As the girl stared out at the ever changing landscape before her, she found herself wishing. She wished for bygone times, for a land untouched by pain and sadness, free to allow Nature’s elements to run their course. 1
Now and then a faint smile touched her lips as memories pushed their way to the front of her mind. Memories that were filled with a love and happiness beyond reckoning, times when the pain of the world seemed so distant. 2
She realized then that every tree and shrub was different, it had not always been as it was now. And reflected in the sparkling waters of the river was not pain, but change. 3
She realized too, that she had changed, for to survive in the present, one must move from the past. Change is inevitable, but not always unfortunate, for with it comes hope. Hope for a new life, a new beginning. 4
The girl sat up a little straighter in the saddle and looked around at the landscape not with disdain, but with profound respect. She had seen the importance of change and it opened her eyes, allowing her to see the world in a new light. She could see clearly now the sun touched grass and the way it swayed gently in the wind, the sunflower whose beautiful head always followed the sun. Every tree was different, wrought in a design that pleased Nature. The dancing water shimmered in the sun and the snow-capped peaks in the distance provided the perfect backdrop to Nature’s set. 5
This was not the end. No, it was the beginning of a new season filled with unknown and uncountable delights. It was the start of something new that enabled survival in the present. It was rich, colourful and the discovery of a world so much bigger than ever imagined. It was the first day of the rest of her life. It was change.
Author notes
As can probably be noticed, this is a random snippet. It came into my head and I decided I had to write it down. I have a yet to write a story to go with it.
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A contest entry
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Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Good job!
Well done! I loved it! I'm in the same contest as you so I thought I'd check it out. Really good!
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The writing flowed beautifully and was homogenous. The only problem was the constant us of the word “she”. The constant use of it seems to make to writing cumbersome at times but this is not a big deal as you mentioned it was just blind writing.
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I get random snippets like that. In fact, most of my stories are random snippets of dreams or daydreams. They are usually my best pieces. You have a profound thought here. Something that usually takes a person years to realize. Well written! Good job!
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OK, well.........
Simple piece of philosophy and self realisation, probably useful nearer the middle of a story, unless it's going to be composed largely of flashbacks.
It's nicely written, but needs a context. Hence the idea that it's set at the end of some sort of adversity which embodies a severe loss; gems achieve polish only through friction.
Don't lose it. I suggest the character is not some sort of hero or heroine in her own eyes, nor anyone else's, that would be too hackneyed. Nor a war, for same reason. Something natural, like an earthquake or tsunami, would chime in with the theme.
Maybe it's a turning point, from despair to hope, but make the despair brief and catastrophic; it already has the feel of good news no matter what, and climbing from adversity takes time and real determination, as well as an appreciation of what nature does.
Hope this helps. -
This is an excellent write. I can't seem to think of a single thing taht I would change in it. Sometimes short writes are even better than longer ones. Good job!
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Nicely done. I like the language of this story, but I think it could do with a little more meat/metaphor. You're commenting on some deep feelings and concepts, perhaps offer some examples on them? FOr example "Change is inevitable...for it comes with hope". On this paragraph, you're commenting on something writers think and write about often... and while you phrase it nicely, it'd be nice to see your (or rather your characters) personal imput on it.
As a beginning, I really like this. I think you could take it in some cool directions. Maybe, if this is an intro, begin where you left off with some description on the main character? Your voice is strong, and it'd be nice to see your third person description of the main character.
Good job
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"The dancing water shimmered in the sun and the snow-capped peaks in the distance provided the perfect backdrop to Nature's set. 5" that is a great line. it really paints the picture. change is an interesting concept.
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Very good
I really like your style of writing. It reminds me for some strange reason of some developer riding a horse to survey land which could not be accessed by car and wishing that it could stay the way it is free to continue to change. Yet wishing at the sametime that she could stop change in order to stop the sadness.
Now I am done rambling about loggers on horses, think you could really work with this piece. It is so incredibly moving. I can't wait to see the story you make with this fabulously touching bit of story….. you can count on me to read your other pieces later on.
PS you mat notice i gave a low rating on some elements, thats only because you're yet to add them.
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