Raindrops

The heavenly hotel in Liverpool has a serious advertising error in its title. Instead of angels greeting you at the door you got grumpy workers, complete with that smell somewhere between alcohol and piss, literally shoving you through the lobby. Instead of soft, cloud-like beds that you can sink into after being harassed by the ‘angels’, you’ve got rock hard mattresses, often having a peas underneath them…nice little touch. Instead of room service rushing to your side as quick as you click your pristine fingers you have, well, nothing. Basically, instead heaven you got hell. 1

The hell hotel…got a ring to it.2

My job – it’s boring. So when you get something to watch you really look at it.3

Mr A stands, awed – it seems - in front of his destination, his wrinkled face creased in a frown. I zoom in on him; he’s wrinkled and old, like a walnut. He has a top hat on which covers all his hair - if he has any - and a set of piercing eyes sit beneath it, scanning the area. They fix on me, just for a second, people always do that - fix on me, only for a second though.4

He’s wearing overalls, the top hat doesn’t really go - strange combination. His overalls are quite dark, black, maybe brown or grey. I’m colour blind you see. Awful, such a bother, I see everything in black and white and I’m deaf! I know unlucky, but believe me, my vision makes up for it. My vision’s great. 5

Before him is a dump, he scratches his round chin wondering whether - more like hoping – that he’s somehow made a mistake. He glances at his map, no, this was it. He sighs, a long painful sigh. I can see it in his face, he hates this place. I don’t blame him – I do too.6

It really does look like a pile of rubbish. Garbage rots outside, surrounding the entrance like flies attached to a piece of meat. Above that is the wall of the hotel, leering up. It looks like a magnet for crap. Condoms stick out of the cracks; cigarette stains are dotted around in the oddest of places…graffiti is plastered on the walls, covered with the artistic topping of urine. The cracks seem to be almost like fungus: the windows have them; the roof has them and as A was going to learn later they also creep into the insides. 7

I’ve only been inside once, lucky for me, see, I used to spend most of my days inside, was positioned just by the door – you know to stop the wrong people getting in, letting the right people out – but they moved me, got a better guy for the front, more efficient for the job and stuck me outside. Rain, wind and snow, I get, rain, wind and snow.8

I used to work at such a nice hotel. It was all white, completely pristine…heavenly, you know what I mean. Just gorgeous, top class, don’t know why I got moved here…9

I watch person A stomp into the hotel, slowly, each step a battle. 10

Hours pass, but I keep on waiting, have to really. The rain is falling, blinding my vision. I zoom in on each drop, watch it fall, a tiny droplet of water that has been around for so long, travelled so many places and done so many things a human can’t do, yet can’t remember any of it. Shame, really. I watch it fall to its doom - falling, falling, falling and splash, it lands with all its little raindrop friends. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is it a painful landing or is that what you look forward to when you’re a raindrop? 11

Taxis rumble past now and then, groaning, breaking through the puddles and not thinking about the raindrops underneath the tyres. People occasionally come round the corner. It’s strange; it’s as if the temperature affects the speed. The wetter, the better – they run with glee. If it’s drier, they tire – the heat is too much for them. People run under various possessions when it’s raining – newspapers, coats, each other...not caring about me, under all this rain. But rain doesn’t bother me, I can’t really feel it.12

Hell (heavenly) hotel is situated in a little side street of the city; we attract only the rubbish of the world. We’ve got grey houses opposite us, all boarded up, not been used for years. Covered up, too ugly to be seen, hiding themselves. People only come here when they need to, when it’s an absolute necessity, like Mr A. He’s the first customer we’ve had all day, it’s pathetic – isn’t it? 13

Master B was the one who came later, when the afternoon was turning to evening, - a teenager. He was wearing dark overalls too, yet had replaced the top hat with a cap. He had the best eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. I just wanted to dive into them. They’re wide, like a baby’s and never ever blink. Well, only a couple of times.14

I’ve been watching him for a while. He was on his mobile for about an hour in the entrance. Whenever he smiles he scratches his ear – and he smiles a lot - I notice things like that. He has a little cheeky grin that made everyone else in the entrance smile too. Well, the one guy who was there, the rubbish man. 15

After the long phone call, he snaps shut his phone, stuffs it in his pocket and strides into the hotel. I can almost imagine my mate – the one who took my job – eyeing him. Bastard…no, I’m only joking.16

The afternoon fades to evening and still I am here in the dingy entrance of a dingy hotel, not even allowed in the dingy lobby.17

A while later Mr A comes out, smoking a cigarette.18

He puts his mobile to his ear (just like the boy), I strain, wishing my ears would work. His mouth is moving frantically, opening and closing, he raises his eyebrows and starts pacing, up and down, his shoes slicing through the innocent raindrops; let’s hope that some of them have evaporated by now.19

A pauses, the rain falls, he breathes in.20

He carries on talking for a couple of minutes then hobbles back into the lobby for about half an hour, he reappears with B next to him - A and B, finally together. A is carrying a chair. They both stand next to me. I look down at them, wondering what they are going to do.21

They chat for a bit and keep pointing at me. A picks up a suit case I hadn’t noticed before, opens it and takes out a strange metal object with a sort of hook on it. He hands it to B; B nods in reply, wipes his brow and clambers onto the chair. Then smile and scratches his ear. For the first time in my life I want to talk, I want to be able to speak; I want to be in command of the English language. I want to twist it, use all my effort to squeeze it into the shape I want.22

What are you doing to me? Is what I wanted to say, what the hell are you doing?23

His cheeky face comes level with mine, those deep eyes look at me, X-raying me. There’s rain splattered on his face. Hello, raindrops how are you? Was the landing ok? His scruffy hair is stuck in all directions; he has a spot of mud on his chin…24

He looks like that, what do I look like? Am I scruffy? Am I smart?25

How old am I?26

He scratches his ear.27

I try to scratch mine, just because they don’t work doesn’t mean I don’t have any – does it?28

He holds the hooked thing threateningly in front of me and leers in. He blinks – told you he blinks sometimes.29

I try to blink. I can’t, why not? Think about it, have you ever blinked in your life? 30

He’s doing something to me. My eyes are wobbling. The whole world is going mad. Suddenly, before I can either register him grabbing me, I’m upside down, looking up at A’s face. Looking up his hairy nostrils, he jumps down off the stool; the whole world jumps with him and the he holds me up to his face again. He rocks me, keeps rocking me, fiddling with something behind me. My vision is flickering.31

I’m blinking.32

I almost laugh but I can’t, I don’t know how. We walk into the lobby, me getting a view of the cracked floor; he must be holding me upside down or something…33

Then panic like I have never felt sweeps through me.34

I just saw a glimpse of A and B doubled in some type of screen opposite us, they were doubled into a small framed rectangle…the whole lobby was... A’s hobble, B’s stride, where was I? 35

I wasn’t there.36

If they were doubled in the screen, wouldn’t I be as well?37

But you were, something inside me taunted. You were, that was you, you saw something else in that screen I know you did and you know it was you. That monstrosity, that excuse for a human being was you. That thing he was holding. That small metal thing…38

It’s you…39

At that point I got lifted very high and then I felt gravity take control and I fell, fell, fell…I was in the Hell Hotel’s rubbish - I was the Hell Hotel’s rubbish. The lowest of low, the rubbish of the rubbish - but that didn’t matter…nothing did anymore…40

It’s you…41

My world had changed…42

It’s you…That small metal thing was you.43

How could have I not felt these things before? Didn’t I realise I was different? Didn’t I realise that everyone else could walk around freely, but I was stuck to some crappy wall.44

You don’t even know your age?45

Why?46

Because you’re not human, but I feel human, I can see, I can think. I’m clever. I have opinions. 47

Yet, you’re in a bin.48

My eyes flicker again and everything goes black.49

Your screen - not your eyes, you don’t have eyes.50

My only sense has been knocked off.51

I can’t hear like them.52

I can’t taste like them.53

I can’t smell like them.54

I can’t touch like them.55

And now, I can’t even see like them.56

You aren’t human.57

I’m not human.58

Why did they do this to me?59

Maybe you’re too human for them. Maybe, they think you’re rogue. Think about it, do you know any other machine that does what it wants, that looks where it wants? The mobile didn’t - did it? The mobile…it didn’t even have a brain.60

Do I have a brain then? Or maybe the mobile does have a brain…it just knows it’s a mobile.61

Why didn’t I know what I was?62

Why am I still thinking? I’m dead. De-activated, overheated – whatever...63

Maybe this is part of it…maybe first my vision goes and then my brain slows.64

What am I? I could see though - I had a sense. One of the five, how did I know that? Can it really be just from studying them? Mobiles can’t see though…but they can receive and send. They can hear and speak. That’s there senses. I can see…65

Maybe I’m meant to see for humans.66

That’s why I’m in one place all the time.67

I see who goes in.68

I see who goes out.69

I stop the wrong people getting in, let the right people out.70

I record it.71

I can rewind.72

I am better than them…73

I have better vision than them…74

They can’t do it themselves.75

You’re a thing though, built for them. You’re a thing, a thing, what a horrible word.76

And in the world of humans things don’t matter - they get thrown in bins…77

Anger pumps through my veins, your wires…78

I could feel it, my brain was dying; my computer was slowing down.79

I am real though, I may not be human but I am real…80

Maybe then, just maybe…81

Raindrops are real too.82