Dorian and Mina

"Dorian,I cannot be long, you know my husband is very protective!" Mina Harker was running after Dorian,her lover and not a man to be called unnatractive."Mina,darling,why can't you just leave him?"Dorian whispered lovingly into her ear."I told you,If I leave so also does my state!If I leave,so does my home!"Mina stared at him as she said this.There was a light in his eyes.One only found in those still young.Though they were both in their thirties,Dorian did not look a day over twenty-eight."How do you stay young?"Mina asked staring into his eyes."I commisioned a1

a portrait by a perfect artist,who painted it and then said'While the portrait ages you shall not!No matter how dead you become, or old,or beat up,you will rise again!'"Mina turned and fled from her lover.A month later, a headline in the paper intrigued everyone who read it. "COUPLE ENTERS HOME OF KNOWN VAMPIRE,HUSBAND DEAD, WIFE MISSING."Mina died via a cross shown to her by Dorian Grey.Grey died by Mina showing him his own portrait.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Dovina silver member
    December 16, 2008

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    I don't know what movie this was from... and it was really short. My rules stated that I wanted it to be at least 500 words. You should have read that part before you entered this.

    That being said... I noticed that you separated the paragraphs where they shouldn't have been separated. Maybe you could have put their dialogues into separate paragraphs or lines, because having them all clumped together certainly didn't help at all.

    The plot behind it was interesting, but it felt like there was nothing there. More details would have been better.

    thanks for your entry


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    December 16, 2008

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    Was.. was this like a quick write you're going to expand on or is it the entire thing?
    Because if that's all you're writing than this is pretty horrible. Sorry.

  • aeroqueen
    August 12, 2008
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    litlle non-understanding in the last part but awsome topi


  • Frozen Angel
    August 6, 2008

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    This is an interesting story. I like the plotline. You should try putting your quotes into paragraphs.

    Keep up the good work and thank you for entering my contest.

    *Frozen Angel*