The amber fluid swirls in the clear glass,1
Liquid from the river in Eden.2
It’s cool and sweet on his tongue,3
Satisfyingly burning down his throat.4
His bloodshot eyes glance at what lay before him,5
Tangled in a deep slumber was an exotic beauty.6
She was his, he was hers,7
Their love was to die for.8
Every night they came home to each other,9
Passionate screams echoed off the walls.10
Shadows moved rapidly, dancing in the light,11
While glasses shattered and the dispute heated.12
Lovingly he gazed at her, so peaceful in the covers,13
His mind thinking of all they had been through.14
Along her arms were black and blue bruises,15
From when his strong hands had thrown her against the wall.16
A long scar stood out on the paleness of her face near her eye,17
A cut made from an empty liquor bottle.18
He took his time with each bruise, with every blow to her,19
For she was his trophy, his work of art.20
When she added fuel to the fire,21
She’d get fire right back to her body.22
The last swig of ale was drained from his cup,23
And he sighed contemplated, as he thought 24
“Love is Beautiful.”25
Author notes
i love poetic twisting and the thought just popped in my head while i was reading about the contest.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
i chose option #4. and "Love is Beautiful"
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Thank you once again. I entered this 'poem' as a story because the contest called for it.
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Was this a common case of abuse, or something different. "She would get her fire back?"
One of the shortest stories I've seen, yet well written and complete. Almost a poem. Maybe a poem, too. I don't mind complete destruction in fiction, but in non-fiction abuse bothers me. This simulates non-fiction. Bugs me some. It should, I think it is intended. A very good write. Don't send me to any more good ones, today. I am paying for the applause. Kidding, I don't mind paying when it's good.
Andy -
Good
Interesting. A little violent and such, but not too greatly so. The background, however, I feel ought to say does not fit this work at all.
In fact, I'd say it's down right opposite of what it really is. Still, the read, though short, was pretty good. I didn't see much wrong with it of itself. There were a few confusing things though. You speak of Eden in the beginning and that never ties in later on. And the last line, the quotation marked section, seems a little off some how...not too sure why I see it that way. Anyway, this was quite a good read, and a rather interesting work too.
Final Notes:
Grammar--> 10/10 Sticky Caps--> 10/10 Comment Box-->10/10
PG Rate--> 8/10 Contest Info-> 10/10 Qualifier -->0/10
notes--> Odd read and "love on the wrong side of the bed." A poem with just a little need of clarification, but nothing more. Personal scale is seven. -
cool
Awww..this is an amazing write. Can this be love? Oh, I greatly love this love things. I like the way you out twist in your poetry. I simply like the form...the flow. Good job in her pal. Keep it up! -
Wow...this was really well written. I loved the flow and the whole idea of it. Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
Countrybabe
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oooh, I love it, you know how I love contrast and this defiantly has soem contrast/irony in it. I really like the part about her being his "work of art"
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