The Code Name Diaries-Chapter Eleven

“Katy, just pick one!” Sean cried, clearly impatient with me.1

“ I can’t just pick one!” I argued. “ My whole future could be resting on this.”2

Sean turned the pages of my portfolio, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. “You have over a hundred photos,” he pointed out. 3

“ Exactly!” I cried. “ How do you know which one is the right one?”4

He moved to sit next to me. “ All of these are wonderful…stop stressing so much,” he said.5

I groaned. “ I know. It’s just…so close. Graduation, college.”6

“ Awww, Katy is growing up,” Sean teased. 7

“ Shut up,” I said. “ You sound like my parents on my first day of middle school.” I held up a photograph. “ I think this is the one.”8

“Katy …it’s a picture of Ryan,” he replied slowly, trying to hide the jealousy that was so obvious in his voice.9

I took a long study of the photograph before replying. It was the one I had taken of Ryan so many months ago. Despite my feelings toward Ryan, I couldn’t deny all the power that was in that one shot. Ryan was walking up the front walk, looking over his left shoulder. His eyes were dark and full of mystery against the backdrop of a gray sky, his mouth curled up in an amused smile. There was so much captured in that photo. “ I know but it’s a great picture. Don’t you see it?” 10

He looked at it. “ I guess so. It’s just kind of hard to see when you are thinking of him,” he said.11

“ Yeah,” I agreed. I paused. “ This is it, I know it.” 12

“ All right, let’s mail it.”13

We went to the post office and bought the best first class packaging. I slid in the entry form and the laminated photo into the envelope and sealed it shut. “Kiss it for good luck,” I said to Sean. He kissed it and I slid it down the mail chute. “ There it goes. No turning back now.”14

“ You’re going to win it, Katy. I know it,” Sean said. “ You just have to learn to believe in yourself.” 15

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Winter in California was not very long; in fact, it barely existed. It was nothing compared to a Vermont winter. By the time April rolled around, the sun had taken a permanent place in the sky and everyone traded their winter clothes for light summer clothes. Heidi and I spent as much time at the beach as we could.17

One such time in mid-April, we decided to play hooky. We packed everything in the trunk of my car, had Bennett jump in the backseat and drove down to the beach.18

“ You know, Katy, everything is going right for you,” Heidi said from where she was lying down next to me.19

“ I wouldn’t say that,” I said. Bennett came galloping over and plopped his fat body on my stomach. “ Oh god, Bennett, get off you fat dog!” He licked my nose. “ I love how my dog knows how to obey.”20

Heidi laughed and pushed Bennett off of me. “ I’m serious, Katy. You are so happy.”21

I thought about it for a second. “ You know what? I am happy.” I grinned at her. “ I have the best parents any person in my situation could have. I have an amazing best friend.”22

“ Thank you, thank you,” she replied modestly.23

“ I have a great dog even if he’s the fattest one I have ever seen,” I laughed, scratching his head between his ears. “ And I have the best boyfriend in the whole world.”24

“ Where is Sean right now?” Heidi asked.25

I sighed. “ He’s out looking for an apartment. He says he’s lived with us for too long.”26

Heidi looked at me over the tops of her sunglasses. “ Are you going with him?”27

“ Heidi, please. I’m seventeen,” I said.28

“Katy, you’ll be eighteen in a week,” she pointed out. “ Besides you love him, don’t you?”29

“ Yes, I do. Of course I do,” I said, defensively, as if it wasn’t that obvious already.30

“ Well then you should be together,” she said simply as finality.31

“ I want to but I highly doubt that my mom and dad would be excited if I announced that I was going to live with Sean. They don’t even know we’re together,” I said. 32

“ You two have something. Don’t ask me what it is because I don’t know but is something that is so rare, hardly any couples can say that they have it,” Heidi explained. 33

“ Heidi, that didn’t even make any sense,” I said, shaking my head.34

“ What I mean is, you and Sean have a fairy tale love that is so unbelievable and it screams, screams, that you two should be together,” she said. “ Does that make sense?”35

I shrugged. “ I guess. All I know is I love him and that’s all that matters.”36

“ And you should,” Heidi countered. “ He saved your life and he was miraculously there when Ryan jumped you.” 37

“ Can we not talk about that?” I said shortly.38

“ Sorry,” Heidi apologized, glancing at me. “ But seriously, Katy, the guy would do anything for you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he jumped in front of a bus for you.”39

“ Hey, I would do the same thing for him,” I said defensively. 40

“ I didn’t say you wouldn’t. Calm down, Katy,” she laughed. “ Just promise me I can be your maid of honor at your wedding.” 41

“ Heidi…” I groaned.42

“Katy, please, just promise me,” she said sweetly.43

I shook my head, trying hard not to laugh. “ If, and I mean if, Sean and I ever decide to get married, you can be my maid of honor.” 44

“ Good,” she replied, satisfied. She laid her hand gently on my arm. “Only happy times now, Katy, only happy times.”45

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“ Stop, Sean,” I managed to gasp, pulling away. “ We can’t do this.” 47

“ I’m sorry,” he said quickly, resting his forehead on mine. His body was pressed against mine and he didn’t seem to incline to move any time soon. 48

“ We…we can’t do this, Sean,” I stammered, my heart beating a hundred beats per minute. “ You know we can’t. We…we…we just can’t.” 49

“ I know,” he managed to say. He was practically breathless. “ I just love you, Katy, I want this.” 50

I tried to ignore the feeling I was getting from the heat radiating off his body and tried to create some space between us. “ I’m still a virgin,” I whispered. “ You’re not.”51

“ What does that matter, Katy?” he said, softly, his breath tickling my face. “This means more than Courtney ever did.” 52

I bit my lip, absolutely terrified. Part of me was wishing my parents would come home at that moment and stop this from continuing. 53

“ Please, Katy,” he said softly.54

I lifted my eyes to gaze into his eyes and was lost in them all over again. I felt as if I could never pull myself back once I was already gone. “ Do you really want this?” I asked.55

“ I really want this, but I’m not going to make you,” he said, pulling himself off a bit. “ I would never push you into this.” 56

My body was already disappointed by the absence of his body and I sighed, tracing my fingertips across his cheek. “ I want it too,” I finally confessed. 57

He kissed both my cheeks gently. “ Are you sure? I want to make sure that you truly want it.”58

I nodded. “ I want it, Sean. I really want it.” 59

It was the slowest process for the both of us. I was a virgin, scared of crossing the boundary into the unknown, especially since Sean wasn’t as innocent as I was. I wanted nothing more than to please him and I could tell by the look in his eyes, that he felt the same way. He ran his hand gently down my chest, unbuttoning my blouse and slipping it off. One by one, each article of clothing was removed and tossed onto the floor. 60

He sucked in his breath. “ Wow…Katy …”61

“ What?” I asked, nervously. “ What’s wrong?”62

Sean smiled down at me, causing my heart to burst into fireworks. “Nothing. You’re so beautiful.” 63

My entire body was trembling in anxiety and anticipation.  He kissed my forehead delicately to reassure me. Our eyes stayed connected the entire time, both of us afraid to break the link. It was the most wonderful feeling to be held in Sean’s arms, his kisses scattered all over my body as he moved gently above me. Every inch of my skin tingled from his touch and I knew there wasn’t a happier place in the world. In every way, it was absolutely perfect for the both of us. 64

I woke up in his arms, my head gently lying against his bare chest. The events that had occurred came flooding back to me and I couldn’t help a small smile. I looked up at Sean, asleep, his chest moving up and down as he breathed. I ran my fingertips across his arm and back up to his face. I kissed his forehead softly and pulled the blanket tighter across the both of us.65

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“ Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” I called up the stairs.67

“ We’ll be right there,” my parents called down the stairs.68

“ Come on! There are only…” I glanced at my watch, “ five more hours left in my birthday.”69

I heard Sean laugh behind me. “Katy, you are so impatient.”70

I turned around and kissed him. “ I’m eighteen today. It’s pretty special.”71

“ Yes it is,” he agreed.72

“ I think we should tell them tonight,” I whispered in his ear.73

“ We should tell whom what?” he asked.74

“ We should tell my parents about us tonight, about our relationship,” I said.75

Sean’s face expression changed into a state of nervousness. “ Okay, I’m ready if you are ready.”76

“Katy!”77

Sean and I automatically pulled away from each other out of habit. We both breathed sighs of relief, thankful that they had not come down the stairs.78

“ Yes?” I answered.79

“ There’s two letters here for you!” my mom said, coming down the stairs. She handed me the letters. 80

I ripped the first one open and my breath got caught in my throat. Written in scratchy handwriting read, “ Watch out, Tara. I’m coming when you least expect it.” I shoved the note back in the envelope and threw it in the trashcan.81

“ Who was it from?” my mom asked, fixing her hair and grabbing her coat from the hall closet.82

I hesitated. “ Junk mail,” I answered, finally. I began to open the other envelope. This time I lost my breath completely. “ Oh my god! Mom! Dad! Sean!”83

They all came rushing up to me, worried expressions on their faces. “Katy, honey, what’s wrong?” Dad asked, searching my face with his eyes from some indication.84

“ I won,” I managed to say finally. I looked up at them, an excited look on my fact. “ I won! Oh my god! Guys, I won!”85

They all looked at each other in confusion.86

“Katy, what in the world are you talking about?” Mom asked.87

“ The contest! I won the scholarship contest!” I shrieked. I read aloud from the letter. “ ‘Dear Katy, We are happy to inform you that you are the winner of the scholarship contest. We look forward to having you as student for the fall school semester.’ Sean, Mom, Dad, I won!” I flung my arms around Sean’s neck. He spun me around. I wrapped both my parents in tight hugs. “ This is unbelievable!”88

“ I told you that you would win,” Sean said, hugging me again. He laughed and that’s when I noticed that I was crying.89

“ The party has arrived!” Heidi cried, walking in. She stopped, looking at the scene that lay before her. “ Oh my god, what happened?”90

“ Heidi, I won!” I shrieked again. “ I’m going to college!”91

“ I told you only happy times now,” Heidi said, her face lit up. “ I guess we’ll have a double celebration.”92

Okay, so here’s the thing about birthdays. A person can try to be modest about the fact that their birthday is coming up, but in all honestly, they want as many people to know about their birthday to increase the chances of getting presents. Don’t be shy; admit it. You have done the same. You can’t help it.93

Face it; when your birthday comes, the only person you are thinking of is yourself. It’s the only time of the year when you can be completely selfish and no one can really blame you. It is, after all, their day and they want it to go exactly they want it to. 94

I am guilty when charged of these acts. I spent the whole dinner with complete attention focused on me. Sean and Heidi knew exactly what I was doing but they did not fail to perform. I got wonderful gifts. My parents bought me a new leather portfolio for my most recent photographs and Heidi gave me a Something Corporate cd. Sean just smiled mysteriously and said I would get my gift later. 95

When it was time to leave, I told my parents and Sean that I was going to ride home with Heidi. We walked through the parking lot, arm in arm, laughing.96

“ So, I’d say that this was a good birthday for you,” Heidi said, pulling out her keys and unlocking the car.97

We both slid into our seats and buckled our seatbelts. “ It was the best birthday, better than I could have ever imagined,” I said, smiling.98

“ Do you have any idea what Sean might possibly be giving you?” she asked.99

“ Nope. It could be anything,” I answered, shrugging. Suddenly the door flung open. “ What the—?” I stopped shortly, wishing I could disappear on the spot. I heard Heidi gasp behind me but I didn’t dare to turn around.100

I let out a small scream. It was my absolute fear and yet it was there in front of me, impossible to escape. Level to my eyes, staring at me, was a gun. A person who haunted me in my dreams was holding the very thing that I could not stand Sean even holding. Behind that gun was my second worst nightmare, Hector Sandoval.101

“ I hope you are ready for this, Tara,” he snarled.102

I didn’t answer, just swallowed hard, so hard I thought I lost my tongue.103

He moved the aim of his gun from me to Heidi. I heard her whimper with fright. “ Get into the back seat!” he barked at her.104

Heidi remained where she was, afraid to move at all.105

“ Now!” he demanded.106

“ Heidi, please!” I begged. You should’ve known this was going to happen, Megan. You should have been prepared for this, I told myself. 107

Heidi jumped into the backseat before Hector could demand it of her again. Hector slid into the front seat and turned on the ignition, the gun held tightly in his hand.108

“ I’ve got you now, Tara. There’s nowhere to run,” he said.109

My life was over. 110