Flames

FLAMES1

*You can do it. You know you can. I know you can do it. Beat it. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known, both mentally and physically.2

Most people would have given up.3

You’ve beaten it all before.*4

I opened my eyes to the sound of the alarm clock. I looked across my room and looked at the digital display. 5:00.5

I rolled over and got out of bed as slowly as I could.6

Someone mumbled for me to shut it up from the other room. I quickly threw it under my bed and it fell silent.7

I walked downstairs and fed Misty, my rabbit. Seeing the time I quickly ran upstairs for a shower and then got dressed in my usual every-day clothing. Black trousers, brown t-shirt and grey hoodie.8

From my mirror I looked over to where my clock had been earlier and remembered it was under my bed. I leaned over my bed and put my hand under the pillow. I pulled out my hand, which was clutching what was left of my life.9

My possessions.10

My CD Walkman, which contained a homemade CD of various Rock/ Goth/ Metal Music. My phone. I glanced at its display and saw the time. 6:13. 11

My last possession slipped and dropped to the floor. Instantly I crouched and picked it up, putting it in my pocket. I stuffed my Walkman and phone into my bag with a few random CD’s and ran to get the essay I had worked on the night before from my desk.12

My dream was still in the front of my mind as I walked to my mirror and looked at myself. I opened the curtains slowly and let the sunshine fall over my face. My brown hair flashed golden in the sunlight. I quickly dusted some grey/ purple eye shadow on and then picked up my eyeliner, and drew excessively around my eyes. When it was even, I picked up my bag and headed downstairs. 13

As I walked to the shed my mobile phone rang. The slipknot ringtone gradually getting louder. I answered it, my voice barely above a whisper.14

“Ye?”15

“It’s me” The voices on the other end contained worry.16

“What’s up?”  I asked the familiar girl.17

“Where are you?18

“Getting my bike out.” I rested the phone between my ear and shoulder so I could talk get my bike out of the shed. “Why? What’s wrong? Are you o.k?”19

“How long will you be?” Her voice was shaking with fear and it sounded as if she had to struggle to talk.20

By now I was on my bike racing one handed through my neighbourhood. 21

“Umm… ten minutes. Maybe less.”22

“Meet in the park.”23

“O.k. See you in a few minutes” I replied. I was really worried now. Something has scared the shit out of her. She hung up and I put my headphone in one ear so I could listen to my music. My mind was racing and I knew the music would help. 24

I slowed down when I got to the park, panting like a dog. I saw Laura and threw down my bike. She was shaking but still managed to half stumble, half run towards me. As she did so her ripped clothes swayed constantly threatening to catch in a bush and pull her down. When she got to me I looked at her clothes properly. Her black and purple socks torn, her trousers covered in mud, and the sleeves of her Metallica hoodie were rolled up. Through her bangles and wristbands I noticed fresh cut marks over her veins. Something was terribly wrong.25

“What the hell's happened?” I asked hugging her to stop her falling over. She was breathing heavily and kept looking around, her eyes darting from side to side as if she were being followed and searching her mind for her sanity.26

“They….” She gasped, “came…” she swallowed “back.” She said in barely more than a whisper. 27

I stared open-mouthed at her in horror. “No… NO… When?!” I was getting angry at them now. How could they?! “Didn’t they do enough to us?!?!?!” I shouted without meaning to. Three pigeons heard and flew off in a jumble of wings.28

“Last night I heard them. They didn’t make me cut. I did that. As I made the first mark. They came back. They told me I was pathetic and to burn my wrist with my lighter. Then when I refused they…” she was crying and clearly distraught at having to remember them.29

“Shh…” I soothed her. “If you don’t want to t...”30

”No. I need to.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, which had fallen over her jewellery once more. “they told me to jump in the river. And here I am. By the river." 31

“You didn’t…” I hoped she hadn’t obeyed. “Did you?”32

“No. I ran. And fell in it anyway.” She looked to the floor and started to sway. I realised her eyes were closed. I linked my arm through hers and dragged her to the tree house we had built in the woods a few years ago.33

No one knew where it was. People knew it existed but no one had ever found it. Well. Not that we knew of. I helped her up the steps and, once inside, removed my possessions from my bag. I turned up “The used- got it all” on my walkman so we could both hear it and calm us down.34

Instantly she started breathing regularly. We had both been infected with “THEM” before and knew music drowned out their insane, maniacal, suicidal orders. I felt for my phone in my pocket, and then remembered it was by my bag. As I got up to get it, my hand hit something hard in my other pocket. My hand froze as I felt what it was. I pulled out my lighter and stared at it. “How the hell did..”35

“OH MY GOD Katy! Put it down!” Laura screamed at me.36

I tried so hard to open my hand. Tried SO hard. But I couldn’t. I was breathing heavily.37

And I felt the urge to flick it. I wanted to. To hurt her. To hurt Laura the way she had hurt me. I did. I flicked the flint but nothing happened. I had moved it too slow. Suddenly one word filled my mind.38

Revenge.39

It dropped to the floor. So did I. I curled as small as I could into a ball. My hands covered my ears. 40

I kept repeating it over and over in my head:41

“I will not let you do this again. 42

I will not let you cause me pain. 43

I am one to strong to fight. 44

I am the only one of night.”45

They had come back to haunt me. My revenge had brought them back to me. It was my own fault. Laura had cut in front of me. That was how she hurt me. I was screaming at her to fight them. And she said “This one’s for you Katy.” And a deep cut appeared across her vein. I asked why she had done it. She had said, “So I could hurt you.” And then she broke down crying.46

This was my revenge. I hadn’t meant it like this though! I didn’t want revenge. They made me! Didn’t they?47

I knew how much Laura hated fire. Just like I hated knives. My dad had thrown a knife at me when I was younger and I was scared of them. Didn’t stop me cutting though, i thought irrationally. Laura hated fire. Her house had burnt down when she was 7.48

“God Laura aren’t you over that yet? It was EIGHT YEARS ago. For god’s sakes. Grow up.”49

Oh my God. Did I just say that out loud? No. They did it.50

“Laura I’m so sorry it was them. I’M SO SORRY. It wasn’t me. You understand.” I tried to explain the voices had taken over my body again. jsut like they did wth her.51

Laura got up and walked out. I could see the fire in her eyes. 52

THEY had done it again. Ruined my life for the third time. The third life they had tried to destroy. First Joanna, then me, and lastly Laura. Now they had come back for more.53

I hated them. No one would believe us. I mean. Who would believe three girls heard voices that told them to kill themselves, cut themselves, and burn themselves?54

Just because it was true.55

And now they had taken over my voice. And said what THEY wanted me to say. And THEY wanted me dead. The voices that wanted us dead.56

They knew how to kill each of us. They had succeeded with Joanna. Her past had killed her. The voices tried to kill me with my past. They tried to kill Laura with her past. Now I knew they had found my true weak point. My worst fear.57

My biggest fear. The fear that was now gradually going to kill me.58

Fear of control. That was the second fear and I had come true.59

And loneliness. 60

In my semi-conscious state I heard a line of music. It was cradle of filth. The lyrics screamed in my head. As if stuck on repeat. I feared the voices had made sure I heard this one line.61

“From the binds of your loneliness. I could always find the right slot for your sacred key.”62

Loneliness. The one thing I would die with.63

And they knew it.64