The Story Of My Life

I remember when I was just a little girl...I was so happy, but then came on the teenage years and it brought me to a depression that I never really understood...When I was only 14, my parents separated and I remember that day so well...My dad had come home from off the road...and him and my mom were drinking, only he was downing pills at the same time right in front of me and my sister...Him and my mom ended up fighting over alot of different things...stupid things at that...and he ended up pushing her outside on the ground and kicking her..He was running around like a wild man, while I was trying to get him to calm down...He ended up hitting me full force in my stomach and I fell to the ground crying so bad. Later on he grabbed a knife out of the kitchen and put it to his throat. He tried so many ways of killing himself right in front of me that night such as cutting the end off an extension cord and was going to get in the bathtub, trying to hang himself with the carjack thing in the garage that lifted up cars that he would work on. My mom, sis, me, and alot of our close friends were there when this all happened, and we all ended up walking up town and my dad was coming after us acting really crazy and stupid...I had no shoes on and no coat on...It was very cold outside so I ended up having to sneak back home and get my shoes and coat from the back porch. My dad was never really there for me. He was a truck driving man, always gone on the road and when he would call home he wouldn't even bother to ask to talk to me or my sister. After my parents separated, my dad ended up getting into crack/cocaine (A very heavy narcotic), and started abusing me...only because I was stupid enough to think that I could help him with his problem..He would pick up hookers at truck stops when he was driving truck and I can remember one time me and my sister was cleaning his truck out...and found a bunch of dirty movies, and a pair of women's undergarments. They were not my mothers size, so we knew what he had been doing. My depression ended up getting worse, going on every day wondering what it would be like tomorrow. If I would get hit or kicked or punched or verbally abused...I got tired of all of this abuse one day, and was at my mom's house and when I came home to my dad's house, he was using threatening words with me...So I went and called my grandma to see if I could move in with her. Of course, she said that I could so I went downstairs to get my things around and here I am getting all my clothes and throwing them in a bag and my dad comes downstairs and starts getting angry with me because I am finally willing to stand up and get out of his life. I was walking up the stairs and he ended up hitting me, so I turned around and punched him in his face...and it seemed like it was a non ending thing right there...I was standing there getting beat in the face by my dad, and then I walked outside with my bag of clothes and other things and he was kicking me, and hitting me with everything that I had so I turned around, and ended up trying to push him down the stairs..but that didn't work too well so I ran outside and told my uncle what was going on...He is one of those guys who was a bouncer in a bar...so here my dad and his own brother are getting in a fight because of what I was doing, and yet I felt like it was my fault, because I lived with my dad and I had dealt with it for so long but then when I finally gave up...It's like it was a really hard thing to deal with cuz I loved my dad more then anything...We were so close...and now its like he doesn't even care about me Like I was the one who did something wrong. He is now married to some controlling bitch, and I don't feel its necessary for me to even talk to him...It is so hard when someone you love just gives up on you, just like they always have and always will...I'm just writing part of my feelings down...This isn't even close to everything that has happened...I was almost raped by some guy and my friend knew how he was didn't bother telling me...or doing anything while she heard me telling him no...I just feel its hard for me to open up to anyone so here I am trying to get my thoughts out...1