If Angels Cry

Call it female intuition. Call it psychic ability. Call it whatever you wish to call it. The moment I saw Jerry's new car, a peculiar sensation crept into my body, freezing me on the spot. It was his new car, a birthday present from his father: a bright red jeep. Don't take me wrong, I loved the car, red was my favorite color, but... something was just plain wrong about it. 1

We had had a great night celebrating Jerry's 21st anniversary at a restaurant located about 16 miles from the city. Some of his friends owned the place.They had invited Jerry to party there and of course, Cloud and I were invited as well, since we were his best friends. Besides, we formed a band called Ordo Draconis: I was the singer, pianist and songwriter, Jerry played the bass and Cloud, the guitar. We could sing for the guests, as well as party.2

The party ended at four in the morning. I knew we were supposed to go back home with Jerry's new jeep, but I found myself disliking the idea even more when I saw it again, shining like blood in the dim light of a street lamp. That thought made me shudder involuntarily.3

"Hey, are you cold?" 4

Cloud's warm voice brought me back to reality and I turned to look into his brilliant blue eyes. We had been childhood friends and I had had a crush on him ever since I first met him. Too bad he was already engaged and I had to admit, she was a great person. She was more than I could ever be. She was the one who could make him truly happy, not me. 5

"C'mon, you two lovebirds!" Jerry smirked. "I can't wait to try this new baby!"6

Jerry knew about my crush. Cloud had probably figured out as well already that I had a thing for him. I guess it was better that he acted like he had no clue about it. 7

He must have seen the reluctant expression on my face, because he gave me an encouraging smile and opened the door for me. I smiled back and got into the car, in the back, while he and Jerry took the front seats. 8

A few minutes later, the music was banging loudly in our ears, resonating inside the vehicle. I couldn't possibly imagine how Cloud and Jerry could still talk to each other. I couldn't wait to get home. More than the exhaustion, that strange feeling was back. I tried to tell myself that it was just claustrophobia. 9

I closed my eyes and seeked comfort in the loud music and pleasant thoughts (like Cloud proposing to me) and it somewhat worked. After a few moments, I was feeling better. I was relieved. I opened my eyes, suddenly happy and wanting to tell the boys about that silly sensation bugging me earlier. 10

My voice died in my throat for the first time in my life as the light hit my eyes. Not even a small whimper had time to roll on my lips. I inwardly braced myself for the impact as the horn covered the music volume, echoing in my ears for what seemed ages before darkness fell like a curtain over me. 11

And with darkness, came the silence. 12

* * *13

One beep. And another. Vague at first, but then clearer... one by one, the beeps became perfectly clear to me. I started to count them, not quite knowing what else to do. I stopped counting when I reached 99, suddenly remembering that I had eyes. Why not see what the constant beeping was?14

The light didn't hurt my eyes, as I had expected. The pale-blue ceiling gave me the feeling that I was at home, in my room, but my nose picked up a scent I couldn't associate with my home. Oh, how I hated it... the scent of illness and medicine usualy found in hospitals. What the hell was I doing in a hospital?! 15

I moved my fingers, trying to make sure I was alright. My body seemed to be okay, so I got up slowly and stared at my hands. There were clean, loose bandages around my wrists, hanging strangely, but I could see no wounds. My ankles were wrapped in loose banadages as well and I noticed I was wearing a white, summer dress. 16

I quickly located the source of the beeping: the person lying half-dead in the other bed in the room was connected to those dreadful things used to monitor a person's heart and pulse. I left the room, wondering whether I was having a nightmare or not. 17

The corridor was like a subway platform at rush hour. Nurses seemed to be flying up and down the hall, none of them seeming to notice me. I went with the flow, looking at the people passing by. Something was drawing me to the other side of the corridor and I followed my instincts, the image of a magnet appearing in my mind. 18

"The whole Univers is based upon the law of attraction." I shrugged inwardly, stopping in front of a door. 19

I didn't even have the patience to finish reading the name. 'Cloud' was enough for me to blow in like storm. One glimpse made me go blind with tears and I covered my mouth to stop a silent scream. I could barely stand on my feet anymore. 20

Cloud was lying in the only bed in the small ward, connected to all those machines I was afraid of, tubes going inside his body through his mouth and nose. His face was bruised and the little parts of the rest of his body visible to me were covered in bandages.21

"Cloud!" I finally whimpered, dragging my feet to get closer. "C-cloud, what... what h-happened?" 22

I thought he was looking at me, but it was only in my direction. When I realized that, I turned around and saw Christine, his fiance, looking at him through a sea of tears. She could barely hold them back anymore. 23

"The doctor said your windpipe was crushed." she managed to say in a quavering voice. "You couldn't breathe without these devices." 24

I saw her take a deep breath and she closed her eyes for a moment before breathing out: 25

"Jerry's fine. He's only got a few minor fractures." 26

It dawned on me just before the words left Christine's mouth.27

"But Lee's dead, Cloud. She died on the way to the hospital." she said, unable to stop the tears as her voice broke. 28

I was... dead? Why? 29

A memory of loud music and bright lights came back to me. Fresh tears drowned my eyes as a thousand emotions hit me all at the same time. Of course. The flashlights... the horn... the truck. I'd probably hit my head. 30

"Don't cry!" I heard Christine whisper to the man I loved. "Everything's going to be alright."31

I had always wanted to tell him about how I felt. Everything was over now. I could no longer tell anyone anything. My time had passed. And so, the last lyrics of my forever unfinished song came to life out of death. 32

"If angels cry amongst us, it's because there's no air amongst the clouds."33