Stop A Bullet - Chapter Eight

Stop A Bullet1

Chapter Eight2

“Rape?” Ashley asked, his mouth gaping wide.3

I nodded, tilting my head to the side.4

It was not as if I did not believe it myself, I knew what had happened and I was slowly beginning to accept that was who he was. But there was something about the way that Ashley had said it that made it seem more real, more intense and it had pushed the dagger that was in my heart just a few inches more making it hard for me to want to continue.5

“God, as if Maggie wasn't enough Now Tanya?” Ashley stated his fingers rubbing my shoulder soothingly, his mouth beginning to close.6

I could see it in his eyes that he was just as surprised as I was. I had told him earlier on in our friendship what Trey had done to Maggie and to my dismay Ashley had become distraught and overly sympathetic and now as the revelations were about to unfold I could feel his spirit being lowered once again, his heart sinking inside his chest as he too became almost speechless, his moth closed as he took in the words that I had just said.7

A few minutes passed, I could feel his body sinking into the chair as his eyes darted around the room, his hand covering his mouth. I knew he wanted to say something, and inside I begged for him to question me, yet at the same time the silence was almost soothing. It was peaceful and I did not mind just sitting in the warmth of his bedroom, his fingers doing the talking as the tension in my shoulders was eased.8

“Why,” Ashley asked, his eyes fixated on mine once again.9

“Why not? Does Trey ever have to have a reason for anything he does? No, he is a carnally, corrupt , freak of nature “I answered closing my eyes once again. The memories flooding into my mind quickly. 10

Was this how it was going to be? Every time I closed my eyes would I be reminded of Trey's cruel actions?11

“I could think of a thousand good reasons why not. What I meant was why? What happened? What drove him to turn towards her? I though you said he would never have the guts to even attempt it?” 12

Ashley's face had turned a pale shade of Grey despite the heat he looked like the blood had been drained from his body, or like he was living the nightmare right beside me. It made me wonder just how much these kind of statements affected him.13

After all he did live in a hostel, he had to have seen cases just like mine and even worse. With abused women, battered and beaten even. Then there was the children my age or younger who had to face this world, living amongst the animals of society. It must have been hard and I assumed it was even harder to comprehend coming from his best friend.14

Ashley's fingers lingered down the arm of my shirt, he took my hand in his. 15

“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to,” he said softly, his finger intertwining with mine.16

“I mean if it is to hard to talk about it, then we can talk about it later, or not at all.”17

I shook my head, accepting his comfort, not feeling a thing towards his gesture sexually, but the promise of a shoulder to cry on if need be, and the support of a best friend: the kind I needed so much in my time of rue.18

It was overwhelming, I could feel myself sinking further into the chair. My tired, weary body almost giving into my sleep deprivation as the heat dragged me into an intense, sense of exhaustion. 19

“No it's okay, I want to,” I said squeezing his hand tightly. “I have to.”20

Ashley nodded accepting my statement. He did not seem to be worried that I was squeezing so hard that his hand was starting to turn Purple. Instead he nodded, patting my hand ready to listen to everything that I had to say.21

“Well I am here for you,” he said, his head rocking back and forth as if possessed. “You just tell me in your own time, we have all the time in the world.”22

“Thanks,” I said, appreciating his support, my hand releasing his from my firm, reassured, grip. 23

“It was Larry Coles,” I stated, finding the words hard to say. His name feeling like acid on the tip of my tongue.24

I hated the guy from the day that Tanya had first told me of his actions. I somehow hoped that Trey would too, after all Larry had abused his wife time and time again, only this time he had overstepped the boundaries and limits of perversion.25

And while Trey still remained the same, old, hypercritical bastard that I had learned to grow up with. I kept asking myself why had he just not gone after Larry? Why? It was most definitely in his nature and in his heart and while I did not condemn violence it seemed the right thing to do. 26

“Larry Coles?” Ashley asked confused, curiosity dripping from his tongue like a dog hungry waiting anxiously for it's food.27

“Yes, Larry Coles, remember the guy I was telling you about from mums work?”28

Ashley nodded, raising his head in realization of the man I had spoken of a few weeks prior to this morning.29

“Oh yeah, I remember that guy. The one who was feeling everybody up? The one who only got a slap on the wrist? What about him?”30

I sighed, letting go of his hand as the feelings on tension were elevated. Could I say these words? Would they escape my lips without damaging my emotions any further? 31

Surely I had to take the risk. I knew that Ashley would not judge me for the way I felt, he had never in the past and I was certain he would not start now, but in the same respect I felt ashamed still, guilty and distraught. The emotions that I were feeling were still being tampered with in the depths of my mind and I was afraid that if I had another relapse that this time for sure: I would not be getting up in such a hurry.32

Then again that was a risk I had to take. The time was here, right now and it was now or never and sooner much rather than later had a more appealing look to it then keeping Ashley in the dark, causing him more worry then it was worth.33

“He raped Tanya, I don't know when or why all I know is that he raped her,” I spat, the words coming out like the toxic strike of a venomous viper, anger seeping from my voice filling the air with an awkward sense of frustration.34

“ Hell she was so distressed she pretty much trashed the lounge room and I came pretty close to hitting her myself.”35

Ashley's pupils dilated, I could see his eyes blood-shot from his own sleep deprivation. I could feel my heart sinking in my own chest, regretful that I was bringing him into this mess of a life that I lived, but relived that his focus was purely on me. 36

“What I don't understand is how he could of done that to her, she had already been through so much and yet he was just willing to treat her like some kind of machine for a release of his own anger.”37

“Larry?” Ashley questioned, now confused with both statements: His eyebrows burrowed once again behind his thick, chestnut-Brown, mane.38

“No Trey, he just would not listen to her. She told him to drop it, she stood up to him for once and he backed her down into a tight, little, corner like a child. As if it wasn't enough for Larry to rape her, he was going to rape her as well. It's sick, I just cannot fathom his motives and I feel guilty. I should of done something, but I stepped in too late and now she has to suffer the after fall of my cowardliness.”39

Ashley shook his head, brushing his fringe away from his eyes. His emerald gems sparking with emotions that I could not read, but knew that he felt.40

“So let me get this right. This Larry Coles, freak, raped Tanya and when Tanya tried to tell Trey to leave it and back the fuck of he tried to rape her? What for punishment? Fucking hell I could just about kill that ass hole right now. Where was Maggie?”41

“You're telling me,” I said pushing my body forward, not wanting to loose control of myself. I gripped the arm of the sofa looking towards Ashley's kitchen.42

Ashley caught on rising to his feet once again, running his hands down his shirt to rid himself of the creases in his shirt. He was always one for presentation and yet again he managed to bring a small smile to my lips.43

“You want me to fetch you another Milo?” he asked already heading towards the kitchen. His his hips swaying as he walked.44

I watched him walk away, my attention on the way he moved. There was nothing manly about the way he moved, it was almost as if he was skipping towards the kitchen. His heels popping up as he reached into the fridge for the milk: once again ready to take care of my thirst. 45

He knew me to well and maybe that was why I felt so at ease with him. Not only that I had tried to deny my feelings for so long that they had began to fade away.46

I was sure though that our friendship was not purely platonic as far as Ashley was concerned. 47

I had the feeling that Ashley considered me more so than a friend then he let on and while that did not worry me, I was not at all sure how to feel or what I would say and do if he did.48

It made it hard in some ways to open up to him, to get too close: That was when it scared truly scared me. I could not trust my own feelings, let alone be willing to open up the the love of another, but despite this lingering attraction I felt willing tonight to open up, physically, mentally and emotionally by talking everything through with him without the worry or admittance of Ashley's feelings.49

“Yes please,” I replied my eyes scanning his body. 50

He was nothing like any man I had ever seen, or any boy I had ever seen in his case considering that we were still sixteen. He was built, but not solid. Tall, but not like a tree more like a hedge that blocked out just enough attention from the people around me. He always looked hygiene unlike me and most of the males in out high-school and he had a dress sense that Carson of “Queer eye for a straight guy” would be well and truly proud of.51

I always felt a twinge of something confusing swelling inside me when I looked at him, though I did not want it to become too apparent that he made me feel even the slightest bit aroused. I was straight, at least I thought I was. No I knew I was, then yet again I had nothing to compare my feeling against. I had never even had a girlfriend in my life.52

Though this was no time to be pondering my sexual orientation and as I dismissed the feeling once more I steered my eyes away from Ashley, focusing my attention on the issue at hand.53

“Here you go,” Ashley said distracting me from my thoughts.54

I smiled taking the Mug from his hands once again, ready for round Two.55

Ashley leaned forward placing his own mug on the table before us. Turning his head towards the clock we both looked up seeing that it had just gone on Five-Thirty. We would have to get ready to go to school soon, although by the looks of it I was now certain that neither of us would be making it to school today.56

“So where were we? Ah yes so do you think it was for punishment or just him trying his power on? And where did you say Maggie was?”57

“I didn't” I said placing my mug next to his. “She was asleep. Trey made me give her a bath and put her to bed like she was some kind of child.”58

Ashley sighed, inhaling deeply as he took in my words: Unable to stop himself from yawning. The sun now shining through the open window.59

“So he raped Maggie asked you to do his dirty work and then attempted to rape Tanya before dawn, because she did not submit to his demands.”60

I nodded averting my eyes to the sunlight. I was beyond sleeping now, in fact I was wide awake despite the way my eyes felt like they had been attached to a chain, being pulled from the back of a land rover across the Australian desert. 61

“I don't think it was a form of punishment entirely, I just think it was an outright power rage. He wanted something and for once my mother was willing to not comply. He got angry and embarrassed and that's when he wanted to show her that she would tell him because he I think deep down he though there was something more behind it then my mother was letting on.”62

Ashley took his mug in his hand, walking towards the window. 63

“Do you think there is more going on then she lets on?” he asked looking back towards me.64

I shook my head, not at all sure what to make of his question.65

“Even if there was, which I am sure there is not, there is no excuse for what he did to her or should I say what he could have done had I not stepped in when I did.”66

Ashley nodded stepping back from the window. He placed his mug on the window seal as he gripped the hem of his shirt and lifted it up over his head, throwing it to the floor.67

I gulped, my heart beat pacing faster than usual as my eyes fell on his toned, tanned, chest. Watching is rise and fall with every breath that he took.68

“Fucking hell for 5:30 it sure is fucking hot, or is just me?” Ashley laughed lifting up his armpits.69

“Dah...ah I think it is just you,” I said my voice faltering as I forced myself to peel my eyes away from him. I was not meant to feel like this; he was a guy and this was not the time. No not the time at all I already had to much on my mind already.70

Focus Taint...focus, I told myself taking my mug in the palm of my hands for another sip of Milo: this time sculling it down without a worry.71

“So what exactly happened? You said he tried and you stepped in?” Ashley asked picking his shirt up from the floor, his mug remaining on the window seal.72

I nodded, focusing my attention on a poster that hung on his wall: to scared to pay attention to Ashley in case I got distracted and lost grip of reality.73

“I don't know, One minute he was wrenching her wrist above her head and forcing himself on her and the next he was lying on the floor.”74

Ashley raised his eyebrows, taking a seat beside me once again. His body radiated heat, not only that in the midst of the warmth his sweet, musky, scent was wafting in my direction, coaxing me into a soporific state.75

“So how did he get on the floor then?” Ashley asked curiously, but in a tone that meant he knew what had happened: He just liked questioning me I assumed.76

“I hit him,” I said sharply, looking at my fist. It had bruised lightly, but not badly. I was sure the evidence would be there when I returned home, but for now all that I had was slightly, red knuckles and the memory of the impact my punch had made.77

“You hit him?” Ashley snorted, his eyes lighting up with spirit once again. “You? You Taint Wilberson, “I can't hurt a fly” hit Trey?”78

I sighed turning away from his laughter.79

“Well how else do you think he landed on the floor then, huh?” I replied, the tone in my voice annoyed and harsh.80

Ashley stopped laughing, his breathing becoming steady as he regained composure over his reactions and turned me around to face him.81

“I don't know I thought Tanya might have fought back, you know? I'm sorry, but you have to admit when it comes to violence your not exactly the best candidate for a fist,fight. Especially with the likings of that stupid, brute.”82

I shrugged my shoulders having no reason to lie, but feeling like I just had. What was this feeling? Why could I not accept what I had done? I was telling the truth, yet I still felt like I was being dishonest to myself.83

I still felt brave, courageous, exhilarated and powerful, but I did not deserve it. The praise I was giving myself. I might have been brave to stand up to him, but I was still a weak bitch for not staying there.84

“God Taint, is that why you ran?”85

I nodded, my mood changing from amused and relaxed to depressed and embarrassed. If only he knew what it was like to live with him, then he might have been able to understand the fear that surged through my body and mind like like venom. 86

Hell I don't blame you I would of ran for my life too. Dude that is just awesome. Way to go,” Ashley said raising his hand for a high-fiver. He was thoughtlessly ecstatic and convinced that I was some kind or God for defending my mother against the machine. I wish I could tell him how sick it made me, how much I dreaded seeing Trey's face again and how I knew that mine would probably never look the same after Trey had finished with me.87

I was about to tell him that he had no idea, that he never would have any idea how frightening it was: when we both heard a knocking at Ashley's door and the familiar voice of Mrs. Collinson asking Ashley if it was alright to come in.88

I looked as Ashley, who seemed in a panic to put his shirt back on and directed my attention to the door, were the knocking ceased and Mrs. Collinson waited for Ashley to reply.89

“Ah...just a second mum,” Ashley said doing up his buttons so fast I swore they were going to fall off.90

Was Ashley embarrassed? Worse yet was Ashley embarrassed to be seen shirtless with me?91

“Alright you can come in now,” he replied, coming his hair over his eyes, his hand gripping the chair as Mrs. Collinson walked into the room.92

“Oh hello Taint, I thought I could hear your voice from the hallway.”93

I smiled at Mrs. Collinson, feeling Ashley's leg pressing hard against mine. I turned around seeing anxiety in his eyes as he continued to grip the chair: something strange was happening.94

I felt a twinge, a shock, a moment of stimulation as I felt my eyes watering in arousal. 95

This is not safe...this is not right... think awful thoughts...think awful thoughts... think obesity...think anorexia... think of Trey... ignore it...just ignore it and it will go away.96

“So how is your mother Taint?”