Perdition

Jeffrey Wilke had everything: admiration, a loving family, money. But he could have lived without money and respect. What mattered most to him was his family, and never was a family as close-knit as the Wilkes. Jeffrey and his wife held hands everywhere they went, he called her every day from the office, and never was there a man who was so faithfully and deeply in love with his wife. Even with the wealth and power that Jeffrey had amassed in his years as a lawyer, he never looked for anything outside his wife and family. Jeffrey had two children, two beautiful little girls who brought joy to their father whenever they were with him. As their father loved them, so they loved him. They loved his fatherly kisses on their foreheads, his allowance of extra cake behind their mother’s back, his piggyback rides through the park. Jeffrey’s life was perfect, and for him, heaven came before death. 1

One day after work, Jeffrey decided to take his family to the park. Soon, they were on their way. While driving, Jeffrey started discussing with his wife summer vacation plans, not knowing what was to come. Suddenly, from behind them, came an ear-splitting screech of tires. Jeffrey looked in his mirror, and saw a sight that he would never forget. A petrol truck was swerving uncontrollably, dashing at the family unrelentingly. Soon, it was to the right of them. With one final swerve it fell upon the car, crushing it completely. And then, due to the impact, the truck exploded. Metal grinded against metal, as a tigress gnashes her teeth before she devours her prey. Burning oil poured into the car, scalding the girls. They screamed in horror and pain, but soon the screams stopped. Jeffrey heard all of this, although faintly. He heard the melting metal of the car, the skin of his wife burning as if it was paper. Flames were all around him. Scorching and burning, scalding and killing. The unrestrained tongues of death moved unrelentingly toward Jeffrey, closer, and closer. When they were about to engulf him, darkness, the black horse, halted their advance. And so Jeffrey lay there, surrounded by flames, oblivious to the destruction around him. The darkness completely engulfed him, and in it he lay. 2

After this blackness suddenly came a faint light. Jeffrey moved around in it, feeling as if he had left his body. All the anguish, fear, and terror had left him. Somehow, Jeffrey felt at peace. He asked himself, “Am I dead?” As if answering his question, Jeffrey felt the surface he was standing on fall from underneath his feet. When he landed, the faint light disappeared from around him, turning into a perpetual grayness. In the grayness, Jeffrey noticed black figures in the distance. They looked as if they were wearing cloaks, but were nonetheless formless. As they came closer to Jeffrey, he lost all the peace that he had in the light. Suddenly, the cloaked creatures turned away and moved toward some recently appeared figures in the distance. They jumped at them cruelly, as if attacking them. When Jeffrey looked more closely at the scene, he noticed, horrified, that the new figures were his own family. He feared that the cloaked figures would harm his family, so he ran toward them. Just when he thought he could reach out and touch them, an invisible wall stopped his advance. 3

Evidently, Jeffrey’s family saw him, for his daughters were calling, “Daddy”, and his wife was looking helplessly at him. Meanwhile, the cloaked figures were lunging at the family. After a brutal attack on one of the little girls, the cries of “Daddy” stopped. Jeffrey watched all of this, horrified and afraid. After countless attacks on the family, all of them were laying on the floor, enveloped in their own blood. Jeffrey sobbed uncontrollably as tears of guilt and revulsion fell to the ground. The demons, as Jeffrey now considered them, turned around and started moving toward him. One of them lifted up its shapeless body, and as it slowly rose, that body took a grotesquely human form. The demon took off the hood of his cloak, revealing to Jeffrey piercing eyes, the like of which he had never seen before. The eyes contained such unspeakable malice that even through the tears restricting his vision, Jeffrey felt the pain of their gaze. In fact, the gaze so pained him that for a moment he saw flames on a blood-red background in front of him. As he looked closer into the background, Jeffrey saw countless human figures, all looking as if they were in agony, screaming out across the sea of red. Horrified, Jeffrey thought to himself, “This is truly hell!” And then suddenly, once again, he was immersed in darkness. For once, darkness was comfort for Jeffrey. No more was he in a hellish world, no more did he suffer. 4

Hours later, Jeffrey awoke in a hospital bed, his mind empty, empty of memories. The room that he was in was painted a deep blood-red colour. Somehow, this colour prompted subconscious fear for Jeffrey, fear that he couldn’t rationalize. Slowly, Jeffrey remembered his life, his career as a lawyer, his suburban home, his family. But what he could not understand is how he was in this godforsaken place, strapped to a bed, isolated from his family. He tried to get up, leave the isolation, but he realized that he couldn’t. When he tried, a terrible pain shot through his body. He noticed wounds everywhere, the cause of his pain, which erupted with blood and pus as he rose. Jeffrey also noticed the tubes attached to his arms and legs, which carried mysterious fluids to his body. He was hurt, and he didn’t remember how it had happened. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw his daughter whispering “Daddy”, tears streaming from her eyes. Jeffrey abruptly turned around, but she was gone. And then he remembered. He remembered the car crash, the demons, their attack on his family, his vision of hell. Jeffrey started crying, and tears of bitterness and rage streamed over his body, stinging as they passed over bloodied wounds. 5

Suddenly, the door opened. Jeffrey didn’t notice it before, since it was camouflaged with the same colour as the rest of the wall. From the hidden door entered an older man. He was crumpled with age and had wrinkles covering his face. As he came closer to Jeffrey, the man smiled comfortingly. Jeffrey slowly looked up. Even this slight movement caused him pain. When he looked up, he saw the kindly face of the old man. Although at first glance, the man looked completely normal, as Jeffrey looked closer, he noticed the man’s eyes. What Jeffrey saw utterly horrified him. They were the same as the eyes of the demon, and contained the same sadistic malice that pained him so greatly before. As Jeffrey’s gaze met the old man’s, he felt such pain that it momentarily blinded him. In that moment, he realized that this was no hospital, but only a hellish mockery of one. He summoned all of his willpower and rose from the bed, tubes tearing from his body, forming new wounds. The old man’s eyes flashed with fury, but by the time he could turn around, Jeffrey had already left the room. 6

He slipped through the camouflaged door, and ran out into a hallway. Jeffrey muted out the pain of his wounds, disregarded the blood streaming down his legs. His only thought was escape, but escape was only a preliminary step in his ultimate goal. That goal was vengeance. Jeffrey planned to avenge his family’s torture and death by killing every single one of the demonic bastards who did this to him. The hallway was painted dark red: the same red with which the walls of his room were painted, the same red in which he saw countless souls being tormented. Jeffrey realized that he was still in hell, only it was cleverly masked as earth. He continued down the hallway, looking for a way out of the building. Soon, he saw a door to the left of him, but before he could get to it, the door opened, and into the hallway come the denizens of hell, cloaked, formless, and with the burning eyes which Jeffrey so loathed. His way was blocked. 7

The only alternative for Jeffrey was to go toward the room from which he had come. He turned around and started running, blood gushing from his wounds. As he moved down the hallway, he saw a faint red light which seemed to be coming from a stained glass window at the end. Jeffrey saw that this was his only chance since there was no other openings on the infuriatingly red walls except for the door to the room from which he came out of, and he dared not return there. Therefore, Jeffrey ran toward the window, the demons behind him. He ran straight through it, shattering the glass, pieces of it going into his already punctured skin, blood spraying through the air. Jeffrey was losing blood quickly, but he didn’t pay attention to this. He was vindicated, and the demons weren’t following him. Therefore, his joy muted the pain. Jeffrey rose up from the ground on which he had landed and started walking, not caring where he was going. 8

The sky was a sickening dark red color, reminding Jeffrey of what had happened and what lay ahead for him. But when he thought about what lay ahead, he quickly started losing hope. There was no way he could take on the minions of hell and live, and this he quickly realized. Additionally, he was losing blood, and started drifting out of consciousness. But Jeffrey’s iron will kept him going. He walked through the unknown, across a barren plain which was devoid of life. As he moved on, Jeffrey began to hear a rumbling sound which progressively became louder. When the rumbling sound was very loud, a revolting stench accompanied it. Jeffrey felt that whatever made the sound would be a place of confrontation for him, resulting either in his victory or his doom. The stench became stronger, almost unbearable, but he continued, bleeding and exhausted. 9

And then Jeffrey saw it. A river so mighty that it was reminiscent of the very Nile, which Jeffrey had seen on a trip with his family long ago. The family which was now gone forever. The river roared, asserting its domination over the plain, just like the mighty Nile had done when Jeffrey saw it. But this river had a macabre difference. Instead of water, it flowed with blood. Jeffrey looked in horror as the steaming, putrid blood moved across the river. In it were cadavers: some devoid of skin and muscle, others looking as if they were only recently taken by death. Jeffrey moved closer to the river, and looked at the corpses that were drowning in it, engulfed in blood. He stood there for hours, weeping uncontrollably when he imagined the corpses’ plight. He looked into each of the lifeless faces, all of them once living, breathing human beings with hopes, dreams, and desires. And now this: decaying pieces of organic matter, surrounded by their own blood. 10

By this time, Jeffrey had lost so much of his blood that he was losing consciousness. He didn’t care if he lost it anymore. There was nothing left for him, no way to get revenge. Jeffrey closed his eyes, waiting for death to come. Slowly, the stench and roar of the blood river disappeared. Even the pain from Jeffrey’s wounds was gone. Once again, darkness surrounded him, perhaps for the final time. But out of the corner of his unconscious mind, something threatened to stop death, nagging at Jeffrey to awaken. It was the whisper of “Daddy”. He awoke, an escapee of death’s prison. In front of him, in the bubbling fury of the river, was his daughter. With superhuman strength, fueled by the undying power of love, Jeffrey jumped into the monstrous river, his wounds immediately scalded by the heat of the blood. He swam across it, his blood merging with that of the river. His daughter was getting closer, and closer. Jeffrey pushed himself to grab her in order to stop the current from taking her away. He put his arms out ready to grasp her, but alas, she wasn’t there, only a delusion of a mind in its death throes. Jeffrey was truly alone, drowning in blood, rotting corpses around him. He had lost everything, misery his only friend. Jeffrey gave himself up to the river, powerless and defeated. And thus he slowly drowned; foul blood entered his lips, cadavers encircled him. His dead body flowed down the lifeless river for eternity, just another unremarkable corpse, another victim of the mercilessness of hell.11

Author notes

Contest My little gem: It was my first work and I think it's my best. This has a trophy for write me something original-Rhubarb but for some reason it doesn't show up. I was fourth and in the "honorable winners". Contest creative options: It kind of fits both an adventure and a tragedy(options 2 and 3). Thanks!

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Yeshua
    January 9

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    Thank You

    Thank you for the entry to "My Little Gem." It is good, but I am afraid that it doesnt meet all of the criteria to win... Thanks again...

    Yeshua


  • Kagamine Rin
    August 22, 2008

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    This is a very good passage, and it really made me think. However, I suggest you break your larger paragraphs, You have such the imagination and vocabulary, all you need to do is edit your work a bit.

    Good luck in my cotnest!


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    August 22, 2008

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    Well, I have to admit that this is something of a depressing story, the way it ends. But I guess you can't really have a story that ends in hell and have it end happily, now can you? *laughs* You have a lot of very vivid language and imagery in here, especially towards the end. In fact, I would like to see some of the vividness in the beginning of the story as well, to balance it better. When you place an emphasis on the details of hell rather than his life before death, it makes his true living perfect life seem like it was never real. You obviously have a knack for showing things strongly - you may as well use it to the best of your ability.

    Here are a few other suggestions and things I noticed, while reading. Hopefully you find them helpful.

    First, I'm going to point this out because it happens to be a pet peeve of mine. *laughs* Semicolons - they are used to separate two complete sentences of very related material, not a sentence and a sentence fragment, as you typically use them. They also don't need to be used very often. Semicolons are hard to use correctly, but they still bother me a lot more than they should; I've been called a punctuation Nazi before, and it probably fits.

    One of the things that bothered me about this story is why Jeffery ended up in hell in the first place. Your description of his life made him sound like a very good person - loyal to his family, loving, not doing anything bad. It's hard to see him in hell when we, as readers, see no reason for him to be there.

    Similarly, it's difficult for a reader to see him put up such a brave fight to get out of the false hospital just to see him give up a short distance away at the river. If he has the will to fight once, why doesn't he have the will to fight a second time? It's almost disappointing, in a way, that he just gives up and drowns. I expected more from him, you know?

    Anyways, I did enjoy the read, so I hope my comments impart that. You are definitely talented - everyone has room to get better at writing, but you have a very good start already. Best of luck to you, and I hope you find something I've said helpful!


  • Rhubarb
    August 20, 2008

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    This is truly inncreddible. Nomally, I get bored with stories that are this long, but this was fantastic. You write with beautiful expression and you have amazing ideas. Just a question, why did he go to hell, was he a bad man?
    I loved the sentance you used at the beginning, heaven came before death, and now I see the reason for this line. This was just beautiful. i can't belive you are only 15!
    Well done, and thanks for entering.


  • Tangledbracken
    August 19, 2008
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    Wow. Really good story!


  • Solidarity silver member
    August 17, 2008

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    Hi mihow1,

    My first thoughts on reading this was I noticed the beginning started out much like a summary of the background of the family. This changed near the middle of the story with the vivid images of the crash, the metaphors and the building tension as the mysterious demons appeared.

    The summary isn't necessarily a bad thing. Not at all. But it does make it harder to imagine the story - see, the overall situation is wonderfully explained. He loves his family, a real father and husband. They adore him and the life is lovely. However, I have some difficulty really putting myself into this world. I would love to "see" more, like I do during the car crash and the travel through hell. Perhaps a scene could be placed at the beginning, maybe a birthday party, or just a regular day which shows rather than tells about the family's close and beautiful relationship.

    Oh, and before I forget, I loved the phrase "Heaven came before death" because it is both a foreshadowing of the tragedy to come and a great way to encompass how happy Jeffery is. As I keep reading, I still feel, even as the truck swerves toward the car, that I am not completely in the story. Little insertations of the narrator's omniscient opinions snag me. For example, the crash is a sudden, harsh, horrible event, so I'd almost expect the writing to snap like a whip - short sentences, terse explanation.

    A possible example of this could be here:

    An ear-splitting screech came from behind them. Jeffrey looked. A petrol truck swerved. It spun at the family, first behind, then to the right. It fell on the car; it crushed it.

    Now this is a very different style from what you use, so it may not work with the overall story. But it's just an example of what I mean, and certainly not a perfect one.

    Like I said earlier, the description of the destruction caught at my attention. I agree with CorvusCornix on almost all the point except one which he raises; I love the tiger metaphor. However, he's right that it's startling - both a good thing and a risk. The good thing is that it grabs the reader’s attention; the risk lies in that the reader might be confused by it. Perhaps there could be animal/big cat imagery tied to the truck. Instead of its tires "screeching", they could scream like a wounded cat and the flames could rake at skin like claws?

    The line with the black horse also caught me, making me think of the horses of the apocalypse and of "night-mares" and other dark images. However, like mentioned below, it might work better when connected to the story's imagery more.

    My next comment would probably be about the family being attacked. It's described in vague terms ("jumped at them cruelly", "lunging at the family", "a brutal attack", "countless attacks") and I can't imagine how this happened. Because the writing doesn't lead me to visualize this brutal attack, I can't feel horrified about it. And since I can't feel horrified by it, I'm not quite feeling Jeffery's pain.

    I bet that you can see this scene more than clearly in your mind, every bloody details in bright red. But I'm limited by words. I want more. Gimme more.

    As I read on, I relaxed, seeing that it was all a dream; after all, Jeffery woke up in a hospital. And then, the twist! It wasn't a hospital at all. That was unexpected and the unexpected is great in stories. The whisper from the child spirit/hallucination was also a good touch. He's haunted and destroyed by the death of his family, and that's apparent. I did wonder about a couple overall things though. Jeffery seemed to have led a good life - why would he find himself in hell?

    Perhaps this isn't hell. The river image made me think of Styx, the river that pulled souls to the Greek underworld. By the end of the story, I'm nearly convinced that Jeffery's Nile is that same death river.

    The other thing that made me wonder was how the wounds were weakening him. It seems he died, so I'd think his spirit would be in Hades, not his body. And a spirit shouldn't bleed (unless it's all in his mind, and the blood is a symbol for his hope and the drain on his soul. Finally, he succumbs and floats away, unimportant, insignificant and forgotten).

    That brought home the tragedy of the whole situation. Despite the love he had for his family, the warmth they shared and their closeness, a single horrible, random event destroyed it, pulled them apart and in the end, not even their love could change a thing. The message was powerful and heart-breaking. This, I think, is the story's strength and foundation.

    It's a good one.

    So yes, here are a few thoughts. I hope they are some useful. Good luck writing (and revising if you so choose)!

    Keep typing,
    Solidarity


  • CorvusCornix
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have a very vivid and impressive imagination, coupled with a strong vocabulary and an ability to fuse the two into interesting narrative. I think this is your strongest point and it brought the story up a notch. However, I do agree with the person below, your structure just needs a little bit of attention. Your narrative seems a little detached, as if somebody is recounting something they once heard rather than pulling the reader into the story and immersing them. Try to break your large paragraphs up a bit more and think about how to make your sentences shorter to gain more power.

    I enjoyed how you made me feel the connection between the family members. You could perhaps focus on this a bit more in the first paragraph. Use some more vivid descriptions, make us really FEEL it.

    As a bit of a side note, also give some thought to your metaphors, similies and imagery. Some of it was a little out of place, such as the tigress knashing its teeth. I definitely approve of using such metaphors, but only if they really fit.

    Overall, I am very impressed, particularly because you are a new member. I think you need to just keep going, write as much as you can and always try new things - experiment outside of your style.

    Good luck, keep writing!


  • B Chandler Greeters member
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Commentary Critique/ Needs Minor Fixing

    Wow, to say the least, I love the amazing storyline and for you to be a new member of SW, well- I'm a very hard person to impress however in this case you have won me over. Imagery is/was and shall be you constant friend. Now onto the honest critiquing...

    Paragraphs 1, 2, 4, 5, 10, and 11 needs a bit of reconstructing because some of the lines felt really either awkward or awkwardly out of place.

    Suggestive corrections:

    P1:
    Jeffrey Wilke had everything: admiration, a loving family, and money. But he could have lived without money and respect. What mattered most to him was his family, and never was a family as close-knit as the Wilkes. Jeffrey and his wife held hands everywhere they went, he called her everyday from the office, and never was there a man who was so faithfully and deeply in love with his wife. Even with Jeffrey’s wealth and power which he had amassed in his years as a lawyer, he never looked for anything outside his wife and family. Jeffrey had two children, two beautiful little girls who brought joy to their father whenever they were with him. As their father loved them, so they loved him. They loved his fatherly kisses on their foreheads, his allowance of extra cake behind their mother’s back, his piggyback rides through the park. Jeffrey’s life was perfect, and for him, heaven came before death. 1

    *-*

    P2:
    One day after work, Jeffrey decided to take his family to the park. The second that he said the word park, his daughters excitedly started running toward the car, thrilled to spend time with their father. Soon, they were on their way. While driving, Jeffrey started discussing with his wife summer vacation plans. Since they already had traveled the western hemisphere extensively, Jeffrey’s wife suggested that they go to Dubai. Everyone agreed wholly. One of the little girls asked if Dubai was in China and Jeffrey, since he knew world geography well, explained to her the relative location of Dubai and China. Suddenly, from behind them, came an ear-splitting screech of tires. Jeffrey looked behind him, and saw a sight that he would never forget. A petrol truck was swerving uncontrollably, dashing at the family unrelentingly. Soon, it was to the right of them. With one final swerve it fell upon the car, crushing it completely. And then, due to the impact, the truck exploded. Metal grinded against metal, as a tigress gnashes her teeth before she devours her prey. Burning oil poured into the car, scalding the girls. They screamed in horror and pain, but soon the screams stopped. Jeffrey heard all of this, although faintly. He heard the melting metal of the car, the skin of his wife burning as if it was paper. Flames were all around him. Scorching and burning- scalding and killing. The unrestrained tongues of death moved unrelentingly toward Jeffrey; closer, and closer; yet when they were about to engulf him, darkness, the black horse- halted their advance. And so Jeffrey lay there, surrounded by flames, oblivious to the destruction around him. The darkness completely engulfed him, and in it he lay. 2

    *-*

    P4:
    Evidently, Jeffrey’s family saw him, for his daughters were calling, “Daddy”, and his wife was looking helplessly at him. Meanwhile, the cloaked figures were lunging at the family. After a brutal attack on one of the little girls, the cries of “Daddy” stopped. Jeffrey watched all of this, horrified and afraid. After countless attacks on the family, all of them were laying on the floor, enveloped in their own blood. Jeffrey sobbed uncontrollably as tears of guilt, disgust, and revulsion fell to the ground. The demons, as Jeffrey now considered them, turned around and started moving toward him. One of them lifted up its shapeless body, and as it slowly rose, that body took a grotesquely human form. The demon took off the hood of his cloak, revealing to Jeffrey piercing eyes, the like of which he had never seen before. The eyes contained such unspeakable malice that even through the tears restricting his vision; Jeffrey felt the pain of their gaze. In fact, the gaze so pained him that for a moment he saw flames on a blood-red background in front of him. As he looked closer into the background, Jeffrey saw countless human figures, all looking as if they were in agony, screaming out across the sea of red. Horrified, Jeffrey thought to himself, “This is truly hell!” And then suddenly, once again, he was immersed in darkness. For once, darkness was comfort for Jeffrey. No more was he in a hellish world, no more did he suffer. 4

    *-*

    P5:
    Hours later, Jeffrey awoke in a hospital bed, his mind empty-- empty of memories. The room that he was in was painted a deep blood-red colour. Somehow, this colour prompted subconscious fear for Jeffrey; fear that he couldn’t rationalize. Slowly, Jeffrey remembered his life; his career as a lawyer, his suburban home, his family. But what he could not understand is how he was in this godforsaken place, strapped to a bed, isolated from his family. He tried to get up, leave the isolation, but he realized that he couldn’t. When he tried, a terrible pain shot through his body. He noticed wounds everywhere, the cause of his pain, which erupted with blood and pus as he rose. Jeffrey also noticed the tubes attached to his arms and legs, which carried mysterious fluids to his body. He was hurt, and he didn’t remember how it happened. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw his daughter whispering “Daddy”, tears streaming from her eyes. Jeffrey abruptly turned around, but she was gone. And then he remembered. He remembered the car crash, the demons, their attack on his family, his vision of hell. Jeffrey started crying, and tears of bitterness and rage streamed over his body, stinging as they passed over bloodied wounds. 5



    *-*

    P10:
    And then Jeffrey saw it: A river so mighty that it was reminiscent of the very Nile, which Jeffrey had seen on a trip with his family long ago. The family which was now gone forever. The river roared, asserting its domination over the barren plain, just like the mighty Nile had done when Jeffrey saw it. But this river had a macabre difference. Instead of water, it flowed with blood. Jeffrey looked in horror as the steaming, putrid blood moved across the river. In it were cadavers; some devoid of skin and muscle; others looking as if they were only recently taken by death. Jeffrey moved closer to the river, and looked at the corpses that were drowning in it, engulfed in blood. He stood there for hours, weeping uncontrollably when he imagined the corpses’ plight. He looked into each of the lifeless faces, all of them once living, breathing human beings with hopes, dreams, and desires. And now this decaying pieces of organic matter, surrounded by their blood. 10

    *-*

    P11:
    By this time, Jeffrey had lost so much of his blood that he was losing consciousness. He didn’t care if he lost it anymore. There was nothing left for him, no way to get revenge. Jeffrey closed his eyes, waiting for death to come. Slowly, the stench and roar of the blood river disappeared. Even the pain from Jeffrey’s wounds was gone. Once again, darkness surrounded him, perhaps for the final time. But out of the corner of his unconscious mind, something threatened to stop death, nagging at Jeffrey to awaken. It was the whisper of “Daddy”. He awoke an escapee of death’s prison. In front of him, in the bubbling fury of the river, was his daughter. With superhuman strength, fueled by the undying power of love, Jeffrey jumped into the monstrous river, his wounds immediately scalded by the heat of the blood. He swam across it, his blood merging with that of the river. His daughter was getting closer, and closer. Jeffrey pushed himself to grab her in order to stop the current from taking her away. He put his arms out ready to grasp her, but she wasn’t there, only a delusion of a mind in its death throes. Jeffrey was truly alone, drowning in blood, rotting corpses around him. He had lost everything, misery his only friend. Jeffrey gave himself up to the river, powerless and defeated. And thus he slowly drowned; foul blood entered his lips, cadavers encircled him. His dead body flowed down the lifeless river for eternity, just another unremarkable corpse, another victim of the mercilessness of hell.
    _____________________

    Welcome to Storywrite!
    -B, SW Greeter

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.

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