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I watched her drive away with my heart attached to her bumper. I saw the broken pieces shimmer in the streetlights. Standing there, I waited for the headlights to be cast in my direction, delivering my love back to me. She rounded the street corner and I fell into the shadows of the night.3
The wind picked up and blew my tears to the cold concrete. The smell of fresh rain lingered in the air. Golden leaves swirled around me and the brisk wind sent chills down my spine. Wrapping myself tighter in my jacket, I made my way up the beaten path to my front porch.4
I continued to wait on the weather worn, swing bench until the wee hours of the morning. As I made my way up the creaking stairs, the rain began to fall in spouts, mimicking my tears. It sounded like falling rocks as it beat on the roof of the house. The Oak tree outside my window danced like a ghost as it tapped playfully at my window.5
An eerie silence crept into my room as I closed my eyes to reality. I lay on my side, facing away from the window so as not to witness the golden ray of light streaking the summer sky. Pulling the pillow over my head, I prepared myself for the big bang that was sure to follow. 6
In failing to force images of her from my mind, I tried to find peace in the dying thunderstorm. My heart beat to the rhythm of the thunder and my body swayed to the melody of the pattering rain. The music of nature sang me into sweet dreams.7
I awoke the next morning to a blinding light, piercing its way into my room. Not a single cloud lingered in the beautiful, blue sky. Traces of the storm were washed away with the rain. A groan escaped my lips as I pulled the blankets over my head, secretly pleading for just a few more minutes of sleep. However, the aching hole in my chest wouldn’t allow it. 8
Suddenly, memories of the night before flashed before my eyes, leaving me blinded by cascading tears. The argument, the yelling and the pain, it all came back crystal clear.9
“You cheated on my Jess, with the one person I hate more than anything in this world! She’s my ex for Christ’s sake!” I blurted out in a fiery rage.10
“Kyra, you’re overreacting. Now, calm down before you give yourself an asthmas attack!” she said, leaning against the hood over her midnight blue Eclipse.11
Taking a step towards her, I hurled back, “I’m overreacting? Are you fucking serious?”12
She shuffled her feet while staring aimlessly at the ground. “Okay, maybe not but you still need to calm down-“13
But I cut her off. “Calm down? The love of my life cheated on me for the last three months of our relationship and has come to the conclusion that she would prefer to be with her instead of me! But yet, you want me to calm down?”14
Frustrated, she took a step towards me with the flames of anger dancing in her eyes. Instinctively, I took a step backwards. Her nails dug into my shoulders as she forced me to look into her bullshit brown eyes.15
“I’m not picking her over you. I just need time-“16
“You need time for what? To figure out that you’re better off without me? Time to fall in love with someone else and find happiness in somebody else’s arms? What is so wrong with me? What does she have that I don’t? What do I have to do to get you to stay?” I screamed frantically. 17
Shaking me violently, she sent tremors throughout my body. Looking me sternly in the eye she said, “Just shut up for a minute and let me try and explain!”18
I choked back a sob before nodding for her to continue. 19
Stepping away from me, she directed her gaze towards the pebble at her feet. “I did it for us-“20
That was the last straw! “You did it for us? That’s the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard! You can’t even look me in the eye! Tell me something real, dammit!”21
Looking down at me, the twinkle in her eyes was long gone. Instead, they looked glazed, almost sickly. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes. “Alright, you want something real? You want the truth? The truth is” she paused, inhaling deeply. “The truth is, I’m not in love with you anymore.”22
The streetlights flickered on as the hope in my heart blew out. Those words left me gasping for air as I sank to my knees. A drowning sensation swam through my entire being as my body connected with the hard ground. I felt a clammy hand at my back but shied away from it.23
She stood and walked carefully back to her car, never once looking back. Before she closed the door I shouted, “Tell me it isn’t real! Tell me you still love me!”24
With her tears threatening to fall and her hand on the door she replied back in the coldest voice I had ever heard. “I’m sorry Kyra, but this is real. I don’t love you. I feel absolutely nothing for you. I’ll be by Monday to pick up my stuff.”25
Squealing tires shook the dense air as she pulled out of the driveway and sped down the road. Since then, every time a car drives by, I jump up in the hopes that it is her, coming back. Every time my phone lights up, I pray her ring tone starts playing. I even check my e-mail account every five minutes, hoping that she thinking of me at work. Yet, never do I receive anything from her. All I got in return for all that I gave is a shattered heart. 26
It wasn’t long until my eyes seemed to be permanently pink and puffy due to all the crying I was constantly doing. My parents became concerned when they realized I hadn’t been sleeping or eating enough for a college bound girl. I’d lost twenty pounds in one week and I hadn’t slept a wink. I was falling downhill, fast.27
My world was spinning out of control and I was losing myself, but I’d never let her know. My family and friends told me to cut off all contact with her and I did, but only for my benefit. I wanted to see how long she could go without talking to me. I wanted to see how long she could go without thinking about me. 28
All the memories of us together played like a movie in my mind, only, it was black and white and there was no sound. The hands on the clock seemed broken. For time only crept slowly by. Seconds felt like minutes. Minutes seemed like hours. Hours turned into days. And the days all seemed to blur into one.29
I spent most of my day in bed, finding comfort in my teddy bear, Mr. B. Many times a day, my dad would remind me that I still had a lot of laundry and packing left to do. He didn’t understand. To do that meant to sort things out and go through all of her things. 30
She was expected to come and get her stuff the next day but I thought I’d save her the trouble of looking for it all, then toting it out to her car. If I could help it, I didn’t want her anywhere near my room, or in my house for the matter. So, I took the liberty of packing her things for her and placing the boxes under the carport.31
Monday came into view and I woke up early, hoping that she would come by and get her stuff before she went to work. I kept a close eye on her things. I didn’t want somebody to come up and take her stuff. Yet, the more I thought about it, the less I truly cared. She stole my heart and didn’t give a damn about what happened to it. So, why should I care about her priceless junk?32
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