Autistic? Maybe. Part Two

*Wake up sleepy heads! You're listening to 107.6, KPOP! It is now 6:30 AM.* The sound of the radio woke me up instantly. I never was a deep sleeper. Unfamiliar with my surroundings I scanned the with my eyes slightly ajar.  \Why am I in my car? Where am I?\ I continued to ponder those questions until flashes upon my inward eye reminded me of yesterday. \Where was I headed anyway? Eh, who knows.\ Luckily, I have a car with one of those GPS systems; otherwise, I'd be hopeless.1

     I arrived at my humble abode - if that's what you would call it - at 7:30. Vaughn was already out to work. You know, we've been married for five years, and I still don't know what he does.2

     I hope he doesn't think I went clubbing or something of the sort. I *am* pregnant. Who would dance with me and my stomach - I mean, my baby?3

     I looked at the calendar to see if I had work today, but I realized it was Saturday. I don't have work. I laid on the couch, listened to its groan, and decided to channel surf. With a sigh of freedom I thought, \Now I remember what high school was like. It was fun!\4

March 19, 2005- six months pregnant5

     'So my son's retarded?'6

     'No, not at all! He's going to be autistic. It's a mental communication disability. His mind has problems communicating. Sure, he'll be slower than most, but he will still be a sweetheart.' The doctor walked out of the office and towards the nurse. I listened.7

     'I'm sorry, Dr. Wilson.'8

     'It's okay. It's just my brother has autism. He's not retarded. He never was.'9

                                                                   ***10

A Group for Single Moms11

(800) 999-434512

Autistic Children Center13

(888) 763-454314

Autism in Your Home15

(800) 586-823916

The names continued on in The Orange Pages. I finally, after hours of searching, found one just right for me: Have Autistic Kids, but Don't Know a Thing About Autism? Then call 1 (800) 786-5812 today!17

And I did just that.18

     'Hello, this is Autism for the Absent-Minded Inc. How may I help you?'19

     'My son is going to have autism. I'm clueless. What will be needed? How much will it cost?'20

     'You son is going to have it?'21

     'Yes, he's not born yet.'22

     'I see. M'am, depending upon the severity of his illness, he may need many things: a special school, medication, a special nurse and/ or teacher. It varies in cost, but it's definately not cheap. He may not start speaking until he is two-years-old. He most likely won't be social. Refrain from touching him. If he runs away, buy a tracking device for his wrist. It's natural for them to want to hide in quiet, warm places where they can be alone. Will that be all?'23

     'Yes, thank you.'24

     Click.25

                                                                    ***26

April 24, 2005-7 months27

     'Welcome back, Mrs. Warner.'28

     'Hello, I heard what you said last month. I apologize for how I treated you.'29

     'Pardon me?'30

     'You said your brother has autism. I'm sorry I called him retarded. It's just been hard for me.'31

     'Oh, I understand. It's a common mistake. Everyone does it.'32

     'What's it like,' I paused; it was difficult to ask, 'having an autistic family member?'33

     'It's challenging, but it's worth it. I love my brother more than anything in the world. I would relive life with him any day.'34

     'Doctor, I don't know what to do. I have contimplated every choice I have: abortion, adoption, keeping him. I feel so stupid and fickle.'35

     'Well, I'm biased in this area of life obviously, but if I were you. I'd keep him.'36

                                                                   ***37

     'Hello, can you connect me to Forest and Lake City Adoption Center?'38

     'Okay, one moment.'39

     \Ring\40

     'Good evening, Forest and Lake Adoption Center, how may I help you?'41

     'I understand it costs money to put a child up for adoption.'42

     'That's correct, 1,500 dollars.'43

     'I see. How often do disabled children find better, new homes?'44

     'Rarely ever, m'am.'45

     'Thank you.' I hung up before she could finish her sentence. Everything costs money. I'm not having an abortion. I don't have enough money to put him up for adoption. Even if I did, he wouldn't find a good home. At least I could get gifts from a baby shower to help me raise him.46

     A month went by of the same phone calls, the same doubts, and the same doctor's appointments. I'm now in the middle of my ninth month.47

     It's Sunday; Vaughn and I are going to church. I think we need it. I know I do.48

     'Honey, I know we just arrived, but you either have weird bladder problems or your water just broke.'49

     'I think I noticed.' Vaughn helped me back into the car, and he drove like lightning to the nearest hospital. As soon as we rolled up, so did my contractions. In the movies when they scream in agony, I always thought they over exaggerated. They don't. In fact, they don't scream loud enough.50

     Before I knew it, I was filled with pain killers, - which I didn't mind - in a hospital bed, in labor, and pushing as hard as possible.51

     I was in labor for three hours, and I was glad it was over. 'Mrs. Warner, we've tested your son to predict the seriousness of his autism and,' my heart stopped. Doctors usually say, 'It's a beautiful baby boy,' but not my baby. My baby has issues. Do I even want to know how bad it is? 'He doesn't have autism. I'm happy you decided to keep him. He's gorgeous.' My heart must've stopped too. It was more than a miracle. All I could do was cry - which is what I did. I couldn't believe it. Doctors are idiots.52

\Thank you, God.\53