*Reason 1 - My wedding*2
My wedding date is booked for April 18th 2009 and I can't wait! It was previously booked for August 2nd 2008 but due to my father having a heart attack we postponed it until he was well enough to walk me down the aisle. I couldn't imagine him not being there to do that and him being so seriously ill for several months really made me realise quite how important my family are to me. I am really looking forward to my big day, sharing it with my lovely fiance and all our friends and family. It will be amazing.3
*Reason 2 - My dogs!*4
They are my babies. I have two jack russells who I absolutely adore, even when they are little monkeys! They are aged 1 and 2 and were both tiny pups when I got them. I admit I have spoiled them a lot, my fiance is always shouting at me for giving them my left over's and treating them like miniature humans! But I just can't help it. They give me so much love and affection that I just can't put into words. Some days when they start to be naughty I get angry with them, but whenever we go away for the day or night and leave them with my mum I miss them like mad. I think I have only been able to leave them one full night since I got them. I never knew how attached you could grow to an animal until I got my pups. I was never allowed to have a dog growing up as my dad is allergic to their hair, and I always said to my Mum "the day I move into my own house I will get a dog". Well I had been here in my own place for 4 weeks when I did exactly that and then one year later I got my second one. They are best friends, they make me laugh, when I am sad they give me kisses, they just give me unconditional love and that feels pretty good.5
*Reason 3 - My dreams and ambitions*6
I guess I have a lot of dreams that I would like to live out and whilst I might not be able to live all of them, I wouldn't be able to live any if I wasn't here. Right now I am pretty satisfied with my job but I know deep down it isn't a career. I started a nursing degree at university when I was 19 but left after the first year thinking it wasn't for me, however over the last 6 or 7 years since leaving I have deeply regretted that decision. I believe that one day I will go back and complete the course and be able to help and nurse people in the way I want to. I also would like to work with young people who are troubled one day, I feel life experience and just my patient nature could go a long way to helping someone who is a bit messed up. I have a really drive somewhere inside me to help people so I hope one day it happens!7
*Reason 4 - To see the rest of the world*8
I live in the UK and have seen most of it and most of Europe but they are really quite close to home. For the past 3 years I have suffered with agoraphobia which means I find it really difficult to travel far from home without getting really panicky and having to return. It has severely restricted my life for the past few years and now that I am receiving help for it my dreams of travelling the world have come back with a vengeance. I would love to travel to Australia and see family over there. I would love to see the paradise of the Caribbean. I would love to travel to South America and travel down the Amazon. Oh the list is endless, I would love to just get myself better and see the world that is out there!9
*Reason 5 - My baby boy*10
On 11th February 2007 I gave birth to a perfect little boy called Lewis. Lewis is a huge inspiration when I write because he is an angel. The day Lewis was born was also the day he grew his wings because sadly he came 4 months prematurely and didn't manage to take his first breath. It was the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me and I miss him terribly. I have cried so many tears for him I could fill a river. But now keeping his memory alive is all I can do to keep people remembering and I try to support other people now through a stillbirth charity online who have also lost a baby. Until it happened to me I had no idea how common it is, in the UK there are 17 babies who die each day. A lot of the time there is no known reason and in a way I am very thankful that my fiance and I at least have been given a reason why. Lewis meant and will always mean the world to me, he will always be my first child and one day when I feel strong enough to give him a baby brother or sister they will be told what a beautiful brother they had. Now, we spend every Sunday at the cemetery, polishing his stone and leaving fresh flowers, we talk to him and tell him whats been happening in our lives. We know he is always watching over us and that keeps me calm now. My memories have a huge importance as we have so few physical things to remember him by. He has made my fiance and I grow closer than ever as it feels like we are the only 2 people who will ever truly understand how special our little boy was. He is the brightest star in the sky and we love him dearly.11
*Reason 6 - My writing*12
I love writing in my spare time although I am not so great at it yet! But I would love to improve enough that I could attempt to write a novel one day. That's a dream I have had for many years so one day I hope to see it through. I take a lot of inspiration when I write from my own life, good and bad experiences, and also from the lives of those close to me. I believe in the saying "Write what you know" because I think that way you can express emotions so much better and clearer that when you are trying to write something that doesn't flow naturally to you. I have very little interest in fantasy, sci-fi, vampires etc and would be awful at even writing a 300 word story on them! But it is because the interest is not there and I have no knowledge on the subjects. What I do know about I write about, I remember things that have happened and add to it, I let my mind wander off and think - what if something had happened and it all turned out differently? Maybe I could write something where it all has a different ending. So pen goes to paper or should I say fingers to keyboard and I produce some words. As I wrote on my SW profile page my dream is to write something that someday someone will say "Wow" when they read it.13
*Reason 7 - Family*14
I know you asked for different reasons than family, friends etc but they are definitely in my top 10 reasons for living and recently I learned just how much they mean to me. In May my 50 year old father who is very healthy, does not smoke or drink, is fit and active, has a good diet; had a heart attack. It was a massive shock to everyone. Suddenly life went on hold and plans my fiance and I had for our wedding in August immediately went on hold. All that mattered was my father's recovery which initially was a very touch and go situation. For the first time in my life I really had to take notice of the fact I was 26 years old and no longer a child and for the first time ever I had to learn to let the roles reverse, where I supported my parents rather than them support me. It was the first time in my life I saw my mother hysterical with fear and emotion as I held her tight and let her cry into me. Although everyone rallied round and supported me when I lost baby Lewis I was too numb with my own grief to really notice, however this time with my father being on life support I suddenly noticed how close knit a family I had. Everyone dropped everything in their lives, holidays were cancelled, people took time out from their jobs, every night and day a family member was by my father's bedside willing him to wake up. I remember one day when my dad was still on life support going to visit baby Lewis' grave and saying to him that I would never ask him for anything at all but if I had one wish other than to bring him back it was for him to gather all the angels together and watch over my dad for me. A few days later my dad woke up and came off life support by the following week. After 6 weeks he was allowed home and is now making a great recovery. I now realise that even though my teenage years were full of arguments with him, I now value my father as one of the most important and special people in my life and I hope its a long time away yet before he has to leave this earth.15
*Reason 8 - Because life matters*16
Losing baby Lewis, my father coming close to death, battling to overcome depression and agoraphobia have all taught me something. Life matters. There were many moments after losing Lewis that I felt completely numb and wondered what the point was in being alive when I hurt so badly and had lost something so precious but somehow those days passed, the hurt began to ease, and I started to appreciate life again. I have seen with my own eyes how quickly life can be taken away. A close friend of mine died when we were both only 17 after she injected heroin for her first time. Friends who were with her that night said she "just wanted to experiment and try it to know how it felt" - everyone believes that she only wanted to try it that one time because she had a lot of family problems and just wanted to feel numb and at peace for a few hours. But she took too much and her life was over. She had hopes and dreams and ambitions and people who loved her and people she would have loved. Life can be taken away in a second but you can never get it back. It matters, and even when you go through the toughest emotionally draining events in the world and wonder what the hell the point is in anything anymore - well - one day, sometime in the future, you will have a moment of happiness again and realise that every cloud really does have a silver lining.17
*Reason 9 - Music*18
Music has got me through some very hard times, but has also brought me so much happiness. You know when you have a real favorite song that as soon as the first few beats have played you just recognise it instantly and a huge smile comes over your face? Your body starts to rock or maybe you stand up and start to dance around the room. You hear music that makes you want to dance, music that you want to sing at the top of your lungs, lyrics that make you cry and lyrics that are the most beautiful words you have ever heard. There are songs that bring back memories, songs that you share with a loved one and call "our song", there are just so many songs with so many meanings and I just could not imagine not being here and hearing music around me anymore. 19
*Reason 10 - Laughter*20
Could you ever imagine never laughing again? Never feeling your cheeks pull upwards and your lips widen? The laughter rising up your throat and escaping from your mouth? Or the even wilder laughter when someone just says something so off-guard that is so hilarious you start to have tears run down your face, the worst is when you have just had a mouthful of juice and it threatens to either spray out your mouth or even your nose?! You know the laughter I mean. Everyone must have had a moment with a friend or someone when you have the giggles so bad you just have to look at each other and you are rolling about in hysterics again! I couldn't imagine never having another moment like that. In fact I want one right now, I want to laugh until my jaws ache and my belly hurts and I am left with a stupid grin plastered across my face! Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.... Or so they say.21
So there you go, there are my top 10 reasons for living. I hope you enjoy reading them
Silver trophy winner
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