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Been held down for so long 2
Been made to feel so small3
Been trying to act strong4
Been weak since I could crawl5
Hope for some kind of better life6
Hope for days without the rain7
Hope for existence without strife8
Hope to wake without more pain9
Look for light where there is none 10
Look for skies of blue11
Look for change from anyone12
Look for help from you
A contest entry
- Think you gotz poetry skillz? by Naive..
190 points, ended September 26, 2008, 65 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments and critiques welcome. Whether style or plot
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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How wonderful this was...sad but sort of inspiring. A reach out and hook.
Great work!
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Thanks amiga mia
It was intended as a sort of social commentary. A "hey I'm down and kicked around; help me up" theme.
Make you want to volunteer at a soup kitchen?
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Beautifully penned and well expressed ~ best of luck in the contest
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Thank you
It was something that rattled around in my head for awhile and figured I should let it out before it hurt something.
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This is really good, the rhyme isn't forced. So many poems I reads on Storywrite and Allpoetry have forced rhyme, it is great to see one where the rhyming is done well. I also like the ending, the turning to someone else for help that closes the poem off nicely. Good luck in the contest, I can see why you made the finalists list.
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Thanks
I am glad that you gave me the feedback since I agree with that forced rhyme saga. I tend to avoid the poetry form unless something seems to need vented. I only had a couple lines when I started to write and it just seemed to flow. *Brain now rests*
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Wow. I loved this. The first thing I noticed is that it evoked true emotion and true pain without feeling cliche or overdone. Also, it flowed perfectly. I like the repetition and I think it made the poem unique. *adds to finalist list* Fantastic job.
Thanks for entering and good luck. =D
-jj
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