Heartbeat

Like any other day, it was happening again. Chest contracting, ribs caving in, muscles freezing, eyes rolling back in her head. Pain, unlike anything she has ever felt shooting through her fragile body. Doctors, sedating her, trying to save her life. One final burst of agony, and she was dead to the world, blood slowly dripping from her mouth.1

Growing up is hard. Everyone knows that, everybody who grew up can experience that. All the pain, joy, sadness, anger, confusion, betrayal, friendship and love stretched out over the course of years. And yet, they say it's magical. Then, could you honestly look Chelsie Richards in the eyes and say that she has to cram all that magic into 6 months, maybe not even? I bet you couldn't. You see, Chelsie, age 12, is suffering from terminal cancer. Each day, her mother prays that she'll get better, that the attacks will stop, but the child knows. Her life is slowly slipping out of reach, and she's too weak to stop it.2

Staring blankly out the window with glazed eyes and various needles hooked into her, Chelsie was lost in her own mind, a place away from all the treatments, pain and suffering. Sure, she might be a kid, but that doesn't take away her right to dream. She could hear her mom and the doctors murmuring in the hallway, but she didn't care. She's dying, thats that. A child, who can never grow up, experience anything that she wanted to. Here come the nurses, putting on fake plastic smiles, to hide their pity. Sick of it, she turns her eyes away. In a sickly sweet voice, they say that they're going to take more tests. Great, more pain. Wheeling her out from her room, the child wondered how many more times she'd see it.3

After the tests and the chemo, Chelsie just wanted to die and get it over with. Still, she hung on. Why? For her mother. Her mom only had Chelsie, and without her, she would die. So, still she hung on.4

The doctors entered, with a grave mask on his normally relaxed face. It's been coming on more and more recently. Clearing his throat, he relayed what the tests showed.5

'Ms. Richards, Chelsie...her heart is slowly dying. We don't know what from, or how to stop it, only that it cuts her life span drastically. I doubt that she'll live more than a few weeks. The mothers eyes widen, and tears start to slide down her cheeks. Her only daughter, she's going to lose her before she even turns 13. Shock sets in, and she doesn't register anything else. But Chelsie listens to all, and her heartbeat. Thump, thump, thump. Asking if the doctor could have a word with the kid, Ms. Richards steps out the room.6

'Chelsie, your going to die soon. I won't say otherwise. There aren't any treatments that won't clash with your cancer. I'm sure in time, your mom will understand.' For the first time since she was diagnosed, Chelsie's eyes started to grow wet.7

'But...she needs me. I can't die, she needs me to hold on. For her.' A single tear slid down her pale cheek. She doctor just shook his head, and they spent a few minutes in silence. Two heartbeats in the room, both at different paces. Thump, thump, thump. Slow and steady, the doctors pace. If you listened closely, the girls heartbeat was slower, even. Thump. Thump. Thump. But, that slowness didn't last for long. Soon, she felt a change in pace. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Slamming against her ribcage, she gasped. Instantly, the doctor was calling for nurses to aid him, as they once again, tried to save her life. Ms. Richards stood outside the door, watching her daughter struggle to survive. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Eyes wide open, and tears streaming down her face, Chelsie knew this time was different, and she wasn't returning. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Reaching out to her mother with one shaking hand, she mouthed the words, 'I'm sorry.' Letting her hand fall back, she waited to die.8

Heart still racing but under control, Chelsie woke once again in her hospital bed, with her mother clinging onto her hand and feverishly saying prayers. It wasn't worth the trouble. Ms. Richards looked up and smiled at her daughter, now awake. Her mothers eyes were full of tears, but Chelsie's eyes were dry. 9

'Mom...I want you to learn how to live a life without me. How.. how to survive without me by your side. Please. I can't hold on like you asked me too. It hurts..it hurts so much.' 10

For months, Chelsie had been clinging onto the rim of life by her fingertips, but now it was time to let go. Ms. Richards pressed her daughter's hand to her cheek, now wet with tears. That hand, which she knew so well, still warm but getting colder. Taking a deep shaking breath, she looked into her daughter's eyes11

'Chelsie...I don't know how to live without you. I need you here. To hear your singing in the morning while making breakfast, that grin you shoot at me when your planning something. I won't be able to see you grow up, to mature. I can't..I can't do it.' The child just nodded her head. 12

'I've had to cram all my growing up into months, mom. If I can, you can.' Bowing her head, Ms. Richards nodded. She understood, and Chelsie could finally let go. A musical voice filled the hospital room, the girl was singing to her mother one last time. Heartbeat slowing, she sang still. Thump. Thump. Thump. That voice stayed strong even when the rest of her grew weaker. Thump... Thump... Thump. Closing her eyes, a lonely tear slid down her cheek, only to be brushed away by her mom. Her voice faded, and she lay still. Thump.... Thump..... Thump. Fingers loosening their hold on her mother's hand, before going limp. Chelsie let out a sigh, before moving no more. Thump..... Thump. Now, only one heartbeat in the room, singing its lonely song, wondering how it will survive without the other.