They both leaned against the bright red stonewall, looking down at the festivities below. Whether they were thinking too much or thinking far more than they really should, one pervasive thought filled Luke and Fei’s mind. ‘It was time.’1
“It has been a long time hasn’t it?”2
“Not really.” Luke then stared at the wedding preparations below, watching the last few people who arrived. 3
“It’s too bad though…”4
Fei’s quite comment brought Luke’s head back up. “What do you mean?”5
She sadly looked up at him and smiled. “It’s too bad that our feelings for each other never changed.”6
Luke laughed as he bitterly shook his head. “No…I guess not.” Then he sighed, uncertain on what to do. “Y-you look good in your dress by the way.” Somehow he felt, he was better off not saying anything at all.7
Fei lifted her hand from the warm mansion wall. “Well, it is our wedding day. Also…” She approached him softly “You don’t look half-bad yourself.”8
“Thanks...” Luke averted his eyes, too embarrassed to say another word.9
“Luke.” She smiled. “Do you remember the first words you ever said to me? I still recall you saying them ’Will you dance with me?’”10
Immediately images waltzed through his mind of the banquet Fei’s parents had thrown to announce her engagement. Back then, he was only six years old and didn’t know any better. At that time he promised to the crying girl, that the engagement would never happen… He swore that it will all be just pretend, that everything would remain the same. So she agreed, and both promised that it will always be just pretend. And even after all the gossip, the whispering, the bitter sneers that filled the room, Luke suddenly realized on that day, they danced without a care in the world. 11
Asking suddenly, Fei held the ends of her dress and made a curtsy. “May I have this dance?”12
Eyes widening, Luke could only stare at her.13
“Just this once…before the wedding…” Ignoring his surprise, Fei calmly reached forward and clasped his hand in hers. Holding it, she said almost desperately, “Please, dance with me.”14
“I don’t know…” Luke’s voice cracked slightly, “I don’t know if I can.”15
“This is my final request to you as your sister.” Her voice softened. “I may not be you sister by blood but…I am your sister by heart.”16
After a moment of silence, Luke sighed and slowly nodded his head. “Sure.”17
So they danced. Even after the sun began to disappear from the horizon and the light began to fade, they kept dancing. There was neither music nor melody being played, yet somehow it all echoed in their heart. 18
Suddenly, Fei stopped dancing and thrust him close. “I’m sorry.” Suddenly Luke felt a tear fall to his shoulder.19
Luke held her tighter. “I know.” He stilled and looked into her eyes.20
Slowly, the orchestra below began to play…it was time.21
They stood against each other, either unwilling to move or unable to make the first step. For all it was worth, they both knew there was no turning back. 22
“In the end, we were not able to keep our promise.” She finally spoke. 23
With one final squeeze of his hand, she turned around, and stepped into the stairwell. 24
Their arranged marriage was about to begin.25
Luke now stood alone. He wished they could have done so much more. But there was a fine line between his and her heart. He wished, that it could have lasted forever. But he finally knew that nothing lasts forever. 26
Still… 27
He didn’t expect forever to end so soon.28
“Goodbye…sister.”29
...30
TBC
Author notes
A sort of a continuation to the story link below.
But I try to make it stand alone in some way.
http://storywrite.com/story/133641
A contest entry
- Taste of the South by Mel-the-Believer.
100 points, ended February 1, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Is the plot, dialogue corny?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This was really great. I loved it and part of me was sad to see it end. I wanted to know about these characters. Very nicely done. Thank you so much for entering. Good luck. God Bless!
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I really enjoyed reading this story. The writing was compelling from the onset and it made me want to read on and on. I do have a few suggestions that would 'tighten' up this poignant tale.
Always start dialogue on a new line. eg - You did this in the 2nd - 6th paragraph. In the 7th, you didn't.
Try this, Luke laughed as he shook his head, his voice bitter as he spoke, "No, I guess not."
He sighed, uncertain of what to do.
"Y-you look good in your dress by the way,' he stuttered, but somehow he felt he was better off not saying anything at all.
5th paragraph - I think it should read as - Fel's quiet comment ...etc ...
7th paragraph - I don't think 'bitterly' is the right adjective to use here. One can give a 'bitter' look etc, but not to bitterly shake his head.
Further down in your story, you used the word suddenly twice in the same line. Try to avoid doing this as it detracts from the flow of the story.
I hope I've been of some help.
Really a good story!
Best wishes
Bernice -
Wow this was good. I mean a really good story...i thought they would have been a twist indeed because they so much did not want for it to happen and they fact that they called one another family only increases the fact that they really did not want for it to happen...it was really emotional and you made sure the reader understood some if not all of what the characters were feeling...Pretty great job, Keep it up. I'll Be Reading.
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Wow good story! very moving and emotional, you convey it well! It takes a good writer to make readers feel what the characters are feeling, you my friend, are a good writer...
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this is quite moving. in regards to dialogue, line 15 seemed quite corny to me. the flashback towards the beginning was adequately conveyed and definitely added to the characterisation. perhaps a little more contextualisation...
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I loved it!
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Great story!!
Beautiful story! I loved it... Yet I don't understand why they hadn't taken any steps to prevent the marriage. I read, thinking "no way! there's gotta be a twist!", yet, when the story ends, I can't help feeling for them. Very poetic! Keep writing!!
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