Tread Lightly (Beautiful Deceptions)

do you recall the empty promises we made?
the pleasant shells of “Keep in touch”
and “Let’s hang out”.1

They hang around my cave like ornaments
So frail that I’m afriad to touch
for fear of breaking them
and leaving them worse off than before.2

the beautiful deceptions are the ones to be careful of
the lies they told us as children, the “for your own goods”3

TREAD LIGHTLY.4

flaunt it and realization will fly away from you:
fast and empty,
for discovery is of the fragile sort.
you’ve been entrusted a dear secret
a flame in pitch black hopelessness
but the slightest breeze will smother it.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Naive.
    August 30
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this the first time I read this, and I immediately added it to my finalists list. =] I ADORE the subject you wrote about and there's not one part that I didn't enjoy reading. The last stanza is beautful. Overall, amazing job. =D

    Thanks for entering and good luck.

    -jj


  • MysticalRayne
    August 29
    Edit | Reply
    This is well penned ~ best of luck in the contest


  • BorntothePurple
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love the first three stanzas. Though you spelled afraid wrong. But I love how you captured those superficial "lies" we tell to eachother, the 'let's keep in touch' when we really have no intention of doing so- it reminds me of how people always say "How are you?" but they don't really want to know how you are doing, it's just a reflex thing to say. Superficial banalities of daily life. This really captures that well. You did lose me a bit in the last part, I didnt' know exactly what you meant. Overall though, a really good write. I can see why you made the finalists list, and good luck in the contest!


  • iliad
    August 19
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the feel of this poem, however I thought this was a little confusing. It didn't have a central voice. I think the first part takes place on a beach somewhere, with the sand and the shells, but the last six lines or so appear beautifully, but without context. I liked it, but these things kept me from loving it. Also watch the spelling errors. These are easy fixes. Nice work. Good write.

    -iliad-


  • Vernatia
    August 16
    Edit | Reply
    Odd, lol, though I'm not much of a poetry person myself so I can't say much.
    Although I'm not sure what your meaning is behind the poem, so I am a little confuzzled, although I do think I know what you're aiming for, just not sure you got there.
    Oh, just check your spelling, you've mistyped a few words.

    Anyway, not bad, good luck with the contest.

1 - 6 of 6