I thought Kale was being a little paranoid when he slipped the ladder back chair from the vanity, under the doorknob. I closed the curtains to block out the morning sun as Kale slipped into the bathroom. I assumed he was checking the window, since I could hear slamming and swearing. I curled up on the multi-colored floral print bedcover.1
Dugan jumped onto the bed and curled up by my side as I waited for Kale to finish his inspection. I watched as he paced the room checking under the two queen size beds and the drawers along the wall.2
I was lazily running my hand through the fur on Dugan’s neck. “What is it you think you are going to find?”3
Kale didn’t stop to answer, but slammed the last drawer. Finally he stopped by the window and pulled up a chair to peek between the curtains.4
Now that he was out of the bathroom I did what I needed to do. When I was through I went back to the bed. Dugan was where I left him.5
“It’s not like we told anyone where we were going. Unless,” I leaned forward and continued, “you know something your not telling me.”6
Still Kale held his silence. I searched his face. I remembered Kale’s quick smile and fierce determination. Only now I could see the sorrow etched on his face. There were more lines around his eyes and he pinched the bridge of his nose often.7
I wondered what he had been doing in the year we’d been apart. Our jobs were at different levels in the company, so we didn’t cross paths. 8
“Kale, do you know something I don’t know?’ I asked, pushing myself off the pliable bed. I squatted down in front of him and rested my hands on his knees. His jeans felt rough against my palms.9
“Kale, look at me please.”10
He didn’t, he just kept staring out the window. I waited, still searching for the Kale I knew before this night. I watched for his sense of humor, his quick wit and his purely innocent smile. I saw none of these things.11
I pushed off my knees and walked towards the TV. The mirror beside it reflected his still form and it took a lot for me not to throw the lamp at him.12
***13
Kale knew that Raisa didn’t understand how hard it was not to reach out and touch her. He wanted to feel her warm skin under his fingertips. So he sat in the chair staring out the window, not really seeing any of the parking lot. He watched her pull away from him, and he twitched. He willed himself to stay sitting when all he wanted to do was go after her.14
“I need to call Sunsaray.” Kale pushed out of the chair. Heading for the door, he dug out his phone.15
Kale walked out and headed for his car, punching the buttons with more force then necessary. He paced while he waited for Sunsaray to pick up. 16
His blood boiled. It boiled out of anger and passion. Life was peacefully flowing along. One day passed into another without problems. That all changed with one call. One call from her.17
“Hello?” came a harried voice.18
“Sunsaray? Its Kale.”19
A nervous laugh. “Kale, where are you? Is Raisa with you?”20
“She's with me and we are fine,” answered Kale.21
“Ahbree and I have been monitoring all law enforcement channels. They aren’t looking for you, but Raisa is still in danger. Again I ask, where are you?”22
“Sunsaray, just know that we are safe for the moment. I think it best we don’t reveal our location as of yet.”23
Mumbling sounded from Sunsaray’s end. After a moment she returned. “Now that we know that you two are ok I’m sending Ahbree home. She’s been here since Raisa was first called to close the apartment. Very dedicated, that one is.”24
“I’m going to keep Raisa safe until this blows over. You did know that the safe house was comprised?” Kale ran a large hand through his sandy hair.25
“Yes, I’m aware of it. We lost Thomas and Georgia.”26
“Man, thats bad. “ An uncomfortable silence followed. “I’ll let you know what we do next.”27
“Kale?” Sunsaray said quietly.28
“Yeah, I know. I’ll do my best.”29
“Keep safe and keep me posted.”30
“Will do, Sarge,” Kale came back.31
***32
I was tired. Every movement I made felt sluggish. I knew I needed to sleep, but couldn’t until Kale came back. Dugan whimpered from the bed.33
“I know, boy. I will soon,” I answered him with a sigh.34
I didn’t take the chair Kale recently sat on, but stood by the door and looked through the curtain. I watched as Kale paced by his car. He paused once to run a hand through his hair, his mouth turned.35
“Well boy, it looks as though he’s receiving bad news.”36
A loud sigh issued forth from the dog. Dugan watched me walk towards the bed. I crawled in, found a comfortable position and tried to relax. Dugan snuggled closer to me. “Thanks, Dugan.”37
Dugan’s constant, steady breathing and his warmth did the trick. I never even noticed Kale coming back in the room.38
Author notes
Guess I forgot to post this part 
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Hey Brooke,
I'm sure I've already read and commented on this part, but I didn't see it here. I didn't notice anything that hasn't been mentioned. This was a pretty good chapter and will be even better after corrections are made
Steve
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Thanks for reading again
or for reading this for the first time 
Brooke
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Another great chapter!
I'm really getting curious as to what is going on and who she can trust, and who she can't. You're building on the suspense quite nicely. I will look forward to the next part.
#1 you say she curled up on bedcover with the dog, then in the next paragraph, the dog jumped onto the bed and curled up by her side?
#8 so we didn't cross [paths]
#14 So ge sat [into] the chair
shouldn't this be [in]?
#37 Dugan watched me walk towards ? Maybe the bed?
#38 and his [warm] did the trick.
Maybe warmth
I found just a few spags, but nothing you wouldn't have noticed with a reread.
Good story.
Trish
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Thanks Trish, have fixed those and
to you for reading
Brooke
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Again i like that little laugh you have given sunsaray...hmmm...what does she know? What is she hiding? was she behind it? does she want to hurt or protect? is she being manipulated or misguided into helping if she is helping at all? So many questions and that is what a writer does raise questions and answers them so i hope you answer them well.
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Good
Another chapter that I hadn't read before the other 2 chapters. What's going on with me. It must be, having to put up with the bitterly cold winter in Australia. It's the first day of Spring now - yay!
Such emotion in this unpredictable plot. I can't wait for more. I'll try and read them in order, but I can't promise you anything.
Julie
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Interesting chapter. So Raisa and Kale still have feelings for each other but are trying not to show them. Yet aside from them both working for the company we know little about their personal lives. Hmm.
I don't trust Sunsaray either ever since she sent Raisa to the safehouse as it was being hit and then didn't answer when Raisa called her back afterwards. Even part of her conversation with Kale seemed a bit strained. I'm glad he didn't tell her where they were hiding out.
I like the little twists and turns this story is taking.
Nicely done.
Greg
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Just read it before you posted this to SAR...diggin' it!
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Very cool chapter. I really like Raisa a lot. Can't wait to see where this goes. Looks like Valkyrie caught most of the problems in this chapter.
I'm not sure I trust Sunsaray yet, but we'll see how that goes. Since you didn't post this part in SAR this week, I figured I better come looking for it.
Nicely done, Brooke!
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Sunsaray comes into play in the next part.
But you probably already know that. I'm sure you've read it.
I'm glad you are still enjoying it. Now comes my hard part ending it. I could go on and on and on.
Brooke -
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No need to end it yet...just keep going! Turn this puppy into a novel!
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Yay, (relative) safety! Again, your powers of description are great! I loved the slamming and swearing from the bathroom! And I think it's a requirement that all motel rooms have the floral bedcovers. I don't really want to ponder why.
I think I saw more typos in this section than in previous ones. Briefly,
drawers long the wall.
along
Now that he was out of the bathroom I did what I needed to do. When I was through I went back to the bed. Dugan was where I left him.5
Hah! This is the best description of peeing I've read in a long time. I'm not sure why I like it so much, but I do.
Our hobs were at different levels in the company,
hobs? did you mean jobs?
“Kale, d o you know something
got a space in your do, there
Raisa didn’t understand how hard it was not to reach out and touch her.
hot hard it was for him not to reach
Heading for the door he dug out his phone.
comma after door
A nervous laugh, “Kale, where are you? Is Raisa with you?”20
period after laugh, unless the words are actually being said while laughing, I think
“Sunsaray, Raisa is with me
“Sunsaray, just know that
I think you use Sunsaray's name too much there
“Man, that bad. “ An uncomfortable silence followed.
I liked this part; short, and crystal clear in meaning, at least to me.
“Will do Sarge,” Kale came back, trying to lighten the mood.
He is? Why? Two of their Company just got killed. That part didn't track for me. Also, comma after do, in the quote. That direct address thing again.
his mouth turned down in worry or anger.35
I think you could leave off the "in worry or anger" part and it would still convey your point. Side note: wouldn't Raisa know him well enough to tell the difference anyway?
bad new.”36
Is that a singular of news? [/cheeky]
A loud sigh issued forth from the bed. Dugan watched me walk to the bed.
Too many bed references.
“Thanks Dugan.”37
comma after thanks, direct address thing.
I never even notice Kale coming back in the room.
noticed
I'm still unsure as to whether I like the third person narration alongside Raisa's first person narration. But it's your story. You write it as you like it. I'll happily read it, because I want to know what HAPPENS!!!
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I am typo queen (we need a smiley for a queen and king), plus I like to just put it on here before I do any real editing and see how bad I really am
I wasn't sure if I should leave the peeing but no quite peeing paragraph in there since it didn't really say anything
Thanks for reading so many of these and for all your suggestions. I've only just started going through them (may take my forever )
Again thanks
Brooke
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