The sun pounded down brutally on New York City and far off its coastline warming and stilling the restless waters of the Atlantic Ocean. 1
The small yacht cut smoothly through the calm waters and still air, as if hunting a nonexistent breeze. Aboard the ‘Temptation’ Samuel Bernstein and his guests were content to laze on the deck, leaving the operation of the ship to hired hands. They took advantage of the heavy metal lounges and chairs, made comfortable by the addition of terry covered thick-pillowed padding. The matching tables held multicolored drinks and snacks. 2
Lisa Marie Owens played bartender. 3
Samuel held up a flaming pink concoction indecently decorated with slices of oranges and pineapple and dark red cherries. His new friend David Rose, who had refused to sample the creation, wished him well and toasted him with a glass of pale umber ale.4
Samuel watched as Lisa watered down her own drink. She was nursing a similar but much weaker version of Samuel’s Hawaiian Delight. He grinned. Lisa was determined to accomplish a task this day, getting drunk herself was not in the equation.5
Peeling away the net covering that enhanced rather than camouflaged the shape beneath; the lady stretched as tall as she could reach; then, hands on hips, she did a squat as if to limber stiff joints. Again and then again Lisa repeated the action with deliberate slowness. Her slender feminine flesh emphasized by the arched body drew the males’ attention. Their eyes followed the progress of the delicate curves barely hidden beneath the skimpy bikini. Her lightly polished and artificially tanned flesh contrasted noticeably with the darkness of the midnight green suit and its splashes of bright pink emphasized particularly interesting areas. 6
David’s body reacted and he squirmed as he adjusted his swim trunks. Samuel, noticed and fought a laugh as he thought, next time you will accept my offer of a more modern loose fitting style. No, there couldn’t be a next time. Samuel felt a touch of guilt that he had become a party to Lisa‘s plans again but it quickly fled. 7
Samuel liked women far more than most men did. Never terribly affected by their sexual attributes, he could appreciate everything else about them. So Lisa amused him with her antics and he enjoyed her friendship without becoming physically attracted to the woman. Samuel would never classify himself as gay and he hadn’t hesitated to buy pleasure with some women, still he found that, he preferred having attractive females as friends. The relationship was much less stressful and long lasting.8
At nine years of age, and a rather short pudgy fellow, Samuel Bernstein learned a cruel lesson. He became aware that his mommy’s beautiful precious boy was neither attractive nor prized by others.9
Cindie, the dark haired princess of the school playground lived next door to Samuel. From the time they could toddle the two were nearly inseparable. Growing up in the upscale neighborhood, they were accompanied to and from school each day by one mommy or the other. 10
Then came forth grade and they were allowed to walk home alone. Samuel assumed like his Mommy told him, that Cindie would walk home with him. Patiently he waited outside kicking at the flagpole. Cindie was slow in coming and when she did arrive an entourage danced along around her. They were laughing and shoving and having a grand time, when they came abreast of Samuel, Cindie smirked and gave him an impatient wave off.11
“Why dah yah hang with that nerd?” A cute blonde girl giggled.12
“What a tubby,” said another youngster.13
“You should have gone home,” Cindie told him and continued on with her new friends.14
Samuel made it a point never to wait on any female again.15
Knowledge through the years kept some of the meat off Samuel’s ample hips but not even a surgeon’s blade could restructure his entire body shape. Samuel couldn’t be bothered suffering over nature’s apparent lapse in judgment; satisfied that she gave him the voice of an Adonis and a near genius level of intelligence, he profited from the qualities he did have. 16
He liked people and people mostly returned the favor. He was a compassionate watcher and listener. Men and women of all ages just naturally trusted him. Now on this hot summer day when even the clouds refused to move together and block out the sun, he couldn’t help but enjoy the antics as he watched Lisa manipulating the situation to further her desires. 17
David Rose had no need of the wealthy Lisa Marie Owens. His last recording had gone platinum and countless young females would fall on his bed and spread their legs at a gesture from him. It was his friendship with Samuel and the promise of a relaxing time away from adoring fans that coaxed the popular singer slash musician to join them. 18
Finishing her bit of calisthenics, Lisa sashayed over to the lounge nearest to where David was spread out. As she passed Samuel his nostrils picked up on a new scent. He was accustomed to the fresh, rather citrus scent modern woman usually wore but this was a heady –far too heavy perfume from a different era. It reminded him of his Mother’s even his Grandmother’s smell. Samuel fought the urge to laugh out loud. Some salesgirl had convinced the few years short of forty female, that a male barely twenty-five would find the scent of a ‘Taboo’ smell alluring.19
Lisa had brought her beach bag from her cabin and placed it on the deck. She bent sideways to retrieve a bottle of sunscreen from it. She paused in rising and her face was so close to David’s they could have engaged in pillow talk.20
“Can I coax you to do my back,” she let the words slide out as she held up the tube and wiggled it beneath his nose.21
David pushed upright and swung around so his bare feet hit the deck. “Sure,” he said. He grabbed the tube as if in a rush to complete the task.22
“Let me lay down first,” Lisa said and proceeded to park her butt on the lounge, turn, and cat-like crawl onto her belly until she laid face down her body stretched the length of the recliner. The dark green thong covered only the barest amount of flesh and a bright pink pattern slashed from where it started at the end of her spine down to disappear between her legs.23
Lisa’s face was turned towards David. She kept moistening her lips then nibbling on the lower one. Samuel could imagine the sighs she was giving off as David diligently rubbed her back with the lotion. He saw the beads of sweat pop up on David’s forehead and trickle down his nose and cheeks. Yes, Lisa was definitely making the proper impression on their young friend.24
As the yacht cut through the ocean waters further and further away from solid ground, Samuel mentally calculated how much longer they would be required to maintain their act. The Great City was several hours behind them and only the Atlantic Ocean waters surrounded them. Even the swell from another ship wasn’t visible on the surface. His crew of course was busy at their tasks or indulging themselves with his liquor where they couldn’t be seen. He never questioned them and they never counted passengers.25
Lisa appeared to be having such a grand time he hated to interfere. David’s mouth had slackened noticeable. Samuel wondered if it was the drugs or the vanishing desire that caused the blank idiotic expression on the no longer handsome face. Lisa lifted her head and smiled at him as she mouthed, “a few minutes more”. Carefully she pealed off the plastic shield that had captured David’s sperm and slipped it into a plastic baggy. Lisa preferred not to take chances; fertilization outside the body was almost foolproof and still the DNA could not be refuted.26
Samuel didn’t look forward to her pregnancy; she was a bitch the two previous times and her prodigy sons were nothing special. So three-year-old Elvin could read music and pound a piano. 9month old Elvis still pooped his diaper and sucked on bottle. Of course he wasn’t exposed to them that often and was grateful for that.27
Samuel scanned the Atlantic before them and saw not a wave in sight. The stillness was eerie but the gentle peaceful water would make a perfect tomb for a man who was just too good looking and talented. Yes, Samuel thought, the craze for ‘designer’ babies was making him a very wealthy man. 28
A contest entry
- Stories of Summer - Serious About Reviews group contest by Abstract Muse.
600 points, ended August 27, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Serious Writers of an Imaginary Sort contest number II by scriptor.
1900 points, ended May 31, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Literary Passion Group Contest #1 by Lady Pixie.
300 points, ended August 30, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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This was different from what I've read from so far- but well done certainly
Your use of descriptions and the way this piece was narrated was nicely written
Just some minor things I found:
P6: Her lightly polished and artificially tanned flesh contrasted noticeably with the darkness of the midnight green suit and its splashes of bright pink emphasized particularly interesting areas.
I think there should be a comma after suit
P7: Samuel, noticed and fought a laugh as he thought, next time you will accept my offer of a more modern loose fitting style.
no comma after Samuel. I also think it would be fitting if you added single quotes to show the thoughts. Like this:
Samuel noticed and fought a laugh as he thought, 'next time you will accept my offer of a more modern loose fitting style.'
P11: Then came forth grade and they were allowed to walk home alone.
fourth
P26: David’s mouth had slackened noticeable.
noticeably
P27: 9month old Elvis still pooped his diaper and sucked on bottle.
Nine month old
Overall this was an enjoyable and entertaining read. What an interesting plot here- making 'designer' babies. Great work, Geri
Pixie
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The character of Samuel was introduced really well as was the setting, the writing was smooth and effective with good description. I liked the surprising ending with the mention of designer babies which is quite an alarming thought! But all too real. There were a couple of mistakes I noticed;
#11 Then came forth [should be 'fourth'] grade
#26 mouth had slackened noticeable [should be 'noticeably'
There is lots of repetition of the word 'flesh', maybe you could use it a bit less as that would give a bit more variation to your description?
But good story, well done.
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forth 
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Sometime no matter how many times you read over something you miss the simplest mistakes.
That's why I love editors
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Hope you enjoy my writing enough to continue doing this.
, Geri
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Designer babies, eh? Creepy is the only word that comes to mind in response to that.
I loved the way you wrote this - you set the scene very well and continued to use fantastic description through out. Almost makes you think that people would really kill just to have the perfect child. *shudder* But great write, Geri, you did a phenomenal job!
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Thanks for reading and commenting
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I love to hear someone enjoyed my writing. Once in a while I'll do a short for a contest.
This was fun dreaming up.
Geri
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Hey Geri,
Already commented
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No problem.
I'm so
lately I think I may have called you.. nah I fixed it 
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Andy and 'Me' are trying to come to a conculsion of our next chapter before the weekend. So if I'm MIA that's likely the reason.
Geri
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That was twisted. Very well written so that I could see and hear everything that was happening. Your description is just phenomenal. This was an amazing little tale. Awesome job.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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'morning KK thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Andy had created the scene for another story we were working on
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I was looking for a fun idea to put in some contests and Designer Babies, came to me.
Glad you enjoyed the read.
Geri
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Hi there!
Thanks for reading this story. Geri is phenomenal. She can really bring a story to life. Thanks for stopping by.
Andy
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Hey Geri,
Some of this felt familiar. Must be transplanted from one of your other stories. As always your writing flows well and fills the readers mine with images of the scene you are depicting. Glad the ocean was calm, I get seasick. Only noticed a couple of things that you might want to look at. Para6-line8 suit. Para19-line7 needs space between twenty-five and would. Para26-line8 foolproof. That's it.
Steve
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Hi Steve!
Yep, the characters are transplants, but the roles are a bit different. I'll go after those errors. Thanks for finding them.
I hope you like this story. Geri doesn't do a lot of short pieces.
Andy
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Oh wow....man that was some twisted stuff. Okay, first off, that was a really well written story. You set the scene so perfectly I was watching it in my head like a movie. Now, like others have said, I saw an actress in my mind for Lisa. For some reason I saw Jennifer Anniston. She was one twisted mother...and poor David...all he wanted was some peace and tranquility...and he gets iced. Another thing I found cool but twisted was the Designer Babies idea. Creepy.
Now, I know others have found little things that were missed, but here is one I think they missed.
("Some salesgirl had convinced the few years short of forty female, that a male barely twenty-fivewould find the scent of a ‘Taboo’ smell alluring.19") Needs a space between twenty-five and would.
Other than that it was perfect. It read like a dream.
P.S. Can I still make donations?
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Hi Caradoc!
Some of the characters in this story are influenced by the novel Geri and I are writing, 'The Devil Came East' We're nearing completion of the first draft of that novel under the title 'SR Murders' or 'Secret' or 'Silent Radio Murders'. If you are interested in the novel, I'll be happy to give you the link. With your voracious reading appetite, I think you'd really enjoy the novel.
This story is mostly Geri's invention.
Donations are always welcome
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Andy
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Thanks so much for the wonderful review.
Well...I really had big plans and was all ready to start up...just waiting for a few sucke...oops...investors, when Andy backed out
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Seems he figured it was such a fine idea--someone else was already doing it.
If I can get another group going, I'll be sure to let you know.
Geri
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Hi Geri!
Did you have additional plans for this story or were you wanting a monitary contribution from me
? If it's money, you'll need to wait until we're famous authors.
Andy
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Well...we better get marketing then
Andy, I was just looking for something to post in SWOIS. I can't seem to catchup on Creators. With Bret hardly around, I have to play 'Leader' and I don't much like it.
Geri
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Wow..what do I say?
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We are trying to start up our new business DESIGNER BABIES care to invest a few million
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in p.17 The comma following Samuel is unecissary.
Normally i would have let myself get relaxed with the story, but anything written by both Geri AND Andy is just asking for trouble, so i wasn't lulled by the tranquil scene you laid before me
However, i never expected 'designer babiies' I mean, who would? It seemed to me that this scene took a while to develop, considering the plot, but over all i liked it. Good idea, good work
Bret
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Hi!
Geri pretty much ran away with this story. There's really very little of my input in it. She chose to credit me because some of the characters are similar to characters we've delveloped in SR Murders.
I'm very happy that you like it.
Andy
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Cool...
Yeah, it's all about the baby boom these days. Especially with celebrities. Everyone's so obssessed about the idea of having children, juat because it's in. I really like the subject of this story, it's very interesting. SO...unattractive Samuel runs an eccentric business--somehow, I got the feeling something wasn't quite right about him. Lisa seems like a nutcase, wanting babies by a famous singer. And a cougar, too. I just feel sorry for David who trusted everyone aboard that yacht. I can't believe they're going to kill him!
Besides a couple typos, great write, I enjoyed reading it.
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wow
I think you should have gotten more than just a green trophy >_> *notices it was Greg's contest and shuts up about it*
This was.. sexy. And manipulative. Hahaha I seriously love how you told this, where one can have a different thought of what transpired compared to another reader's idea. I seriously thought she just gave him a blowjob at first, but I read again and.. well, yeah.
I pitied Samuel, in a way.. because people always say "it's what's inside that matters" and yet, they judge. Even little kids point out that a skin is too dark, or that another is too heavy.. but yeah, NOT all kids are like that *huggles them anyway*
I seriously wouldn't have thought of writing this but it was a nice semi-erotica story Lisa made me think of a blonde Eva Longoria.. I don't know why 
Anyway, thank YOU for sharing this
Greatly enjoyed
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in paragraph eleven, you misspell fourth.
voice of adonis? i have to say, that's a new one. i have heard of references to adonis' physical appearance, but i'd never heard that -
Oh what a tangled web we weave.
Or in this case maybe it's...
On what a tranquil wave we deceive. *chuckles*
Yes, I would also like to read the novel this is included in. I'm sure it would be quite interesting!
I notice there are some pirates writing, ..I mean roving, .. on the ocean these days.
Amusing edit.
Thanks for entering and good luck.
Greg
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Oh yes!
Morning Greg--can I intrest you in investing? Just a few million and I know who we can target--we outta make a few billion
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Oh ho ho! I wasn't sure what was going to occur when I started the story, but designer babies wasn't at all on my list. Kinda creepy, to be sure, but I can see it in a movie someday.
You set the scene well for me; the boat, the characters, it was all good.
Um. P26, pealed = peeled, and full proof = foolproof.
Aaaand now I'm mentally disturbed for a couple minutes. Don't worry, it'll pass. It just means you really got in my head with this story, which is always a sign of great writing!
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I do wonder what the future will bring.
I'm glad that caught you unaware and I'm sorry if I messed with your head
Thanks for reading, commenting and catching my goofs.
I will try to repay you as soon as I can.
Geri
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Woa! This was one messed up story! Wow! Lisa and Sam are a couple twisted people! What novel did this idea appear in? I'd like to read it! Very well done, you two!
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Morning Phil, can I intrest you in one of them 'Designer Babies'? Or maybe you want to get in on the ground floor--gonna be big profits. Oh 'H' there most likely already are
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This basic scene was written a looooong time ago--I have hundreds of such filed away collecting dust. But here comes not one but two chances to put it to use. The ideas, the reasons behind the boat trip, even the personalities of the characters haven't the slightest resemblance.
While at the time prewrites weren't allowed (grrr I'm going after Greg again) I polished it for the contest.
But I think you will recoginize it when your see it again or not.
Geri
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I think that this is a brilliant start. Lisa's definitely a you-know-what, and I really can imagine the entire scene...and all of the people. When I read, I cast actors/actresses for roles. I don't know why, but I saw Heather Locklear as Lisa...and that guy from 'Burn Notice' as Samuel. I don't know who my casting director is...just a wild imagination, I guess. Still, I would like to read more of this, and hope that you do continue. A mystery, hmm? Yes. That would be great. Good luck in the contest.
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Hi and thank you so much for reading.
I always felt that there is a profitable business in the production of 'Designer Babies' that I'm missing out on.
The only thing that prevents me for trying is my brothers reminding me of what happened when I tried to breed Irish Wolf Hounds. The puppies were sooooo cute I could not sell them. We never had a blade of grass grow on our land again and Papa swore daily he was going to ship me to
Australia.
Geri
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