Still untitled Star trek story... needs an ending now as well as a title... continued

1

With the deepening shadows of his sparely decorated room, James Kirk could tell that several hours had gone by while he just sat there and did nothing. Yet knowing this he still did not move. Really, he did not think he even had the energy to move.2

The fight on Genesis had taken most of his energy as well as any fight that he had left in him. Then there was the death of David and the destruction of the Enterprise. Kirk was not even sure that there was even a reason for fighting any more. So he just sat there in his dark room all alone. Hiding. Hiding from a reality, he just could not deal with anymore.3

Realistically he knew it would all catch up to him yet he was not worried about it. Now he just needed time, time to think, to straighten out all the different emotions that he was feeling.4

His bruised and battered body was telling him that it was time to rest yet his mind, so distraught from all that he had been through could not stop its thinking.5

He began to drift back to his arrival on Vulcan. Sarek and Uhura were there to meet the weary travelers. Uhura told him how she had arrived safely on Vulcan thanks to Ambassador Sareks help. Sarek had then taken Kirk off to the side and spoken his thanks for bringing his son home to him alive if not yet well. Sarek had only meant to comfort Kirk when he had told him this but it really had not helped. Kirk would have done anything to have Spock back with him. Now there was at least a hope that Spock might someday return to him. He had begun to lose all hope in such a thing to ever occurring. 6

Something was pricking at the back of Kirks mind desperately trying to gain his attention. To bring him back out of his all-consuming thoughts. He reluctantly brought himself to awareness only to see McCoy standing beside his chair with a very worried look on his face.7

“….Damn it Jim quit playing the zombie act and talk to me.” His voice sounded very far away, Kirk could tell he was worried about him but could not do anything about it. He just sat there looking straight ahead. To reach out now would be too painful. He just could not handle anything else right now.8

Suddenly two strong hands reach out and grab Kirk, bringing his attention more into focus. “Jim listen to me. You just cannot sit there for the rest of your life. You’re gonna have to talk with someone.” By the tone of McCoy’s voice Kirk could tell that he was hurting too. Still, even knowing his friend was hurting he could not reach out to him. Kirk feared that McCoy’s pain would swallow him up. Destroying what little of himself he still had.9

“Listen Jim, Spock’s still alive. You saved him!” Hysteria was now in McCoy’s voice. “Damn it Jim he NEEDS you… we ALL need you.” Tears were in his eyes. Without knowing what he was, doing Kirk reached up and touched those tears. McCoy grabs hold of that hand.10

“Bones?” Kirks voice sounded weak even to his ears. “Please don’t…” Slowly a small smile appears.11

“Jim I was so worried about you. When you didn’t answer me I thought that…” McCoy’s deep pain threatened to spill over into tears once more. “Jim don’t you ever do that to me again!”12

“Just thinking Bones, that’s all.” Kirks full attention was not on the conversation and McCoy knew it.13

“That’s your problem, Jim. You have been thinking too much. Just sitting and thinking about all that’s happened isn’t going to change anything.”14

“I know bones.” Kirk was beginning to drift again. His thoughts were beginning to look good to him, and the strain of keeping up a conversation was beginning take its toll on his remaining strength.15

Kirk could see that McCoy was not about to let him slip back into his own private thoughts again. McCoy had that look on his face that said to Kirk… be prepared I am going to fight here. Kirk knew too that McCoy was determined to win. Yet Kirk too was just as determined not to let him.16

Once again, McCoy grabbed Kirks shoulders and started shaking him wildly.17

“Damn it Jim… I am not gonna let you do this to yourself. Not when you still have so much to live for.”18

“Like what, Doctor?” A trace of the bitterness that Kirk felt was leaking out with the words he was speaking. He quickly clamps down on that emotion. To feel one emotion meant that others would soon show and Kirk was just not ready to deal with that just yet.19

“Spock’s gonna need you.” McCoy half whispers. “The Vulcan healers can’t do it all Jim. He’s gonna need you too. You are the other half of his Soul without you he is lost.”20

“It is not gonna be like this forever, Jim. You know Spock he’ll have to come to you sooner or later.” 21

“McCoy you don’t know that! Kirk stutters. Yes, I knew him before… but what about now. What’s he like…now. With everything that he has been through will he even want to see me…?” With those words spoken all the pain and sorrow that Kirk had been hiding began to show. He quickly turned his head away from McCoy hoping that his friend would take the hint and leave him alone.22

“Jim,” McCoy begins with a sigh. “Who did Spock remember on Mount Selya…?” McCoy remembers in his minds eye that Spock walked past all of his friends as they stood in a line waiting to see him. He only paused in his walk when he came to Kirk; there he spoke for the first time since his refusion. “He said your name Jim. He did not say anyone else’s name… just yours. He will see you! Of that I have no doubt.”23

“I hope that you’re right, McCoy.” Kirk rubbed at his tired red eyes. “I’m tired Bones, really tired. Just so damn tired of everything. 24

“I know Jim. I know. You do need some rest. Here let me help you into bed. Later we can get you something to eat.” McCoy helps Kirk rise from the seat. Kirks legs tremble from the strain. He had not realized exactly how weak he was.25

Kirk was sound asleep before his head hit the pillow. McCoy gently covers him up and leaves the room.26

Downstairs McCoy meets up with Sarek and Amanda. They were sitting in the family room talking about what had happened recently in their lives.27

“Doctor may I offer you a drink?” asked Sarek as he saw the doctor enter the room. “I believe that you prefer whiskey, am I correct?”28

“Yes, sir whiskey it is.” McCoy gently moves to a soft looking seat and sat down. Sarek then hands him a drink. “Thank you, sir. McCoy quickly takes a drink then states. Great stuff you have here, Ambassador.”29

Sarek nods his head in acknowledgement of the compliment.30

“Leonard how is the Admiral?” Amanda asks already knowing the answer. “I saw him when he arrived earlier and he looked horrible. Like a man who had lost all hope.”31

“Well, Lady Amanda…”32

“Please Doctor call me Amanda.”33

“Well yes, as I was saying Lady… uh… Amanda. He has been through a lot lately. First that madman Khan nearly kills him and does kill Spock…” McCoy nearly chocks on his drink when he realizes what he had just said and to whom he had said it. “Uh… sorry.”34

“No need Doctor, Sarek replied. Please continue.”35

“Well you have to understand that hurt him deeply. How deeply we may never really know. Then all the troubles he has been having with Carol and David.” McCoy just shakes his head in wonder as he remembers how Carol had treated Jim and how Jim had just let her get away with it. Then my getting sick on him.”36

“Doctor, Sarek interrupts. You were not at fault for becoming ill.”37

“I’m aware of that Sarek and so is Jim… now. Still that did not stop all the pressure that he was under then. He knew what was happening to me. Hell he even went to Nogura about it. McCoy snorts at his disgust of the situation. Little good that did him. All the bitterness he felt just coming out as he spoke.38

McCoy threw up his arms in disgust and continued with his story. “In the end Jim had no choice but to disobey orders and get me out of that hospital. He stole the Enterprise. Sabotaged another starship and assaulted some Starfleet personnel… He did all this to get me back to Genesis…. and to Spock.”39

McCoy pauses to let all that he had said sink in. Then he takes a deep breath and continues. “Can you imagine what was going on in that man’s mind the whole time this was going on?” McCoy just shakes his head as he once again realizes what it means to have a friend like James Kirk. “He had to realize that his career with Starfleet was over. That it would be the end of all that he had worked so very hard for most of his life. Still he did it without even a second thought.40

“When we got to Genesis and found out that Spock was alive… That he, David and Saavik were all hostages of those Klingon bastards…” McCoy begins to shuffle in his chair a little.41

“Then the fight and David was dead. It happened so quickly that no one really believed it had happened. However, when Saavik confirmed it Jim nearly broke right then and there. I have never seen him hurting so bad in my life.42

“He did save you all Leonard.”43

“Yes, he did Amanda. He did what he has always done… he turned death into a fighting chance. Look at the cost to him this time His career, his ship, his son, Spock, maybe even his own sanity.”44

“You fear for his sanity Doctor?” asked Sarek with a puzzled look.45

“Yes, I do Sarek. Jim has had many things happen to him in his life that could break the strongest of men. Yet he has always pulled through with astounding resiliency. But this time…” McCoy shakes his head as a great sadness nearly overcoming him. This time I am not sure that he can come back.46

“He is a strong man Doctor.”47

“Yes he is Sarek but even the most strong of men have a breaking point and this time I fear that Jim may of reached his.48

“Leonard” Amanda asks, “Please continue on with what happened next. We need to know.”49

McCoy looks first at Amanda then Sarek. He takes a deep breath and nods his agreement. “Well that was when Jim ordered the Enterprise to self destruct. You know that I just could not believe Jim would do it. I figured at the last minute he’d pull something out of his hat and save her.” He’s set the self destruct before but always before he’s come up with something to save her.” McCoy just shakes his head. “This time it wasn’t a bluff. He really did it.” McCoy covers his eyes with shaky fingers as he once again remembers how the Enterprise looked from the Genesis planet as she exploded into a million pieces. “Well at least she took some of those murdering bastards with her.”50

Placing hands on shaky knees McCoy continues with his story. “Well down on the planet we found Spock and Saavik. Jim also found David’s dead body. He walked up to his son and covered him with his jacket. He did not even really get to say good-bye because the planet was beginning to break up. All of us were stumped we just did not know what to do. We just knew that was it. Yet even mourning his son James Kirk could not give up. He picked up a dead klingons communicator and called his commander. Boy was he mad when he found us all still alive. Well that Klingon bastard beamed down taking us all by surprise. He orders all of us to beam up to his ship … all save Spock and Jim.51

“Now here is where my knowledge of what happened becomes sketchy at best. I mean I was not there and Jim… well he is not exactly talking to me. If you look at him, you can tell that he has been in a fight. And since the Klingon Commander didn’t come up with Jim and Spock… well he died but exactly how all of this occurred I just don’t know.”52

“Leonard is there any reason that the Admiral will not speak of what has happened? Could he be hiding something from us?”53

Hiding from us, Sarek? No more likely hiding from himself.” answered McCoy.54

Sarek nods his head in silent agreement.55

“Taking over the klingon ship wasn’t hard,” states McCoy silently as he continues with his story. “There was just one lone officer and between the four of us we took control of the ship pretty quickly. Still it did take some time and during this time Jim and the Klingon commander fought. You can tell that just by looking at Jim.”56

“Was he seriously injured during this battle?” asked Sarek concerned for this humans welfare. “If he should need anything…” he began however, McCoy interrupted. “Sarek he’ll heal. Time that is all he needs now just time to heal all his physical and emotional wounds. Thanks for the offer but right now, he is sleeping which is just what the doctor ordered. Later he’ll need to eat something.”57

“I can arrange for that, Leonard.” Amanda stated signaling a servant to attend to her. She spoke a few words to the woman and then turned her conversation back to McCoy. “I can have something light fixed and leave it in the warmer for him. All you will have to do is ask T’Lam here for it.58

“Thanks Amanda that would be just fine. You know I just told Jim that Spock would be coming to visit with him as soon as he was able. How’s he doing anyway?”59

“Physically our son is doing very well considering all that he has been through lately. Answers Sarek. The healers have informed us that he is progressing better than expected though now they are not allowing anyone to see him. They believe that too many visitors may be confusing to him.”60

McCoy shifts uncomfortably in his chair. “That won’t last forever will it Sarek? I mean Jim misses Spock terribly and well, to be honest I am worried about Jim.61

“Worried about him, why doctor? Asks Sarek.62

“Well for one thing Jim isn’t exactly himself right now. He is not talking. Not to me. Not to anyone. He might talk with Spock if he were here but since he is not… well. Let us just say I am very afraid that Jim will regress even further into himself than he already has.63

“Perhaps a healer could help him.” 64

Sarek, I don’t think a healer can do him any good.” McCoy looks up at his friend’s father suddenly feeling very sad. “For one thing Jim would probably fight a healer right now. My biggest fear right now is that if Jim decides that his life is no longer worth living then he will in all probably die. Nothing you or I can do will stop him. Spock might…but no one else.65

You believe our son can stop this from happening. How so? Asked a very confused Amanda.66

McCoy got up from his chair and walked over to the bar where he then preceded to fix himself another drink. He paused giving himself time to come up with a suitable answer to that question. He then returned to his chair. 67

He sighs gently and begins to speak once again with what he hoped was an answer that Sarek and Amanda would understand.68

“Well for one thing Begins McCoy. Jim and Spock are very close. I have never in my entire life encountered two people who are closer than these two. I think that their relationship transcends even that of lovers share. It is as if one without the other is not a whole person. They complete each other. They share the same thoughts. They even finish each others sentences.”69

For several minutes, there was only silence. Then suddenly the silence is broken by Sarek who announces to all “What I believe doctor you are trying to explain is that James Kirk is my son’s Th’y’la.70

“Oh yes, Sarek.” Amanda cries out in joy. “That would explain it all the changes in Spock when he met Jim. All those questions about humans and their many customs he nearly drove me mad with them. Oh Sarek wouldn’t that be just wonderful.”71

“Hey wait a dang minute here!” McCoy exclaims. Exactly what is a T’wy’ala and what exactly does this have to do with Jim and Spock?72

“A th’y’la doctor… replies Sarek automatically correctly McCoy’s phrasing of the word. Is a very hard word to translate into standard or even English. Mainly because the word means so very many things that your language doesn’t have the proper words to express the total meaning of the word.”73

“Leonard, Amanda begins interrupting her husband. A th’y’la is a very special feeling between two people. This feeling is so hard to explain really. The word actually has three meanings any of which can apply to the relationship or even a combination of all three may also apply.74

The meaning as best I can describe in your language is a relationship of a friend, brother, or lover.”75

“Well yeah I can see Spock and Jim as friends very close friends. Even brothers Jim even called Spock his brother once but lovers?” Dunno about that one.” 76

“Well for one thing Leonard, replies Sarek in answer to McCoy question. The two in question could be drawn to one another.”77

“Drawn, now McCoy was really puzzled. You mean like when Spock went into that Kolinahr thing and came back he came back not because he was needed but because Jim needed him.”78

“That is a possibility doctor,” replied Sarek. It is possible that Spock could not finish the discipline because he could not erase James Kirk from his Soul.”79

“Or his heart.” interjected Amanda.80

Sarek says nothing to his wife though his look told Amanda he was not exactly pleased with her thoughts.81

“When V’ger occurred it gave Spock the excuse he needed to return to his friend.”82

“Okay I think I understand what you’re trying to say but what does it have to do with Jim and Spock situation now?”83

“Doctor you still do not understand what I and my wife are trying to explain to you. A th’y’la is drawn to his chosen and no matter the obstacles put before him he will find his chosen. After all, as I am sure you are aware my son can be a very stubborn man.”84

“Don’t I know it?” McCoy replies mostly to himself.85

“So what you are trying to say is that when Spock is ready he will be here to see Jim.”86

“Correct doctor.”87

“Well I can honestly say that I am very much relieved to hear that.” He once again brings his hands to his tired, beard ridden face this time in relief. “I was afraid that after everything that had happened to Spock that he might not want to see him. Of course I didn’t say anything to Jim about this… he’s got enough to worry about right now without having his friendly doctor give him a few more.88

“Leonard, Amanda interjects. When was the last time you had any rest?”89

Startled by the question McCoy had to stop and think about it. “Why with the refusion, talking with Uhura and the others, Jim, I’d say it’s been a while.”90

“Well for one thing you look exhausted.”91

“I do?” He brings shaky hands to his face and it meets with his stubby beard. “Guess I do look a mess.”92

“Perhaps you should try and rest. Should the admiral need anything then my wife or I should be able to handle it. If we are unable to do so we could always awaken you.”93

“You don’t realize just how good that sounds Sarek.” McCoy stands up from his chair. Takes a last swig of his drink then hands the empty glass to Amanda. “Think I’ll take you up on that Sarek.”94

Just then, a loud came from upstairs, coming from the general direction of Jim Kirks room.95

“Then again...” Leonard McCoy replies to himself as he makes a dash for the stairs taking them two at a time. Of course, being a full-blooded Vulcan Sarek beats him to Jim’s room.96

By the time the two men reach the supposedly sleeping mans room it is empty. Admiral James T. Kirk had left his room.97

“Sarek….” McCoy cries. “He can’t have gotten far, he’s just too weak.”98

“Perhaps he is somewhere in the house. I shall have the servants to look for him as well.”99

“I’ll help.” replied McCoy walking down the corridor into another section of the house. Until then McCoy had not realized just how big this house was.100

Several minutes later the frantic searches still had not turned up the missing Admiral. Sarek was giving orders to have the searchers begin looking out of doors, around the gardens and the family chapel.101

“Sarek, there must be a place that none of us are thinking to check. I don’t honestly think that he had the strength to go outside.”102

“Perhaps doctor but where?”103

“I wish Spock were here he wouldn’t have any trouble finding Jim.”104

Sarek turns to look at the Doctor with puzzlement in his eyes. “Pardon I doctor for interrupting but exactly why wouldn’t Spock be having trouble finding the missing Admiral?”105

“Well Spock always seems to know where Jim is, that’s all. Ship, planet, or elsewhere it doesn’t matter.”106

“I see are my son and the Admiral linked doctor?” asked Sarek.107

“Linked? Oh you mean as in a mind meld.”108

“Something likes that doctor.”109

“Well as far as I know they don’t but… well how does one test for a link Sarek?”110

“A healer could determine if one exists or not.”111

“So a link could exist then doctor.”112

“Well yeah I guess it could why?”113

“It could give more proof to Amanda and my theory that the Admiral and Spock are th’y’la.”114

“Oh” was all that McCoy could think to say.115

“Doctor you stated earlier that the Admiral was upset because Spock was not with him.”116

“Well yeah…”117

“Then name me one place that the Admiral would feel closer to my son.”118

Startled Leonard opens his mouth to say something then closed it when he realized that he did not know what he was going to say. He then thinks about James Kirk and the state of mind that he was in when he last saw him. Then it came to him… so simple really. 119

“Sarek I’ll just bet that no one has thought to check Spock’s bedroom.120

“Possibly doctor why don’t you and I go check there.”121

The two men quickly head towards Spocks old room each in his own way hoping to find the Admiral there unharmed.122

Both men stop at the entrance of Spock’s room. Sarek opens the door and reaches to turn the lights on. Brightness suddenly came to the darken room. The first thing that both men notice when the lights come on is a sleeping James Kirk on the bed. For the first time in days, the man looked to be at peace with himself.123

“Well I’ll be a…” McCoy begins but quickly shuts up realizing that if he wakes Kirk up he’d have to stay with him and he was really just to tired to stay up much longer.124

McCoy signals Sarek to shut the lights off and leave the room. Sarek quickly does so and the two men then stand in the hallway quietly talking for a few minutes.125

“Well wasn’t that a welcome sight.” Replies McCoy relief sounding in his tired voice. “Here he is sleeping like a new born babe and we are running all over creation looking for him.” McCoy chuckles a little then turns to Sarek and states “I think I’ll try and get some sleep now that our wondering child is found to be safe and sound.”126

“You think of the Admiral as a child, doctor?” asks Sarek of McCoy. “I would think that at his age you would think of him as an adult.”127

“Oh in most things Jim is an adult but when it comes to his not feeling well or when he is depressed about something he just reminds me of a child that is all…” 128

“I believe…” Sarek replies slowly. “I understand doctor.”129

While the two men had been talking, Sarek had been leading the doctor to his room. Now they stopped in front of a door.130

“Looks like this is my room Sarek I’ll see ya in the morning then.” McCoy opens the door and begins to enter the room. “Oh and Sarek, thanks.”131

“For what doctor.” Asked a puzzled Sarek. It seemed to him that sometimes all this human had to do was open his mouth and Sarek would be confused by what came out of it. Sarek wondered if McCoy had this same affect on Spock.132

“For caring enough to give us a place to stay and heal, For taking time out of your busy life and helping me search for Jim tonight.” McCoy shrugs then continues. “And especially for listening to everything that I had to say.133

For a few minutes, Sarek could think of nothing to say but as the door to the room began to close, Sarek replied to the doctor. “It is I who should be thanking you doctor.”134

“Thanking me?” repeated McCoy confused. “Why? I haven’t done anything.”135

“On the contrary doctor you helped to bring my son back to me alive for that there can never be enough that I can do for you and your friends.”136

This heartfelt statement so stirred McCoy that he became speechless and tears began to moisten his eyes. He just stood there watching Sarek leave. Finally realizing that he was accomplishing nothing by just standing where he was he closed the door and began undressing for a quick shower and then to bed.137

“Well I’ll be damned.” McCoy said to no one in particular. “Just when you think that you have Vulcan’s all figured out they up and do something like that.”138

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx139

Hours pass and the morning has once again come to the planet Vulcan. The quiet of the house of Sarek is unbroken except for the howl of a le marta far off in the distance. The sound it makes is a sad and lonely one. However, the occupants of the house do not even hear it for they are all safe in the land of sleep… all save one that is.140

His sleep once the restful healing sleep he so much needed was now being invaded by dreams. Dreams which at first where pleasant and welcomed ones… then abruptly they changed into terrible nightmares. He tossed and turned suddenly holding his battered hands out to his phantom attacker trying desperately to stop him in his attack…. His battle was becoming more and more pronounced until he suddenly yells out rather loudly “no don’t… I won’t…. can’t… don’t do this… Spock!” Please on please Spock. Spock!” The last call to his friend brought the sleeping man to consciousness. For a few minutes, he just lays there trying to get his bearings. Nothing looked familiar. Then memory kicked in and he knew where he was… Spock’s room.141

He turns his head and watches as the bedroom door slowly opens and Dr. McCoy steps in with a handful of breakfast tray.142

“Well what do you know our wondering boy is awake after all.” McCoy says cheerfully. 143

Jim doesn’t reply. He doesn’t even look up at his friend.144

“What’s the matter Jim?” asks McCoy suddenly growing a little concerned. Jim didn’t just look quite right. Somewhat pale like maybe he’d just had a…. “Was it a nightmare Jim?”145

Kirk didn’t reply he just lay there.146

“Wanna talk about it?” asked McCoy as he places the tray of food he’d brought in front of the prone man. He then begins to set the tray up to be eaten.147

“Get this tray away from me Mccoy. I’m not hungry!”148

“So he does talk.” Replies McCoy sarcastically. I was beginning to believe that he’d lost that ability.”149

“Don’t get smart bones I’m in no mood to put up with you.”150

“Okay I’ll cut out the wise cracks if you’ll tell me what’s wrong.” McCoy takes the tray and sits it on the table. He then sits on the bed beside his friend.151

“It was just a dream Bones,” Kirk shrugged tiredly. “I have had them before. Probably will again.” Jim struggles to sit upright and with McCoy’s help succeeds.152

“I bet it was a beut.” replied McCoy straightening up Jim’s bed covers.153

“Yeah it was,” Kirk replied then realizing he had said too much he shut up.154

“Oh come on Jim,” replied a now angry McCoy. “You’ve confided your dreams in me before why not this time.” McCoy was really getting tired of Jim trying to shut him out and he really was not going to put up with it much longer.155

“Yeah well this one’s different. I’m not going to talk about it Bones so just quit asking, okay?” Kirk pleads.156

“All right Jim if that’s how you really want it, that’s how it will be.”157

Kirk realizing that he had inadvertently hurt his friend tries quickly to make amends. “Look bones, it was just a stupid dream. It was even as interesting as they usually are. Anyway, it isn’t even bothering me now so why not just let it drop huh?158

McCoy seeing the wisdom of those words agrees. “So long as that nightmare isn’t bothering you Jim that's all I care about.”159

Kirk smiles at his friend. “So what are you going to allow me to do today Bones?” Kirk asks in his “I’ve got’em where I want’em voice. I have a lot of things to do today.”160

“Such as…” prompted McCoy. He was curious and wanted to know what Jim had on his mind.161

“Well I gotta talk with Starfleet…” Kirk frowns. “See what they want from me Other than my head on a chopping block that is.”162

Jim uncovers his legs and struggles to get to his feet. McCoy is instantly at his side waiting to see if Jim needed his help.163

“Gotta talk with Uhura and the others try to make them understand that I’m gonna take all the blame for this…” 164

McCoy is shaking his head negatively. Kirk though continues.165

“Listen Bones I don’t want their careers to suffer for what I have done.”166

“Jim you know they aren’t going to stand back and let Starfleet destroy you all alone. No! They will feel the same way that I do. We all entered into this situation with our eyes open. We knew what could happen and still we came. We won’t leave you to face the powers to be alone.”167

“But I can’t let them bones,” Kirk cries. “It could destroy their careers. Sulu, he’s up for a command of his own, Chekov he just got promoted…”168

“Jim,” McCoy quickly interrupts him. “Do you really think that their careers would mean more to them than a friends life. Do you really think so little of us?”169

“No… I… just.” Kirks eyes lowered in shame. “Oh hell Bones it just isn’t fair. Those people should be considered heroes not criminals.”170

“I know Jim,” McCoy replied patting his friend on the shoulder as the two walked towards the chair next to the window. Jim nearly stumbles but McCoy catches him and steadies his walk. Finally exhausted they reach the chair.171

“You know Jim,” McCoy says in his best southern accent. “You all could use a bath.”172

Kirk does not even have to think about that he just shrugs his shoulders and nods in agreement. “I guess I could at that.” Now that McCoy mentioned it, there was this strange odor…173

“There’s another good reason for taking a bath, Jim.” Teased McCoy.174

“Such as?” Jim was curious and was wondering what his friend was coming up with now.175

“It’ll take away some of the soreness of your muscles.” McCoy completely serious replies to his friend.176

“Well that will certainly be a welcome feeling,” replied Kirk getting to his feet slowly and walking towards the bathroom.177

“Hey need any help undressing?” asked McCoy from the bedroom.178

“Bones I am not a child.” Snaps Kirk from the bathroom door. “I think I can handle a simple thing like a bath all by myself, thank you very much.”179

“Touchy today aren’t we.” McCoy says safely to himself as he rummaged through some drawers to find Kirk some suitable clothing. They’d be a little long for him but they’d do until Kirk could get some made up for him.180

“I heard that Bones.” Kirks reply came from the bathroom. “Now get out of here so I can take my bath in peace.”181

Seconds later McCoy heard the water running in the tub.182

McCoy waits a few seconds then walks into the bathroom and stops at the doorway. He then begins to speak. “Jim?”183

“Yeah Bones.” Kirk replies sleepily.184

“I’m going to check on breakfast. Since you are up and feeling much better you can join Sarek, Amanda, and me for breakfast.”185

This did not sit well with Kirk. His voice no longer sounding sleepy he replies “Look Bones I’m not hungry.”186

“Maybe…” McCoy replies to his friend. “Maybe not… doesn’t matter. You could at least give Sarek and Amanda the common courtesy to join them for breakfast. Especially after all that they have done for us.”187

“Oh come on Bones. I am in no mood to sit with anyone let alone Spock’s parents.188

McCoy continues into the bathroom and looks his friend right in the eyes and calmly states “If you don’t come downstairs to eat breakfast with us then I’m gonna come up here and feed you myself….” McCoy pauses there and smiles evilly at his friend than continues, “Even if I have to do it with a needle. Try me Jim; you know I’ll do it.”189

Kirk pauses at McCoy’s threat. He knew McCoy meant every word that he had just said. He would do it too. And even though Kirk had not felt hungry in days, he gave in to his friend’s threat. “All right… All right I give. I’ll come downstairs but I won’t promise anything.”190

McCoy smiles to himself. “Good I’ll tell Sarek and Amanda to expect you in say… oh… twenty minutes.”191

Kirk nods. “All right now get out of here Bones so I can take my bath in peace.”192

McCoy chuckles to himself as he leaves the room.193

Once McCoy had left the room, Kirk began to clean himself. The bath really felt great. Kirk had not even realized just how good a bath would feel after so many days of not having the time or the energy to take one. T he warm mater felt so good to his achy muscles that he began to drift off into a light doze.194

Starting suddenly Kirk realized that he must have fallen asleep. His water was beginning to cool. He looked down at his hands and noticed that they were wrinkled like when one had been in the bath a very long time. “Oops,” Kirk said to himself. “Think I better get out and get dressed before McCoy comes in to get me.”195

Slowly Kirk stands up and is pleasantly surprised by how little pain he felt. “Good ole Bones” he thinks to himself happily. For the first time in days, Kirks life seemed to be going well.196

Stepping out of the tub Kirk reaches for a nearby towel and begins drying himself off. Then wrapping a towel around his middle he walks into the bedroom to get his clothes. He finds them where McCoy had left them, on the bed.197

Kirk picks up the shirt and looks it over. Civilian. A light blue. Not the overly showy type. Kirk hated that type. Yes, these would do for now.198

It only took Kirk a few minutes to get completely dressed. He then leaves his/Spock’s room to go downstairs.199

Walking slowly down the stairs he spots McCoy waiting for him at the bottom.200

“I was just coming up to tell ya that breakfast is ready.” Replied McCoy looking Kirk up and down and liking what he was seeing. “How was the bath?” He asked. 201

Kirk half smiles at his friend. “Better Bones and you were right a bath was just the thing to ease sore muscles.” He flexed his right shoulder. “I hardly hurt at all now.”202

“Good then you will concede to the fact that I may also be right about breakfast.” McCoy asked hopefully. He really did not want to fight with Kirk but then the man really did need to eat something.203

Kirk sighs. “I’m not really hungry Bones, really.” Kirk looked at his friend then quickly added a “But I’ll try and eat something if you’ll promise me to leave me a lone for a while.”204

McCoy smiles brightly. “Deal!” he takes his friends arm as he reaches the bottom of the stairs and leads him directly into the dining area.205

“You know Sarek and Amanda have really been looking forward to talking with you.” Stated McCoy trying to get Kirk talking when the silence had gone on for a while.206

Kirk stiffens visibly. “Talk to me. Why?” asked Kirk concerned.207

“Yeah well you know talk… something you haven’t been doing much of lately.” Replied McCoy sarcastically.208

“Don’t get smart on me Bones,” Kirk warned his friend sudden terror filling him. “What do they want to talk to me about anyway?” he asked.209

“Oh nothing special, Jim really just talk. They just thought that you could share some thoughts and memories of Spock. Say on the Enterprise, Shore leaves, stuff like.210

“Come on, Jim” McCoy takes Kirks arm urging him into the dinning room. “You may not be hungry but I’m starved.”211

Stepping into the dining area with McCoy Kirk could see that Sarek and Amanda were already seated at the table.212

“Sorry for keeping you waiting Ambassador, Mrs. Ambassador.” replies Kirk formally. “I was taking a much needed bath.” Kirk smiles but its pale compared to the others that had come before.213

“Think nothing of it Admiral we have just seated ourselves.” replies Sarek.214

“Please Ambassador call me Jim. After all that is what all my friends call me. Besides I probably won’t be an Admiral for much longer.”215

Sarek accepts Kirks offer of friendship with a slight tilt of his head. “James I believe that would be a waste of good resources and though I believe a lot of things about Starfleet that it would waste such a valuable commodity I do not believe it would do.”216

“Also, James as I am not working as an ambassador currently you may call me Sarek.”217

“Jim,” asks Amanda suddenly afraid for this hurting man. “You don’t believe that they will demote you do you?”218

“Mrs. Sarek…” Kirk begins.219

“Please Jim; we have known each other for years now call me Amanda.”220

Kirk nods. “Amanda I think I’ll be very lucky if Starfleet ‘just demotes me.’ It is more likely that I’ll be court-martialed and then sent to a prison planet somewhere.” No trace of bitterness was heard in Kirks voice only that of a resigned acceptance of a fate that he could not change.221

“Sarek,” Amanda cried in horror. “We cannot allow this terrible thing to happen to him.” Not after all that he has done for this family.” Amanda was very upset. “We must do something, if….”222

“Amanda, please” Kirk interrupts. “You have both already done enough just by giving me and the rest of my crew sanctuary.”223

The conversation pauses when a very pretty servant brings in breakfast. The Vulcan woman serves it then leaves all without having said one word. Complete silence falls over the group until finally McCoy breaks the silence.224

“Jim are you going to eat that egg or are you going to play with it all day?” asks McCoy sternly. “You know you have to eat something to get your strength back.”225

Kirk was about to reply to McCoy when Amanda asks “If the food is no to your taste Jim then I can have T’Lara bring you something else that is more to your taste.”226

Kirk flashes McCoy an “I’ll get you later” look then answers Amanda. “No, thank you that alright Amanda. I’m just not very hungry.”227

“The doctor is of course correct James. You do need to eat to regain your strength as well as to heal the wounds that you have received. My son would not want to see you as you are now.” Sarek had only meant that Spock would not want to see Kirk ill but then Kirk took the innocent comment in a very different way.228

Kirk stiffens at Sareks words. The truth that Kirk feared now out in the open.229

“Sarek, Kirk replies his voice heavy with the pain he felt deep in his heart. “I’m not at all sure that your son would be willing to see me in any condition.” Kirk then seemed to fight for control of his emotions. .230

Suddenly Kirk surprises everyone and stands.231

“If you’ll excuse me.,” he replies his voice breaking up. “I have seemed to have lost all the appetite that I might have had.” Kirk then shrugs and continues, “I think I’ll have a little walk in your lovely garden Amanda.”232

McCoy then starts to rise from his own chair “I think I’ll just go…”233

“Stay right where you are McCoy! Kirk nearly screams. Then stops, takes a deep breath to regain his control and continues, “I don’t need a babysitter.” He then turns abruptly and leaves the three very stunned individuals.234

Kirks anger abates as soon as he enters the lovely garden. He notices that there had been a lot of work done to make it quite suitable for humans.235

Kirk suddenly flashes back to a memory of Spock telling him about this same garden. That Amanda had gotten very homesick during her pregnancy and that it was unsafe for her to travel at that time. So his father had created this garden. A little bit of home is what Amanda had called it.236

Looking around Kirk notices that there are several benches spaced all around. He picks one that happens to be somewhat shaded and sits down. He then begins to think about his shameful behavior.237

Exactly how long he had sat there he is not exactly sure, when he suddenly begins to hear footsteps. Jim looks up and notices that a Vulcan is walking towards him. At first Kirk believes that it is Sarek coming to talk about his little fit at breakfast but then he notices that the walk is all wrong for Sarek. Yet, the walk looked very familiar. The way the arms were held, the tilt of the head, even covered. Yes, Kirk was sure he knew who this man was. It would come to him… just give him a minute. 238

Kirk thinks about who it could be as the figure moves even closer. Then it suddenly dawns on him who it is. It could not be anyone else. SPOCK.239

Kirk wanted desperately to run to his friend but was afraid. Afraid of rejection, of feeling more pain, of not knowing was this really, Spock… was it his Spock.240

Instead of reaching out to his friend, the frightened man just sat there slowing withdrawing more and more from reality. To be so close…241

However, the decision was not solely Kirks. Another was involved as well.242

“Jim.” a soft-spoken voice calls.243

“Hello Spock.” whispers Kirk head held down.244

“Jim please.” warm hands reach out and touch Jims chin rising his chin bringing hazel eyes level with brown ones. Both lock. Then Spock removes his hand from his friends chin.245

“I have missed you my friend.” Kirk says his eyes drinking in the sight of his Vulcan friend. The sadness of that quiet voice tears a gaping hole into his Vulcan friend’s heart.246

“As I have missed you, Th’y’la.” Spock states moving closer to his friend until he finally sits beside him on the bench.247

“I didn’t think that the healers would allow you to leave so soon Spock.”248

“They were unable to stop me once I had decided to come. I wish I could have come sooner but I needed time to think.” 249

“Yeah I have been doing a lot of thinking myself.” replied Kirk sounding hurt and confused.250

Spock reaches out to his friend “Jim do not fear that I will ever leave you again. You th’y’la are everything to me.”251

Kirk sighs in relief as all the tension he felt suddenly drains from his body. “Oh Spock!” he cries out in relief. “It really is you.” “I was so worried. Worried that you weren’t the same now. That you wouldn’t want to ever see me again.”252

Spock raises an eyebrow in puzzlement states “Jim you have never given me a reason to not ‘want to see you’ again.”253

Kirk lowers his head in shame. He whispers in a very soft voice. So softly spoken that Spock even with his superior Vulcan hearing had trouble understanding what was said. “I never want to go through this ever again. I never want to be the one left behind. Promise me that Spock.” Kirk reaches up. “Promise me Spock, that the next time we will go together… anything so long as I won’t be left here alone.” Tears well up in Kirks eyes then begin to flow freely down his hallowed checks.254

Spock touches those tears and once again wonders how something so small as a tear could express so many different emotions. Pain, sorrow, anger, hate, love. All expressed through this one small offering.255

Spock shakes his head in reply to Kirks question then notices that Jim doesn’t seem to see his answer so he speaks. His voice cracking with his own unexpressed emotions. “We shall be together always Jim. I promise you this. Never again shall we be parted.” Spock takes Kirks hand in his own sealing his promise.256

Kirk raises his head and a smile comes to his face. It was good to be with Spock again.257

“Jim.” Spock replies seeing that his friend is now in a calmer frame of mind. “We must talk. I shall want to go to Earth with you.”258

Kirk startled can think of nothing to say for several minutes. Then having found his voice he replies. “But why Spock? Starfleet won’t want to talk to you. Why ruin your own life, career by coming back just now. Why not wait…”259

“Jim” Spock interrupts in friend. “I would be with you in this.” Spocks voice said he would have no argument in this.260

“Okay Spock then just give me one good reason why I should go back. It’s not like I have a ship to go back to, nor a career, or even a son. Hell I don’t even a wife. What do I have to look forward to if I go back now? A court-martial. Being demoted. Hell being sent to a prison planet. Shhh what a thing to look forward to. Kirks sarcasm did not go unnoticed by the Vulcan.261

“It is not like you to give up so easily Jim.” Spock moves closer to his friend trying to give him comfort. “Besides Starfleet may not be as ‘upset’ with you as you may believe.”262

“Yeah and exactly who have you been talking too?” Kirk wanted to know angrily. “I happen to know that Admiral Morrow has already asked for my return to Earth. And that he isn’t a happy Admiral. Nope not a happy Admiral at all.”263

“I would be with you in this Jim.” Spock repeats his pledge in his most stern voice.264

Jim knew that voice. When Spock used it he usually got his way… whether Kirk wanted him to or not.265

“Why Spock just tell me why. You aren’t involved in all of this. Why bother yourself at all. Starfleet doesn’t even have any charges against you. And they won’t. I’ve seen to that. All they want is me. I’m to blame for all this.”266

“That’s not true Jim.” Spock replies as angry as Jim had ever seen him. He grabs Kirks arm turning him to face him.267

“It is true and you know it Spock.” Kirk roughly pulls his arm away from his friend. “Hell I was even at fault for your… your… death.” The word death seemed to stick in Kirks throat. “If only I had gone back to check on Khan. If only I had put my shields up in time… if only I had stopped David from going back to work on Genesis’. If only I…. Kirk closes his eyes shuttering slightly. His arms encircle his chest.268

“Jim!” Spock cries pulling Kirk to him. “You are not at fault for any of those things. You could not have known that any of that was going to happen.”269

“It doesn’t matter now Spock. None of it matters now.”270

Spock shakes Jim roughly trying to get what he was trying to say through the stubbornness that was his friend. “Jim you matter! You matter greatly to me!”271

Kirk just shakes his head negatively. “I’m glad that you feel that way. Really I am. However please don’t let your feelings for me destroy your career. I am not worth it!”272

Spock touches Kirks face gently. He traces the tear stains that cover his face. “I left you once my friend. I shall not do so again!” It was a promise that a very determined Spock was going to keep.273

Kirk sighs in resignation. “If that is what you really want Spock.”274

“It is Jim.” 275

Kirk seeing that he is defeated smiles at Spock. “You know Bones and your parents are in the house.” Kirk tilts his head in the general direction of the house. “I’m sure that they would be glad to see you besides Kirk pauses to wipe sweat from his brow. I’m about to fry out here.” 276

Spock frowns. “I did not come to see either my parents or Dr. McCoy. However, Spock adds quickly I see no reason not to visit them since I am already here.”277

Kirk nods his acceptance and Spock stands holding out a hand to help his friend up from his seat. It is then that the Vulcan notices how thin the human looks. He also notices several bruises covering the human head to foot.278

“Jim? You are harmed?” Spock asks concern for his friend filling him. “No one has informed me of this. “Were you injured on Genesis?”279

Kirk quickly interrupts his friend before much more was said. “No, Spock I am not hurt.” He looks at the Vulcan’s face sees the disbelief upon those much beloved features and continues. “Honest Spock I’m fine. Just a little sore that’s all.”280

“Did these injuries occur on Genesis?” The Vulcan repeats.281

Kirk shifts restlessly. “Well yeah I guess you could say that they did Spock.” Kirk really didn’t want to speak about Genesis just yet. It was possible that he never would be ready. He silently prayed that the Vulcan would ask any more questions about the planet.282

“I see…” 283

Kirk shrugs which was a mistake. A gasp of pain comes to his lips. He’d gotten stiff while he had been sitting there. “Let’s go in now Spock. I think I have had enough sun for today.”284

“You do seem to be turning overly red.” Spock replies trying to lighten the mood a little. “We should go in before it becomes to painful for you.”285

Jim chuckles. “Red huh?”286

Spock nods.287

Jim brings his hands up to his face. He could feel the warmth of sunburn through his finger tips. “Oh well I guess I just have to get something from bones for it.”288

The two friends walk in silence for several minutes. It was an easy silence. A silence that alone showed just how the two felt comfortable with one another. Both knew that at times silence could speak louder than words.289

Suddenly Spock stops his friends walk by placing a warm hand upon this shoulder. “Jim” he asks.290

The human turns to face his friend puzzlement in his eyes.291

“I would ask you a question but I fear that it will be upsetting for you. But I truly need to know the answer.”292

Kirk takes Spocks hand within his own. “Spock you know that you can ask me any questions no matter how personal.” Kirk shrugs. “Hell after all these years there is really very little about each other that we don’t already know.”293

Spock nods his understanding. “I would know what happened on Genesis.” Spock spoke the words quickly and stepped back to see what the reaction his words had on his hurting friend.294

The emotions of pain, shock, anger, and sadness warred within the human. Finally, pain seemed to win out. “You’ve talked to McCoy!” Kirk screamed. “He… He…” Kirk shutters. “He got you to ask about Genesis didn’t he?”295

Spock was startled by the intensity of the human’s anger. Pain and sadness he could have understood but anger?296

“Jim.” Spock tries to defend himself. “I have talked with no one about this.”297

Kirk gives the Vulcan a look of ‘I just bet you didn’t.’298

“Dr. McCoy need never know that I have spoken to you about this. It will only be between the two of us.” Spock moves closer to his friend. “I would know what you have gone through to save my life.” Spock touches his friends shoulder lightly. “It is my right to know these things.”299

Kirk lowers his head in shame. “Spock I’m sorry about my outburst. Really I am. It’s just that I can’t talk about Genesis right now. It’s to close. To personal.”300

Spock had expected this answer but he didn’t let it stop him. He had his argument ready. “As you have stated before many times we have been through many things in the past. Things that are both painful and embarrassing, this is only another of those times that we must share, Jim.”301

Jim nods fully understanding what Spock was saying. “I haven’t told anyone about Genesis Spock. Not even Bones.”302

Until now Spock hadn’t been aware of that.303

“Is there some reason why you could not speak to the Doctor about this?” asked Spock curious.304

Kirk shrugs. “Oh he kept asking me to tell him about it but I just couldn’t…” Kirk shrugs again.305

“You didn’t wish to burden him with all that had happened to you.” Finished Spock for him.306

“Well yeah, I guess so. He’s been through a lot you know, what with the refusion and all. He doesn’t need the extra burden of worrying about me too.”307

“Will you share your experience with me Jim?” asked Spock once again.308

“Share Spock, not tell?” Spock was usually very exact with what he was saying… “I don’t understand…”309

“I would share this experience with you.” Spock places a warm hand on Jims face in the area of the meld points. “I would meld with thee.” His words in a near whisper. “We could then share your memories of the Genesis planet.”310

“Spock are you truly strong enough for a mind meld so soon after your refusion?” Kirk was more worried about his friend than himself.311

“Jim” Spock replies calmly. “The refusion was a complete success. I not only have all my memories from the past” Spock pauses for affect. “I also have all my mental powers as well. A mind meld will not harm me in any way.”312

“Do you really want to know what happened Spock?” Jim asks somberly. “What you will see won’t be exactly pretty.” Jim turns his back to this friend. “I don’t want you to hate me for what you will see. I couldn’t take it if you hated me Spock!” Tears once again threaten to spill from his eyes.313

“Jim what you did was necessary” Spock moved even closer to his friend. “I could never hate you for doing something that was necessary. You saved lives on Genesis by doing just that… what was necessary.”314

“I also took many lives Spock!”315

“Indeed but that was the choice of the Klingons.” Spock puts his hands once again on Jim’s shoulders. “Had the Klingons made another choice then they would still be alive today.”316

“What about David..?” Kirk sighs deeply pain showing visibly on his face. “He died too Spock.” Complete silence for several minutes occurs before Kirk continues “You would know this Spock since it happened after you… after you died. But you see I told David to go back to Genesis.” Jim bows his head in the memory of the conversation that he had with his son. “If I hadn’t told him to go he’d still be alive.”317

“Forgive me Jim but I very much doubt that. Your son was very much like you.” Spock states knowingly. “If he had truly wanted to go to Genesis neither you nor anyone else could have stopped him.”318

“You really think so Spock?” Kirk asks his eyes pleading to make is so.319

“Yes, I do!”320

Such as simple statement yet it had meant so much to Kirk. Perhaps he was even blaming himself for things that were beyond his control. But it was so hard not to after all he was the Admiral. He was suppose to be in control at all times.321

“Alright Spock. Maybe you are right. Maybe you are wrong. Doesn’t change anything really.”322

“Then we shall have to work on that together then.”323

Spock suddenly looks up, tilts his head slightly as if listening to something in the distance.324

“What is it Spock? Kirk asks suddenly curious.325

“We are about to have company and by the way he is mumbling I would say it is Dr. McCoy.”326

“Oh!” replies Kirk. “He’s probably pretty worried about me. I sort a made a scene at breakfast.” Jim suddenly looked very ashamed of himself. “I think I owe your parents an apology.”327

The doctor looked very worried until he saw Spock. His first reaction was one of anger. Then one of relief. The two emotions warred for several minutes with relief winning.328

“So this is what has kept you out in the heat of the Vulcan sun for all this time.” McCoy replies cheerfully to Kirk. The turning to look at Spock he states “It sure is good to see you Spock!”329

“It is good to be here Doctor.”330

“Jim” McCoy begins as he looks away from the Vulcan. “I think you should go in now after all you aren’t as strong as you pretend to be.”331

Jim shrugs and looks at the Vulcan.332

Spock nods his agreement.333

Kirk then takes the arms of his two closest friends and they all re-enter the house together.334

Once inside the house the three friends come face to face with Sarek and Amanda. The sudden silence they are faced with is painful. No one makes a move to break the silence until a very loud growl is heard.335

A very embarrassed James Kirk looks up. “Looks like my stomach is trying to tell me something here.” 336

“Indeed.” Could be heard coming from both Vulcan’s. This stuck the humans as being very funny and they burst out in laughter. This helped get rid of all the tension in the room.337

“Father… mother. It is good to see you both again.338

Once again a loud growl can be heard.339

“Personally, I think we had better do something about that.” Replied McCoy chuckling. “It sounds deadly from here.” Finally unable to control himself any longer he burst out into laughter.340

Kirk couldn’t help but laugh as well.341

In-between fits of laughter Kirk gets out “yeah I guess it does doesn’t it.” He then wipes at his eyes which are full of tears. Finally he gets himself under some control and excuses himself to go find something to eat.342

“I think I’ll go see if he needs any help.” McCoy says excusing himself as well.343

“Your friends are very resourceful Spock.” Replies Sarek.344

“Indeed they are father.”345

“My son, it is very good to see you well again.” Replied father to son. “You mother has missed you.”346

“As I have missed her father.”347

Amanda just smiles at them both.348

“Have the healers released you Spock or did you leave on your own accord?” Asked Sarek already fairly sure of the answer but also knowing that it was his duty to ask the question.349

“I have no more need of the healers’ father.” Replied Spock in a matter of fact tone. “They have done all that they can for me. The rest is up to me.”350

“Oh Spock are you sure you should have left the healers so soon?”351

Spock moving closer to his mother replied in a gentle voice. “I am quite sure.”352

“Yet there is something that you do need isn’t there.” Asked Sarek.353

Spock turns to his father in what could be considered open defiance for him. “Yes, father there is.” Spocks tone challenged his father to ask further into his personal life and pay a price for it.354

“Your friend James Kirk has something to do with this choice does he not Spock? Asks Sarek.355

“Father this is my personal life we are discussing.”356

“I realize that Spock but as your father…”357

“My father you may be Sarek but that does not allow you to delve into my personal affairs. Whatever does or does not occur between James Kirk and myself is personal and of no ones business save our own. Do I make myself clear in this matter?”358

“I understand my son… and I…” Sarek pauses to let this sink in “approve.”359

“Approve?” Spock was speechless for several moments. Sarek approved of any relationship that he and Jim might have. This was definitely a shock.360

“I believe you heard me correctly.”361

“As do I spock.” Spoke up his mother. “You see we have been very worried about you for so long… You not having a mate and… well you know Spock. But with Jim and you being together… well I for one can quit worrying now.”362

“Mother please.” Spock pleads. He was feeling very uncomfortable with where the direction of this conversation was leading.363

“Does Jim Know?” asks Amanda ignoring her sons’ pleas. “What am I saying of course he knows.” Amanda touches Spock arm gently. “Spock when I first saw Jim I thought to myself that is a man who has lost the other half of his Soul. Little did I realize until now how right I was. Seeing the two of you together here tonight I didn’t see that. What I saw was a man who belonged. He belongs with you.”364

“Mother please,” pleads Spock once more.365

“Well he most certainly does.” Replied Amanda looking smugly at her husband for a reply.366

“Amanda this is Spock’s as well as James’ decision to make.” Sarek then reaches for his wife’s arm. “It is a decision that we cannot make for them.”367

“I know dear, but we can get them started in the right direction.”368

Sareks brow climbs as he turns from his wife to his son. “Spock my son, whatever your decision may be concerning this topic know this that your parents will honor it.”369

A lump catches in Spock’s throat and only after several moments is he able to nod his head and reply “Thank you father… mother.”370

Then as if to break the silence that had befallen the three a loud voice could be heard from the other room. The voice was none other than an angry Dr. McCoy. The family goes to see what is upsetting their guest.371

“…. Damn it Jim I just don’t understand why you are keeping this such a secret.” An angry Dr. McCoy was pacing around a sitting James Kirk. His frustrations clearly showing on his face. “All I want to know is what happened down there.” He stopped pacing and looked his friend in the eye and asked “Don’t I rate being told about it?”372

“You know that isn’t it Bones.” replied Kirk hurt that his friend would think such a thing of him. “You don’t need to know what happened down there, that’s all.”373

“Damn it Jim that’s not the reason you are not talking and you know it.” “Now you have to talk to someone” McCoy pauses a few seconds then continues along a totally different line of thought. “Unless that you have already talked with someone… It’s Spock isn’t it. You’ve talked with Spock… and …. and” McCoy grew flustered and could continue on with what he was saying.”374

“BONES” Jim got up from his chair and went to comfort his hurting friend. “what makes you think that I have talked with anyone let alone Spock. I haven’t told anyone about Genesis . Not you… not Spock… not anyone. And I don’t know if I ever will.”375

McCoy gives Kirk a look of doubt but it is stopped when he see’s that Spock has entered the room with his parents.376

“Ah uh Spock!?! How long have ya been standing there?” asking McCoy suddenly feeling very embarrassed.377

“Long enough to overhear the last part of your conversation doctor.” Spock pauses to let that sink in then he continues on. “I can assure you however, doctor that Jim has not spoken to me about Genesis.378

“He hasn’t ?” replied McCoy startled that Jim was really telling him the truth and not just trying to sooth a friends hurting feelings.379

“No I have not.” replied a forgotten James Kirk.380

“Oh” was all that McCoy could say at that moment.381

“Bones, Spock, Genesis is over and done with. No one need ever know what happened there. It’s best forgotten.”382

“Indeed” Spock replies. “So long as it is you, my friend, who can forget what happened there.”383

Jim chuckles. Both McCoy and Spock turn to each other a little puzzled by that reaction. “Oh I am sorry,” Jim states as he realizes just how rude he was being. “But I can’t seem to help myself. I just realized that this is the first time in years that the two of you have agreed on anything.”384

McCoy chuckles at that. “You just had to mention that didn’t you Jim.”385

Jim smiles broadly. “Yup.”386

Spock just stands there with his hands behind his back looking mildly amused at his two friends behavior.387

Kirk then turns to his two hosts as he had just realized that they too were standing in the room just behind Spock. “Sorry if I disturbed your talk with Spock.”388

“There is no reason for you to apologize Jim” replied Amanda. “We were nearly finished with our discussion anyway.” She smiles broadly at Jim and then turns to her son.389

Spock turns from looking at his mother and was about to ask Jim a question when Kirk beats him to it and begins talking…390

“You know I’m tired. I think that I’ll go up to my room and take a nap.”391

“Oh no you don’t, Jim. Not this time.” McCoy was determined to get what he wanted.392

“look McCoy I’m not going to talk with you about Genesis not now not ever so you can just quit asking right now.” Jim turns from his two stunned friends, and hosts, and leaves the room without another word said.393

Spock was stunned. Never before had he heard his friend treat Doctor McCoy in such a manner. For several minutes he does nothing, then having made up his mind he nods to his parents, says good night to Doctor McCoy and follows Jim up to his room. Whatever was troubling his friend about Genesis would be talked about vowed Spock. He could no longer let his friend be in pain. He must help him if he could.394

Spock hesitates at Jim’s door. Was this really a good idea. Should he leave? Indecision bordered on panic. He reaches out to knock on Jims door and notices that his hand is shaking. He pulls it back and tries to calm himself. He then tries again.395

He reaches towards the door and it opens before he can knock.396

“I knew you would come.” states a very tired looking James Kirk.397

“You did?” replied a startled Spock. He was curious as to how Kirk knew he would be here when Spock himself wasn’t sure he was coming to the room.398

“Yeah I did.” replied Jim. “I’m glad that you are here Spock.” he waves his friend to come inside his room and closes the door giving them some privacy.399

“You are?” asked Spock still suffering from shock.400

Jim smiles at his friend. “Do you realize that you haven’t spoken a full sentence since I opened that door a full thirty seconds ago, Spock?” stated Kirk teasing his Vulcan friend.401

“I haven’t?” asked Spock then realizing, that this to wasn’t a full sentence continued on. “No I guess I haven’t, Jim. You startled me that is all.”402

“Startled?” asked Jim puzzled then realizing that Spock talking about the way he stormed out of the room downstairs, He felt he should explain. “I had to do something to us along didn’t I? I mean Bones wasn’t about to leave me alone about Genesis and well I wanted us to finish our talk.”403

“I see.” said Spock with much relief.404

“I’ll apologize to Bones later.” 405

Suddenly neither of the two men knew what to say to the other. An awkward silence falls between them. Minutes go by without a word by either man. Finally unable to take the silence any longer James Kirk speaks. “Spock I’m not certain this mind meld is really a good idea.”406

“Jim you must share your experience with someone why not me? asks Spock. “We have shared many painful things in the past, this need only be another.”Spock states this looking up at his friend.407

Maybe Spock,” replies Kirk now very unsure of himself. “but Spock how will this affect our relationship? Asks Kirk suddenly very afraid. What you will see in my mind isn’t very pretty. It’s going to be disturbing to say the least, and I… I… Oh Hell Spock I don’t want you to hate me for what you see in my mind.” All the emotions that Kirk had been surprising these past weeks were very near the surface. He was feeling very vulnerable.408

“Jim!” Spock exclaims as he reaches out to comfort his friend. “No matter what happened on Genesis I could never hate you.” He pulls the upset Human closer to him and begins to stroke his golden hair for comfort. “Him” Spock says softly. “You fear that I would hate you yet in your heart you know that I never could.”409

Jim looks up at Spock pulling away a little so he could see his friends eyes. Tears were gently falling from his face as he asks “you… You won’t ever hate me?”410

To Spock he sounded just like a child asking a question that’s answer seemed impossible. “No Jim I will not hate you.” replied Spock never taking his eyes from his friends tear swollen face.411

Looking very vulnerable to Spock Kirk replies “I have trusted you before my friend and I am about to d so again.” He sighs in sudden relief. “I’m gonna trust you to keep your promise not to hate me.”412

“Jim…I”413

But Jim interrupts what Spock was about to say by placing a finger across his lips. “No more talk Spock. Just do it.” He says with a finality to his voice.414

Spock nods his understanding and brings his hands u into the meld position. He looks again to his friend for permission.415

Kirk nods.416

Spock then places his hands in position and initiates the meld.417

The familiar mind is greatly changed from Spock had known it to be. The present pain far overshadowed everything else of the man Spock admired so. Spock could see that Jim was fighting a losing battle. An important battle. A battle, if lost would cost him his santity… if not his life.418

//Spock?//419

//I am here Jim.//420

//Where do we go from here? asks the disturbed man.//421

//Show me Genesis Jim//422

//Are you sure Spock?//423

//We have been through this before Jim.//424

//So we have Spock. Beware… you won’t like what you see.//425

Jim imagines himself on the Genesis Planet. He is standing over the body of David Marcus. He then takes his jacket off and places it over his sons face and shoulders. Pain radiates through the link.426

//This is grief Jim. It is painful but you have lived with this before. This you can handle. It only takes time.//427

//I know Spock.//428

//Please continue Jim.//429

The next scene is Jim looking up at the Enterprise as she explodes into a million pieces. Anger and pain that such a faithful ship had to die like that. That Jim himself was forced to go on living without her.430

//The ship did what was required of her Jim. As did you.//431

//I’ve destroyed everything that has ever been important to me.//432

//You saved the life of six of your friends where only death was thought possible.//433

//sigh.//434

//Please continue Jim.//435

The next scene is Kirk talking into a Klingon communicator. He trying to get Commander Kruge to beam Kirk and friends up to the klingon vessel. Instead Kruge beams down to them taking his friends by surprise. First he orders everyone away from Kirk, all save Spock that is. Kruge calls Maltz and orders him to beam the rest of the humans on board the vessel. Kirk moves and Kruge raises his weapon threatening Kirk.436

“You should take the Vulcan,” replies Kirk.437

Kruge refuses to do so.438

Kirk asks “why not.”439

Kruge replies “because you wish it.”440

Shames fills the link.441

//Why do you feel shame Jim?” asks Spock.//442

//I nearly caused your death by letting Kruge know that you … are special to me.” replied Kirk shyly.//443

//You have no reason for feeling shame James Kirk. I am honored that you care for me. Had I died on Genesis then surely you would have died and I.. I would not of wished that.//444

//I know Spock but still kruge sensed that you’re special to me and he sought to use that against me.//445

//Yet he could not.//446

Kirk thinks about that for a few minutes then replies //He never really got the chance.//447

//What happened next Jim?//448

McCoy, Scotty, Chekov, and Sulu were all beamed aboard the klingon vessel.449

Kruge moves toward Kirk looking very threatening and violent. “I want Genesis.” he demands of Kirk. “Now!”450

“Beam the Vulcan up!” demands Kirk. “Then we will talk about Genesis.”451

“Give me what I want and I’ll consider your request.” replied Kruge.452

You fool.” yells Kirk. “look around you, the planet is destroying itself.”453

Kruge smiles. An evil looking smile. It scares James Kirk to his very bones.454

“Exciting isn’t it.” replies Kruge.455

Kirk just stands there for several minutes not knowing what to say. Then he regains his composure and replies. “If we don’t help each other then we all die.”456

“Perfect.” replied Kruge triumphantly. “Then that is the way it shall be. Now give me Genesis.”457

The words struck James Kirk like a physical blow.458

Then as if in reply to Kruge the planet erupted in violence. The ground heaves and pitches throwing Kruge off balance causing him to lose his phaser.459

Seeing that Kruge had indeed lost his phaser Kirk lunges forward attacking his tormentor. The breath leaving him as he hit a brick wall that called itself Kruge.460

Kruge roars in anger and hits Kirk several vicious blows in the ribs with his fists.461

Kirk falls very hard but manages to get back to his feet rather quickly considering how much his ribs were hurting. But he knew that this was one fight that he couldn’t afford to lose. Spock’s life depended on it.462

Kruge had finally spotted where the phaser had landed and headed that way only to have Kirk tackle him in the knees.463

Both men fall hard. Kruge half staggers to his feet before he realizes that Kirk has gotten to his feet first. Kirk had the advantage and he knew it and used it. Hitting at Kruge he managed to keep the stronger man off balance and still do some damage.464

Kirk’s knuckles were raw from where he’d been hitting Kruge. Pain shot through him every time he punched the man yet Kirk knew to stop would mean his and Spock’s death.465

Anger was making Kruge miss his swings at the human.466

Kirk hit the Klingon once more as the planet once again erupted sending the Klingon over a small cliff and onto another smaller ledge.467

Kirk looks down at Kruge and Kruge laughs at Kirk.468

Now a very angry Kirk lunges at the Klingon. Kruge ready for him catches the human in mid-air and sends the smaller man crashing into the solid rock wall. As he does so he brings his fist up to connect with the humans chest dazing him. Kirk nearly slides off the cliff and into the magma below.469

Kruge now stands at the edge of the cliff watching Kirk struggle to his feet. He was waiting for Kirk to regain enough of his strength to again be a worthy opponent.470

All the while the magma below was slowly eating away at the base of the cliff that two men were standing on. Finally the rock began to give way. James Kirk retreated to safety but Kruge stayed at the edge seemingly enjoying the danger he was in.471

“Damn you… jump! You’ll be killed.” replied Kirk angrily.472

Kruge smiles. Then at the last minute he jumps to safety. But he had waited an instant to long. Instead of landing safely next to Kirk he now hung by his hands at the edge of the cliff. Looking up at Kirk angrily.473

No Kirk really did have the advantage. Kirk then says to Kruge “you will now beam us all to the safety of your ship.”474

Kruge says something that Kirk didn’t quite hear. Yet Kirk was sure it wasn’t the answer he was looking for.475

Kruge was slipping.476

“Don’t be a fool.” Kirk replied to the Klingon. “Give me your hand and live.”477

Kruge lunges for Kirk who just barely pulled back in time. The klingons hands had for a second been around Kirks throat but then they had slipped away.478

Kruge once again began slipping but with superhuman strength and will he lunged once again this time connecting with Kirks ankles. Kruges weight begins to pull both men over the edge of the cliff.479

James Kirk finding himself slowly moving forward toward the edge of the cliff had a quick decision to make. Either the klingon and Kirk was going over the edge or just the klingon went over the edge. Kirk chose to live. Digging his finger nails into the basalt he slowed his forward movement. Finger nails ripped shooting pain through his hands.480

Over the cliff Kirk could hear Kruge laughing in what must have been madness.481

Finally knowing what had to be done Kirk yells at the mad klingon commander. “I have – had - enough - of you!” James Kirk then kicks out angrily at the man. Again and again Kirk kicks out at the man until finally Kirk feels him lossen his hld upon his ankle. Finally the hold was broken and the mad klingon fell to his death among the rock and magma flowing down below.482

The cliff then began to shake once again. This time breaking up. Kirk had two choices… stay where he was and condemn him and Spock to certain death…. or move and maybe just maybe survive. He chose to live.483

Reaching what was once solid ground he found it was no longer solid. It shook and broke up as the cliff he had just been standing on had. Jim was thrown to the groud several times by the moving earth and explosions that were going on around him. But he kept going on. The only thing on his mind was reaching Spock and Maybe dying at least together this time. Once he’d reached Spock he turned him over and checking to see if his friend was still alive. A low moan confirmed that he was alive.484

Then something silver caught the corner of his eye. He looked again. “yes, it was, Kruge had lost his communicator in the fight. Kirk went to pick it up and walked back to Spock. Holding his friend closely to him he spoke into the communicator the last words he’d heard Kruge speak into it.485

Seconds later a familiar sensation took Kirk and Spock away from the doomed planet.486

Kirk and Spock arrived on the Klingon vessel only to find that their friends were in control of the ship. Kirk orders McCoy to take care of Spock. Then he turns to Scotty and Sulu who are trying to find out how to make the klingon vessel move away from the planet.487

Kirk then notices the lone Klingon survivor and tells him “Help us or die.”488

The Klingon true to his races natures states “I do not deserve to live. Kill me.”489

Kirk, tired of all the killing replies “I’ll kill you later.”490

Kirk then turns to Scotty and Sulu stating as calmly as he is able to under such mounting pressures. “will one of you please get this ship moving. That planet is about to explode.”491

“Aye Sire,” replies Scotty as he pushes a button. He silently prays that it is the one that they were looking for. It was and the ship goes into warp and moves safely away from the dying Genesis planet.492

The planet then explodes into a million pieces.493

The link falls silent for a few minutes. Spock could feel that his friend was growing weaker with every passing minute. Growing concerned that he had allowed the meld to last to long for his friend he again speaks. //Jim?//494

The link was still silent.495

Fearing the worse Spock once again called out to his friend only this time in a much louder mental cry. //JIM!//496

//I am here Spock//replies his very tired sounding friend.497

//The meld has been very taxing for you. I think it should be ended.//498

//But we haven’t discussed everything yet.//499