, not being quick to turn and face him.52

His words were short and to-the-point, “I want and heir. Tomorrow night we will consummate this marriage.”53

“I don’t want to bear your children.” I could be short, too, apparently.54

“I WANT AN HEIR!” He slammed his fist hard, angrily onto his desktop. “I love you Julia. I expect your respect. You owe me that.”55

“You don’t know what love is. You have everything else including my eternal unhappiness, sir. I don’t owe you a damn thing.” I loved one person only, and apparently he knew this.56

“You are MY wife! You will honor my wishes.” He was a jealous little fellow.57

“As a woman, I have no choice who to take orders from,” I retorted, “But you have no control over who my heart so chooses to love… and it is most certainly NOT you.” Before he could even reply I turned and left his office, feeling the tears well up in my eyes and spill down my cheeks. I ran back to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me. Lila was waiting for me as she patient picked up around the room.58

Her face went from worried to stone cold hatred when she saw the tears rolling down my cheeks. She dropped the clothes she had gathered from her hands to the floor before her and ran to me, holding me so close.59

“Don’t cry, Julia, my darling.” She whispered, holding me so close. “What did he say?”60

“He wants me to consummate the marriage…worse, he won’t stop until I produce an heir.” I continued to cry, burying my face into Lila’s shoulder as she held me close.61

A tear rolled down Lila’s cheek. “That sick, unimaginable bastard. He knows you don’t love him and yet he’s forcing you into this. I just can’t… take this anger!”62

I could feel her shaking in my arms. She was livid indeed. I had never seen her so. “I’m so sorry, Lila. You know you have my heart, darling.”63

“I don’t want him to be apart of you. I don’t want him touching you and kissing you and seeing you in your most delicate condition—so beautiful and so pure. I don’t want him to have the privilege of gaining any sexual pleasure at your expense….” She hugged me tightly, “I need to go think. If you need anything just call for Henrietta, Okay?” She placed a kiss on my forehead and before I could rebuttal her departure, she was gone.64

~~~65

She must have spent the entire day at Lover’s Leap. I didn’t see her, I didn’t hear from her… I had no way of contacting her but to go. She went there to think though, alone or she would have asked for my company, and I didn’t want to intrude.66

I worried myself sick thinking about what this meant to her. Would she leave me because of this? After all, it may have been me, but at this point how was I to know how the story ended if I hadn’t yet been revealed unto it. My Julia shell reflected this same type of worry, the same concern, the same longing. 67

The sun was setting before I even called Henrietta for something to eat. I was never a healthy worrier. I finished my simple meal and called for her to retrieve it, staring out the window blankly. I didn’t even flinch when the door opened.68

I heard footsteps approach me, “It is on the table, Henrietta.”69

After a moment of hesitation, Lila’s nervous voice pierced the darkness, “Julia…”70

I was quick to turn to her, “Lila.” It was all I could think of to say.71

Lila walked slowly to me, looking into my eyes with a beautiful desire that I’ve never seen before. A hunger. She held me close whispering into my ear, “Let me show you my love.”72

I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. There was absolutely no objection. I couldn’t even figure out how to say anything. That was all I could have ever wanted—to make love to her. I needed her. Julia needed her. 73

Somehow. We didn’t have to say anything at all.74

~~~75

Despite my own inner turmoil as to the possibility of this seemingly impossible new reality, I knew in my heart of hearts this connection—this 150 year old connection—belonged to me and her. Whether I was Julia or Jade, whether she was Liv or Lila, to me, her soul contained only one name—love. My love.76

My lips continued their slow, continuous tail across the warm flesh of her collarbone, across the top of her chest, down to the hardened nipple of her tender breast. It weakened my senses and relaxed my body to hear her release a desperate whimper imbedded in a long slow sigh. Her back arched as my lips touched her nipple, sliding the curvature of her other breast further into the cup of my hand. I slowly took in the flavor of her skin, savoring it as I suckled her gently.77

This feeling was heaven. Her warm, beautiful, unclothed body in my hands, and I couldn’t wait any longer to pleasure her—to give her my love, my heart, my everything. She beat me to it. Her fingers crawled down my body, gliding light like a feather, crossing inch for inch into the black curls that protected my ultimate weakness. I could feel myself pulsating, throbbing, aching for her touch.78

She teased slightly, making my body squirm closer to hers as I buried my fingertips into her back in anticipation. This anticipation was making me whine in need, aching for her, how could she possibly deny me that feeling any longer?79

She slid her fingers so gently into me, slowly sliding them in and out of my wetness, letting it surround her hand as though it were something to be treasured. This was love. Our love. The product of our love. Faster she got, deeper, holding my body closer as she placed the most delicate kiss on my fully exposed neck, my head arched back as I groaned in that moment of ultimate pleasure.80

For hours, we made love, pleasuring each other with every creative thing we could think of doing with our tongues and hands. I counted 16 orgasms between the two of us, and treasured every last one into my deepest memory. We longed for more, but could not withstand it. This was the most beautiful night I could have ever dreamed into existence. I could feel every last touch, every last heart beat. I could taste the flavor of her skin. This. Was. Beautiful.81

I knew my heart belonged with only her. 82

Wrapping my arms around her beautiful, unclothed body, I sweetly kissed her shoulder as I lay beside her breathlessly.83

“I love you Lila.” I whispered to her in the most gentle passion as I buried my face into her neck, taking in her warmth, our bodies soaked with sweat and the supple juices of our love making. 84

She pulled me even closer, as if it were possible, and whispered sweetly into the night, her words cutting through the darkness like a harmless, bewitchingly beautiful knife, “I love you, Julia.” She touched my chin, guiding my face so that I could look at hers, dimly lit by the candle which was starting to flicker as it neared the end of its wick. I stared into her eyes as she promised, “I love you with my body, with my heart, with my everlasting soul.”85

Our lips met.86

I realized something in that moment, when the beautiful, slow, delicate passion of our kiss overwhelmed my body with its power: I was kissing the lips of the girl—Lila Marie Sergiev/Olivia Elise Dillon—that I—Julia Drago Weddington/Amber Jade McKenzie—was meant to kiss then, now, and forever. 87