Run Like Lightning


 The night was shadowed by the moon as I walked down the street. With a swollen cherry face I head back to the hell from hence I came. I'm a 15 year old girl with black hair that reaches my back. I have icy blue eyes that get duller each day. My life is what you would call... well not perfect.. Don't get me wrong.. I have an amazing mother and amazing friends. The problem lies with "daddy dearest" Mike... Well it started after the good times...

 1


My lips curve a smile as I sees the sun lite smile on Mothers beautiful,
peachy skin. Tears of happiness fall as the couple makes there "I dos" beside the colorful glossy windows of the church. "This is the best day in my life", both thought in unison.

 2

3

"You may kiss the bride", said father Thomas.

 4


 That is when life fell into the shadowed darkness called home.

 5


 "So much has happened since then!" Lizzy sobbed.

 6


Crash!

 7

 8

I watches in horror as Mike knocked Mother to the cold, hard ground.9

 10


"You think you can do whatever you want bitch?! I am in control! You obey me. I can kill your fucking ass if I wanted to!" he screamed.

 11


 12


"Stop!", sobs Lizzy.

 13


Mike slowly walked towards me. Soon I could smell the beer on his breath.  There he stared into my soul for several moments. I lay there frozen and scared.

 14


Then suddenly, I feel a hard hit on my head. My world slowly fades into darkness.

 15


I wake up in my average size bedroom. As I get out of bed I rub my head, remembering everything that happened the night before. As i get closer to the mirror bruises slowly appear to my swollen eyes.

 16


Then I remembered mom! I ran downstairs to find her beaten body making coffee. Slowly a storm started to form over my face.

 17


Out of no where I ran as fast as lighting to my neighborhood park, the place where I think... There I sat on the red swings for hours contemplating what to do. How to save me and mom from this horror. After, I started to head back.

 18


 Now I am here, heading back to hell, I have no clue what I'm going to do when I get there. I walk slowly towards the white house in misery.Closer and closer I get to the doors with uncertainty in my mind.

 19


 "Oh honey I'm so sorry!" Mom says as she runs our the door, red faced, swollen. She wraps her warm secure arms around me. Then again out of nowhere we both run to the car.

 20


 We get in the car and head to the police station where we would be safe. There we report everything and show evidence. It took hours but soon I finally got to see the man I hated in hand cuffs. I then again cry in tears but for the first time in a long while, tears of happiness.

 21

Author notes

Fight wife and child abuse! If you just stand up and tell someone it will end! Just stand up and be strong! I usually write poetry so I don't know if this was any good or not. I had fun writing it tho and I guess thats all that counts...

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • gratekut
    July 14

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    Too many empty lines between the text! Sometimes it's more empty lines as text, sorry, but that's in my eyes no story!


  • DarkOneShadow
    August 19, 2008

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    Wow... simple yet powerful. The imagery that you used was real and graphic, making the audience feel the impact of what was happening. Great job.

    DarkOne


  • Much-Dipstick
    August 17, 2008

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    I can't believe it! I forgot to give you applause!!!! Oopsies! Well, here you go! !

  • Much-Dipstick
    August 17, 2008
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    Beautiful... Very well written, and superbly done. Nice clever narration, with the italics. And you're right, the fun is all of it! But you got a strong message across here, showing the horrific side without too much detail, and showing how to help. I think it's the fear element that stops most people from taking action. But you took a difficult subject and wrote about it beautifully and strongly. I loved the wedding scene.. it fitted amazingly. Great job! Sorry it took so long to return your read to 'waking up to you', I've been busy. But this was superb, and went stright to the point, which really helped get the message across! Amazing!


  • RegalTheft
    August 13, 2008

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    Justice!

    Personally, I simply hate the sight of a man senselessly beating women. The problem is, so many people have to put up with it. You certainly made the plot of the story clear, and I'm glad you had fun writing it.

    I would have liked the story to be extended a bit, because I know there's a lot more good stuff you can get out of this. From what I can see, there's no punctuation or grammar mistakes (that's what I usually look for in a short story).

    Keep working those fingers.

    --RT


  • SilentStar08
    August 13, 2008

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    this is really good. I could feel basically every word come to life as i read it. Because sadly this stuff does actually happen and it needs to be spoken about and stopped. It was very good and i can't wait to read more of wat you write.


  • Poisonous Love
    August 12, 2008

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    Wow, I really liked it but the dad made me want to scream my head off...which is good because it means you made your point!


    • Dont Look Down
      August 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol I know what you mean. Every time I read this I hate him more and more.


  • Melissa Loves Jeffy
    August 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. I know what the fear is like believe me. Its not a fun thing to feel... You did a great job. Well done.


    • Dont Look Down
      August 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment and I'm sorry that you do know what this kind of fear is like. I truly am.

      Sabrina


  • tallblondie gold member
    August 11, 2008

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    Powerful piece. However, the switch in point of view and tenses throughout detracted from the effectness of the piece. As a general rule, once a story is started in a point of view or tense (for instance, this is started in first person point of view, present tense), it should be sustained through the piece until the end. I found the sudden switches disconcerting and made the flow of this piece halting and awkward. I suggest that you edit the story and chose one tense and one point of view to carry through the story.

    Overall, an interesting story. If you need a hand with implementing some of the suggestions, please feel free to IM me.

    Keep writing and welcome to Storywrite!

1 - 12 of 12