Once upon a time, lived a wealthy count, with his voluptuously wife and beautifulconcubine in their raven palace of isolation. A place where only darkened spirits dwelled. Both his wife and concubine had given him daughters. One pale, one dark. That night, hedgerow glistened as if snow possessed its own light. It reflected on the pale one's face, as if she was the sole owner of these qualities. Her tanned sister, on the contrary, was as ugly as a toad.1
Ah, unfortunate! Beauty (the pale one) was the concubine's daughter. Angered; raged; furious - the wife was a replica of the Devil herself. She made a blood bath, and drenched the concubine until all blood and flesh separated from her. (Because the concubine's daughter was much prettier than that of hers) Another vindictive kill! The castle, now as shady as midnight, with devious scents, could only be a hellish palace, like Satan living in luxury in the Cocytus, ninth layer in Inferno.2
My dear Beauty, your mother was a whore. She lost herself to the Beast at cards. You unfortunate thing have to pay for her sins. You are our servant now.3
The wife of this count raised Beauty. The count was not surprised by his concubine's departure, for he treated women like goods. The reason for a concubine was because his wife could not bear him a son. The wife also weaved a clever tale that she saw the concubine having sex with some drunken men in the barn, and since now she governed him entirely, he too, treated Beauty with brutality. Tattered. Frightened. Yet miraculously Beauty's determination continued her survival in the majestic, mysterious, malicious palace.4
This was Neverland where winter lingered eternally. Cold; tempest; motionless - fresh snow fallen on snow already fallen. Rags, rats and rattlesnakes, the only possessions that Beauty had to defend herself against the unearthly kingdom of continual midwinter. 5
Author notes
A twisted version of a fairytale. Since I cannot come up with society critiques/poems at this moment, I will update with dark stories with feminist morales. Enjoy.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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A rather interesting write, I am also wondering which fairy tale this would be; it seems to be a combination of a couple of them. Thanks for the entry!
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This definately has potential. I wonder what will happen next. I hopeI remember to check the rest!
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interesting...
moved too fast in my opinion...
thanks though -
Interesting tale, though I think expnading on the detail and emotion would do it a lot of good. Good luck in the contest.
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OH I like it, indeed. It creates a slow suspense in my mind, too
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good if confusing.
which fairy tale? Sorry to sound dim here but am rather confused... I suppose it could be Cinderella or Beauty and the Beast but either seems both unfinished and unready for showing. The first paragraph if confusing for me trying to find which fairytale it is does make sense, but the following one sounds like someone no longer narrating but talking to the characters or the reader (can never quite decide which.) The words themselves are descriptive yet seem somewhat disjointed, am sorry to sound so negative but am still rather confused.. you mention in paragraph 4 that "Beauty was slaughtered " yet go on to say that "her determination continued her survival " do you mean to say that she was treated badly or that her ghost survived? For if she was truly slaughtered then she would be dead.
don't get me wrong, this Is a good write, I just think it needs a little work to make it slightly less confusing for the thicker ones of us... (ie myself lol)
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Deep and powerful
Very creative write, building up the story slowly, adding abit more depth and detail with each new paragraph.
There was a silent chill to start with and by the time the story closed for now....Ice had formed, adding sorrow and haunting the mind.
Beautifully written...creating a deep and powerfully cold atmosphere, excellent write. enjoyed what you have written suss far.
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