.......

Wind blowing in her hair, Becca walked away from her old life to start her new one, without Patrick. No one knew the hell that she had been through to get where she was. Although she went through hell, Becca missed Patrick, against her own good judgement. Becca definitely has a good life, living at home, 16, great parents who love her, 2 sisters and a brother, and 2 best friends. Her life was pretty ordinary; nothing extremely excited ever happened, that was, until she met Patrick. Patrick was a new student from Clinton, Arizona. His dad had got transferred to Mayberry, Vermont because of his job in the AF. Patrick wasn't exactly willing to move, but he took with a positive outlook, and moved with his parents. Little did he know he'd find Becca. They exchanged glances across the hall at Mayberry High School; neither could have ever guessed that day was going to change their lives forever. Patrick, having met those wonderfully blue grey eyes, was hooked. He had to meet her, and asap. As luck would have it, Becca just happened to be in his 3rd hour. NO one knew that Patrick had been looking for this girl all day. Becca, on the other hand, saw Patrick as an egotistical asshole. No one could would have realized that one day, Patrick's obsession would turn bad.1

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  • bewareofcarrots
    February 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hey There,

    Great start to this.. and love the character name used The only thing I could suggest for this would be to watch your verb tenses - you start out using the past with 'ed' endings, then switch to the present, and then back to the past again in "Becca definitely has a good life". It's a tricky thing to do and I mess it up all the time.. just thought I'd point it our so you can think about it and make changes if you feel it's necessary.

    Good start I look forward to more.

    Becca