A Letter Written for the Sake of Sanity

Mary-Samantha Whitefeather Joseph Thomas, 1

I love you. I just thought you should know that, because I do. When I saw you getting into your mom's car and she drove off, it was like my heart was being torn in half. I didn't cry (at least not for a little while), but everyone could see it on my face. Especially Matt, I think. Susan kept giving me these sad, sympathetic looks. I think somehow she understands. 2

It was about 1:30PM when Diane started driving me home, and naturally I went on the computer as soon as I arrived there. I tried to write, but I couldn't concentrate. My head kept turning to the left and letting my eyes wander towards the window, because it's hard to concentrate when your heart is really starting to hurt over that half of it that was ripped away. 3

Remember when we first met? I do. It was my first year at the campfire, and I had arrived late, so Mary told everyone my name in a whisper and sat me down next to Chantelle, who was next to Angelica, who was next to you. You leaned forward and extended your arm over them and said "Hi, my name's Sam, too!" So I shook your hand and smiled, and then nobody said a word for the rest of the campfire. 4

The next time we spoke was AFTER the campfire, when we were all clambering into the van. I got in first, and after seeing me under the light, you said, "Hey, Sam, you have funky colored hair, too!"5

And indeed I did. It was dyed bright red over what was normally shoulder-length, black, and straight; and yours was dyed dark blue over what was normally shoulder-length, black, and curly. 6

From then on we were known as Red Sam and Blue Sam. 7

Red Sam, Blue Sam, One Sam, Two Sam!8

I miss you, Blue Sam. I keep telling everyone, but I don't think the words alone can make them understand. 9

A day after I got home I was unpacking my backpack and I found Ocean Bear. I held him to my face and nearly cried, because he smelled like you, Blue Sam! It must have been from that night we slept in your bed together. Since then I just can't stop holding him to my face and smelling you on him, and imagining that you're holding me again. 10

While my mom and I were driving up to Canada to pick up my sisters, I was snuggled up to Ocean Bear, and I remembered that time on our last full day together how I was crying on your shoulder and you started singing he Oobie theme song to me and made me laugh, and the memory made me start bawling my eyes out all over Ocean Bear's face until I thought I might be sick. 11

Oobie, Oobie Oobie Oobie Oobie Oooooobie...12

Nobody noticed, though, because the music on the radio was up so loud that I couldn't be heard. 13

Anyway, I stopped after a little while, and just sat there and sulked. 14

Once I get in touch with Natasha, she can send me those pictures of us she took, and at least I'll have that to remember you by until we next meet. Until then, all I have is the memory of your smile. 15

Oh, Blue Sam. 16

Love, 17

Red Sam.18

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