If I'd Told You 'I Love You'

I love you. Those words, the way you said them. You told me that you loved me like no one else could or ever would. The way the words flowed from your lips, like a trickling stream with no disturbances, it made me believe you. I felt like the best man I ever was at that moment, that no one could bring me down. I was on top of the world... Until you said the next line.
That night you left me wondering. What could I have possibly done to make you leave me? What could I have done to make you stay? I should have told you 'I love you'... why didn't I? Would it have made you stay? I regret it every day. The scene replays in my mind constantly, no matter how hard I try not to watch it.
***
"I love you." you said, pulling away from our kiss. "I love you more than anything. More than you could know, more than anyone else will."
I stand with my arms around your waist, slightly puzzled by your words for a moment. They sink in and I feel like I have accomplished the most impossible task. You love me, and you're not afraid to tell me.
You're standing there in my arms, waiting for my response. I look deep into your violet eyes, hold you tightly from your small hips, but my mouth cannot form the words. I know that I am disappointing you, your expression of pure joy is slowly disintegrating into sadness. My mouth is trying oh so hard to form the words, but I can't seem to force them out.
The silence between us pulls onward as I try desperatly to tell you what you want to hear, what I want to tell you. Finally it is too much for you and you pull out of my arms. Anger takes over your features; your purple eyes contain a fiery blaze and narrow at me, your tender smile turns down in a scowl. I thought you would just be upset with me, I could have never anticipated your next move.
You storm up the stairs in a blur of chocolate colored hair up to our room. I follow you quickly, not understanding your actions. The door to our room is flung open wide and you run for your suitcase and belongings. Watching you fling all of your clothes and necessities into your case kills me inside, but for some reason I still can't tell you those words.
We fly down the stairs, me following closely behind you and your suitcase. There is a moment frozen in time just after you pull open the front door and turn back to me, giving me one last chance to keep you around.
"Please don't go, just stay." I am able to say. Tears are stinging my eyes while I watch you. I didn't want you to walk out that door. You look at me with a look of disgust and disappointment. Nothing but that one phrase will keep you around, but I still can't say it. It's killing me inside to watch you leave. The tears fall silently down my cheeks as you turn away and stomp out the door, slaming it behind you.
***
I wish I could have said the words to you. They would have kept you with me. It wasn't that I didn't mean it, that it wasn't true. Why couldn't I just say it! Whenever the phone rings I hope with all I have that its you calling; it never is. The months that have past seem slow, colored in grays and blacks.
My nights are endless. I can't sleep anymore because I dream of you. You are the center of my subconcious mind and also my concious mind. I see you everywhere I look, but then I blink and you're gone. Your face is taunting me, telling me that I have lost you forever.
When I find someone new it never lasts long. I compare them to you. I miss the way you used to touch me; fingers lighter than feathers and slightly trembling, skin warm against mine. I miss the way your voice sounds; smooth velvet on my eardrums. The most comforting sound in my world. But its gone now and I can't bring it back. I can't bring you back.
If I could just see you now I would tell you everything. I've been missing you more than you could ever imagine. It tears me apart inside and out to not have you near me, to not hear your voice, to not feel your tender touch. I miss everything about you, I miss you terribly. The last thing I would tell you-the most important thing I could ever tell you-I love you. I love you more than anyone ever would or ever could.