[ sitting alone inthe middle of the night again1 ]

sitting alone at night again1

theres Smoke in the air.2

a forgotten butt still smoldering in the dark.3

Trying to write again but my thoughts wander to her.
my life full of it's mistakes and failers pain and lose have led me to her. 4

I'm looking at the phone should I call her? Should I tell her she means the world to me, that she gave me hope is my light in life. Should I do the net best thing and write a email? Make my self wait for a reponse that may never come ,jump every time i get new mail and if she writes be scared to open it for hours if not days.5

If I do what will happen? Will we be closer still or will she push away and i would have lost my light in the darkness. Or will we be closer? But then what from there? Closer friends or something more what would that closness be? Would it bestringer freindship or Love? What would come of that though happyness of a power i have never felt or lose grief mitakes made hatred even, I am afraid.6

What can I do I say out loud into the dark. No reponse this night or any other. I just need to talk anything just to see her again. Anything to see the smile ,for her eyes light up. for that i would give the world. 7

But writeing this and she reads it then what?should I tuck this in a file some place an foget it or post or mail it to her or WHAT! So mny if's but now writing thi I have made my mind up to go out on that limb everthing happens for a reason good or bad and someties it'snot about me it's about another so il give this awy ith a hope and prayer and see what lifes gives me and to see how Karma is to me this night. 8

I am lost.