Nine minutes

Nine minutes to write about myself. Nine minutes to tell what it is that I hide away from the world, the thoughts that scare me but, at the same time, make complete and total sense.
The deepest feeling is uncontrolable and bottomless hatred. I'm not talking about everyday emo. I'm talking a deep, bitter spitefullness that fills everything I do and creeps up in my mind and forces me to keep going, even though I just want to drop off of the planet. The hate that says I'm not good enough and that I never will be. The hate that tells me that I will never truly belong and that everyone I know really hates me, too. A hate that hurts more than any injusry, and eats me away from the inside.
It is the hate that needs to end. A happier me is fighting with all of this hatred, trying to tell me that, yes, I am good enough and that every effort is worth it, no matter the outcome. That is the person I strive to be. The person that is happy with who I am, and knows my friends are true to me.
There is also the animalistic side of me. The one that wants to rip someone apart when my anger surpasses a certain level. It's also the side taht drives me to bite and claw my boyfriend as we get deeper into our relationship and we become more passionate and sexually involved. It is the side that wants to solve everythintg with conflict, especially if it involves blood and injuries that will take long periods of time to heal. It wants to bite deep into the throat of the enemy and rip and tear to shreds. To inflict pain beyond imagine.
And the emotional side that wants to cry for the world's problems, but maybe never fix them. The side that wants to cry over everything, then drop off into wonderous oblivion.