Stop A Bullet - Chapter Three

Stop A Bullet1

Chapter Three2

Tanya slammed the front door the sound echoing through the house as she kicked off her shoes and walked into the lounge room.3

“Tanya,” I repeated beginning to worry about the state she was in. She had slammed the door so hard that I thought the glass would of shattered.4

“Not now Taint.” my mother stated standing in the middle of the lounge room, her hand raised to her forehead as if she had a headache, her face flushed brute, red as if she looked like she was about to cry.5

“What is it Mum?,” I asked as I picked up her briefcase, kicking her shoes onto the mat and walked into the lounge room placing her brief case on the coffee table before her.6

“I SAID NOT NOW!,” she screamed pushing the coffee table over, popping the locks on her brief case sending papers scattering all over the floor.7

I stood back moving a few steps away from her. My heart violently pumping inside my rib cage to the point I was beginning to wheeze.8

Something bad had happened to her. My mother never got angry, not even when we broke her favorite china doll did she get this angry and now she was acting like... like… Trey. 9

Her face burning with aggression. Her hands were flying everywhere; knocking books off the bookshelf, pushing chairs over; she was a mess.10

“MUM,” I shouted stepping closer towards her scared that if she did not stop this impulsive rage that she might actually do some real damage and we could not afford to fix or replace anything with the money that we had. Hell, we already found it hard enough to pay the bills and somehow I did not see Trey being to happy about having to buy a new television. 11

Tanya swung her arms towards me the back of her hand hitting my face, almost knocking me to my feet. Her teeth gritted, her eyes inflamed and furious: but upon impact she finally managed to stop swirling around. Her attention and focus on my body, hunched over and holding my face.12

Seeing me holding my cheek in my hand, I felt her hand rest on my shoulder as she tried to settle her breathing.13

“Baby, are you okay?” she asked the guilt dripping through her voice. 14

Bringing my face up to hers I let my cheek go. My skin burning, feeling like it had caught on fire; she had certainly done a good job.15

I nodded wiping the tears that were creeping, falling, from my eyes. 16

“Just tell me what is wrong for Christ sake Mum,” I asked brushing her hand of my hand, I was annoyed, that and the sleep deprivation was starting to affect me greatly; I could feel my eyes becoming heavy as the pain drove right through my body.17

They always did this. The not telling Maggie and I anything until I was way to late. We were always the last ones to find out anything: but not today there was no way I was going to be the last to know. I had already had a hard enough day, I knew I would not rest until I knew what was going on with my mother; For her sake and mine.18

Following me as I took a seat on the couch, Tanya picked up the coffee table resting her tired feet on the edge: before turning towards me, the tears streaking her face, her make up smothered making her look like a washed up clown, ready to talk to me. I sure hoped to Christ she was because I did not know how much more silence I could take.19

I wondered why people always worked them up into these frenzied fits when all they needed to do in retrospection was talk to someone; just to open up to somebody. 20

How bad could it be really? Was it worth it keeping things inside, bottling it up till it all got to much and they did something stupid that they would eventually regret? 21

This is how people died, why committed suicide and while I knew my mother would never be as stupid or as desperate as to kill herself, there were people in this family that just might and it was up to all of us to prevent this by happening by just talking; even though I would admit that something’s were better left unsaid.22

I shivered the image of death burning a vision that would leave me sleepless for many in the not so distant future.23

“I did not want to have to tell any of you this,” Tanya said her finger stroking my cheek, her guilt and sadness apparent as the tears continues to stream, her nose blocked making it hard to hear her through her sniffling.24

The pain was dulling as I paid attention to her looking into her eyes and only her eyes, trying to find an answer before she was ready to tell me: but I found nothing but worry in her eyes, nothing but panic, and regret.25

“See today...Today at work something happened,” she said raising her hand to wipe her eyes, her lips trembling, her hands shaking as she gripped on to my shirt for some kind of support.26

“Something that should never happen: but it did and I now have to pay the price for what I did.”27

I raised my hand lifting it to her eyes, my eyebrows furrowed deep as I wiped her tears for her, brushing the hair from her eyes. Now anxious and waiting. I truly hated it when people tried to drag secrets out when telling them to someone. I was the kind of person that just wanted the truth, however bad it was; for the truth was always far better than a lie.28

“What? What happened? Come on Mum please don't drag this out I have had a hard enough day as it is,” I said as she sat silently, her mind wandering somewhere else. This was beginning to drive me insane. 29

What was so bad? Had someone made a move on her again? It cant have been that bad it had happened before and she had just laughed about it. No it had to be something else: but what ? What else could be this bad that the cat had chewed up my mothers tongue?30

“I lost my job today Taint,” my mother spat out her head falling against the chair, fingers loosing her grip on my shirt as she turned her back to me.31

My heart sunk the, violent beating slowing down. Just as I thought my world could not get any worse, any harder she had to go and throw this at me. 32

She had lost her job? How? Why? What did that even mean? What did that mean for all of us not just her?33

“You lost your job,” I repeated back to her placing my hand on her shoulder, turning her a little , harshly, to face me again.34

She was not going to be the child at a time like this no matter how bad it was. She owed this to me, to be a parent. I did not care if she fell apart in my arms I need the truth, the whole story and I needed it now, no more hesitation or trying to escape it, I needed it right fucking now.35

“Talk to me, right now tell me what happened?” I told her my fingers tightening around the arm of the chair. Thoughts of Treys reaction igniting a whole new league of panic inside of me. Her statement wreaking havoc.36

“Larry, you know Larry,” she whimpered attempting to turn her back to me again.37

“Don't you fucking dare turn your back on me,” I growled rising to my feet, my body towering over hers; anger surging through me like an electrical current, sparking something inside of me that made my blood instantly boil.38

“I can't,” she cried as I dug my fingernails into her shirt, almost ripping the fabric as I pulled on it tightly.39

“You will tell me now,” I hissed trying hard to keep my hand by my side as I felt it being raised into the air, my fist clenched into a ball. I had every intention of knocking her clean if she did not start talking and it was starting to scare me. 40

What the hell was I doing? What was I feeling? Why did I feel so angry? Why wouldn't she tell me anything?41

“Taint let go of me, you're hurting me,” she said trying to shake me of, frightened: but regaining some control over herself and me. “Let me fucking go would you?” she said pushing my body away from hers with both her hands, her own anger resuming, her push causing me to loose my footing; sending my body toppling over the coffee table.42

“There is no need to get aggressive,” she stated firmly.43

I was tired of playing games, I was sick of the secrets, I was done trying to pick up the pieces of everyone else's problems and now I was fast becoming the person I never wanted to become. I did not want this, I did not need this, Maggie did not need this and yet this was our life. 44

How could I escape it with parents like these?45

Tanya held out her hand no guilt in her eyes for her action just pure frustration and desperation to drop the subject, as if it did not matter and it was her battle only to battle.46

I took her hand to knacked to fight this any longer, my whole body almost falling backwards as she gripped my hand tightly and pulled me to my feet, wrapping her arms around me; ready to surrender to the stupidity of our fighting. 47

“Look Taint it does not matter how or why I lost my job, Larry is a predictor and what example would I be setting you or Maggie if I let a sleaze like that treat me the way he does? Sometimes in life Taint you have to do things for your own self respect even if the outlook looks like shit city on the review lights do you understand me?” She asked her fingers stroking my hair as we both held onto each other, both drained, both in need or relaxation after the day we had, had.48

I nodded, my violent streak disappearing with the reassurance that her confession would be soon put to rest, even if it was no where near over. Morning was now On the horizon, a few hours and I would have to be at school, and Trey would be getting up to go to work.49

I knew that Tanya was thinking the same thing as she slowly pulled away from me, caressing my cheeks; Heartache in her eyes.50

I knew exactly what Larry was like and I knew what he would be like if Trey ever found out my mothers secrets. 51

I had been selfish in the way I had treated my mother in those few seconds of despair made me just as bad as him and I felt sick to the core about the way I had handled the whole situation. She did not need another Trey, she needed her son, her reliable, supportive son because at the end of the day Maggie and my mother were in the same league when it came to support, especially when it came to Trey.52

Though I had no idea how she was going to keep this from him. Sooner or later like everything, it would come out and she thought that the shit was bad now. 53

Did she have no idea what would happen when Trey not only found out she had lost her job and the reason why; but that she had been hiding it from. Letting him think that everything was alright until one day when the bills came and they could not afford them that she would just spring it on him? I was sure she was not that stupid. 54

“When are you going to tell him,” I asked following her as she headed towards the kitchen, taking her favorite wine glass from out of the wrack. 55

“I was hoping I wouldn't have to, Marie from work said that they are offering jobs down town in that Italian, hotel, what do they call it... L'afficiant.”56

“L'affascinante,” I said watching her pull a bottle of wine out from under the sink.57

“Yes, L'affascinante Marie said that they are open positions for laundry and suite cleaning.”58

“You haven't cleaned a suite in your life though, why don't you try going for something more in your league like in a magazine or something,” I asked, the aroma of year old wine wafting up my nose, making me queasy.59

Tanya shook her head taking a sip from her glass.60

“Beggars can't be choosers Taint, I am going to have to take what I can get for the time being,” she stated shaking her head. “I cannot afford to not take whatever is available, at least that way Trey will never have to know.61

“Never had to know what?” A familiar, voice sounded behind us.62

Tanya looked up, her eyes widened with fear, her fingers gripping the glass.63

I turned around seeing Trey standing in the lounge room door. His lips pursed, his hand by his sides: fist clenched into tight balls of anger.64

“Come on then tell me, what do I never have to know?65