A Second Chance -2-

Josh.  Tuesday January 121

à I hate girls. I can’t understand them I don’t want to understand them and I won’t understand them.  Aiden won’t talk to me… Avoiding me so I can’t dump her, but she won’t break up with me.  I don’t get it.  She thinks I’m so sensitive she has to tread extra careful.  She could come up and tell me I’m an ass and walk away and after I swore at her for a bit we’d be back to being friends.  I hate girls.2

à Keilan looks almost like she’s got two black eyes.  They’re bloodshot and she’s paler than ever.  She won’t talk, and she keeps walking away.  I need more guy friends, guys don’t go through these mood things.  But Keilan is really worrying me.  I’ve only seen this bad one time before and she was puking her eyes out.  That was nasty.3

à I need to get away from girls.  If I don’t I’m gonna go mad.  So they’re my friends, but seriously, I can’t hang out with girls much longer before I smack them both in the head and really give them something to whine about.4

à Dylan’s coming over.  We’re going to a local concert.  Free.  Free is good.   So I’m going.  --==[Josh]==--5

Aiden. 1 – 126

If I don’t break up with Josh soon I’m going to blow up.7

I just polished off near a half gallon of ice cream.  Oops.8

My essay is due in three days.  Why should I get started? -Ade : -O9

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Josh: Sorry I haven’t gotten to you in so long.  I haven’t been able to actually talk to you lately.  I mean, seriously.  How hard could you think it is?  Well, today we’re on opposite sides of the building all day, but get back to me sometime.  Grr.  Class started and I’m getting the detention look.  Talk to ya later though.  –Ade11

Hey Ade! Sorry this took all day to get to you.  And I know what you mean.  My evil teacher gives me the look all the time.  Like right now.  But I could really care less.  Tired of being in class... its so. so. boring.  Completely boring.  Well you‘ll get this at the end of the day anyways, so not much point here.  But we got one class together tomorrow.  Unless you still have detention.  You do, don‘t you?  Well I‘ll talk to you sometime.  I‘m getting the look. Grr. C-ya.  =Josh=12

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Keilan. January 13.14

“You’re not up to your standards, Keilan” say my teachers.  “You seem very tired lately Keilan” “You’re not getting enough sleep” “Your eyes, my dear.  They speak stories of your woeful life.  It will cheer up.  Keep your chin up, and don’t let others get you down my dear.”  This last is spoken by my religions teacher.  She’s not very religious, and she acts like a fortune teller.  Well let me tell her a story.  We’ll start as I wake up this morning.15

I wake up around 0500 to make sure that I don’t do anything to fast and wake my dad up.  He’s very cranky when he does.  I sneak around to take my shower and dress and put on the coffee for him because I know he’s going to wake up.  I hear him rumbling upstairs at about 0530 and he starts swearing about his headache.  Then he takes his time to get out of bed.  I make breakfast and clean up real quick.  He’ll be even angrier if he finds a dirty, empty house.  I hear him really starting to crawl out of bed around 0600.  He thunders down the stairs 5 minutes later to yell at me and throws away my breakfast before I head off to school.  He yells until 0645 about the dishes and the floor and his coffee and his mattress and what did I do to it?  I get away from him and leave the house.  I don’t have to leave for another half hour really.16

I always tell him I have to leave early.   I walk to the café and spend some money buying a coffee and some breakfast.  The lady is sympathetic and gives me the coffee for free.  She says I look pale.  I drink my coffee and eat and miss the bus.  I walk to school.  I argue with my two best friends when I get there.  Aiden says I look sick and Josh backs her up.  “I’m not sick,” I tell them.  They don’t believe me.  I walk away.  The rest of my school day is similar.17

When I get home dad is gone and mom is too.  I make chicken nuggets and French fries for dinner and save some for dad.  He comes home and I realize that was a mistake.  I stop eating and go to my room and lock the door and play my music really loud.  He yells through the door.  I can hear him very well.  He storms around and throws things around and swears for a good hour.  Then he comes back and tells me I’m grounded for life if I don’t open the door so I can hear him yell.  So I’m grounded.  And he’s still yelling through my door.  Obviously it doesn’t make a difference because I can hear him very well.  I turn my music up.18

So there’s your story Mrs. Religion Teacher.  Did you want to tell me the rest of my life?  If I get out of here I’ll be pretty happy.  When do you see that happening?  Anytime soon?  I’m tired of my teachers caring about me and the coffee lady’s pity and the essays and the detentions and the yelling and my friends’ looks.  I’m tired of it. |:K:|19

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Keilan: I‘ve been worried about you lately.  I know that you don‘t want it, and I know that we‘ve had a few fights lately.  But we‘re still friends, and I know that you‘re one of my best friends.  I know you don‘t want to talk about anything, and I‘ll let you be.  If you ever want to talk, I know that you will.  I just wanted to tell you that I‘m always going to be here for you.  And I hope you feel better.  I have to go, class is starting and Math Lady just gave me a nasty look promising at least a week of detention.  Call me?  =Josh=21

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Josh. Thursday January 14.23

à Well Aiden broke up with me.  She says she wants it understood that we’re still friends and that she really does think of me as her friend.  But the romantic part isn’t working and she should have seen it before.  Well I can’t say I didn’t try.  And I can’t say I’m heartbroken.  I was going to break up with her soon if she didn’t do it.  Funny how that stuff works out sometimes.24

à The concert was great though.  Dylan found all the free food too.  We got a free concert free food… free everything.  It was great.  And I met up with a couple of people I haven’t seen in ages.  That was a nice change.  They’re coming to the high school next year.25

à I’m worried about Keilan.  She may talk about hating me and that I’m a bad boyfriend ALL THE TIME but I know that she really thinks of me as a best friend.  I’m the same way with her.  She’s pale and she looks sick and I don’t think even she knows what’s wrong.  She’s acting differently this time than from any other.  She gets confused looking when me and Aiden bring it up.  I’m really nervous for her.  Oh, here she is calling too.  Pretty cool timing on her part.  --==[Josh]==-- 26

Aiden. 1 - 14.27

I dumped Josh.  I feel much relieved now that that’s over with.  We talked for a while afterwards and it was actually pretty friendly, more than I expected but hey… he is a guy.  It’s still going to be awkward.  I hate awkward things between us.  But it always happens. 28

Keilan won’t talk.  She keeps pulling herself out of ‘the world’ and it’s really making me scared for her.  She’s never done that before.  Not like this.  She’d come out of it pretty quick and say she just wanted to talk and didn’t have the right words.  But not now, she doesn’t even have the words to say that.  So she walks around and I talk to her.  She doesn’t say much of anything… a ‘hmm’ or a ‘yea’ or ‘no’ is about it.  I hope she’s ok.  But if I try to help her she’ll get really mad.  Grr.  I need some time to think on it.29

I have to write my essay.  What was it ON?? Uuh… Romeo and Juliet. Who was really to blame? Wow. Very exciting.  I should probably start writing.  Maybe. -Ade : -(30

Keilan. January 1431

I don’t know what to feel.  I don’t have the words and I don’t understand.  I can’t talk when I want to and it takes all I have to say what I don’t want to.  I want to tell about my dad and how he comes home last night and takes my door off the hinges and how he yells and yells and threatens to hit me.  He’s never hit me before.  He hasn’t threatened me in a while either.  Not to my face.   Through my door is a different thing.  I don’t have to see his angry eyes.  Angry eyes flashing like a stag’s shiny deadly horns.  It’s a scary thing to see.32

I leave and sit in the bathroom.  He pounds on the door for me to open up.  I lock the door and sit on the edge of the bathtub.33

I have an essay to finish and I want to call Josh.  I know he’s here for me.  He’s always going to be.  And he knows I don’t mean it when I yell and scream at him because I ‘don’t like him’ he knows it’s not true.  Because he does the same thing.  He yells at me for Aiden breaking up with him.  I hope that isn’t my fault.34

I want to call josh and tell him everything.  And how I’m afraid this time.  And how I feel more alone.  I’m scared and I can’t reach out because I won’t let myself.  I wish I would.  It’s a lot easier with friends. |:K:|35

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Aiden Williams37

English. Romeo and Juliet.38

There is no doubt in my mind that Benvolio is to blame for the ‘tragic’ deaths of Romeo and Juliet.  Romeo is swimming dejectedly in his heartbreak over Rosaline who has rejected his love to become a nun.  As Romeo pines, Benvolio comes up with a clever idea to cheer his cousin up.  This idea takes Romeo on a small trip to his enemy Capulet’s house.  A seemingly innocent trip that was truly the beginning of the end for Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet.39

If it were not for Benvolio’s foolish suggestion, Romeo would never had left for the party at Capulet’s that night.  If Romeo had never gone to Capulet’s, he would never have met Juliet.  True, he would still pine for Rosaline, but she is not the object here.  Juliet, in all her beauty catches Romeo’s heart with a simple glance.  Little did either of them know that he would be professing his undying love for her in less than an hour.40

One could possibly drag this blame to Romeo.  Romeo, recall, is the victim here.  He is one who died for his love.  He cannot be found at fault.  The blame must be traced to the one who started this.  I put full burden on Benvolio.  Had he not tried to interrupt Romeo’s grief over lost Rosaline, Romeo could grieve and both he and Juliet would live. 41

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Keilan Stanton43

English.  Romeo and Juliet.44

One of the most tragic stories ever heard of, Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet touches the hearts of many.  Perhaps one reason for such enjoyment is the tragedy.  The tragedy that cannot be placed.  Who is to blame?  Romeo?  Juliet?  Their parents?  Paris?  Mercutio?  The blame for this tragic ending could fall upon many  individuals within the story.  For the ultimate blame, we must look outside the story at William Shakespeare himself.45

If Shakespeare had never written this story there would be no tragic ending.  I blame Shakespeare for Romeo and Juliet’s deaths.  Without the story of Romeo and Juliet, there is no deaths, no blame to place, and no essay to write.46

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Aiden. 1- 15.48

I hate PigeonWoman.  Me and Keilan turned our essays in and she said they were ‘too opinionated.’  She wanted our opinions!  Oh well.  I’ll live.  Hating her.  But big difference.  I already almost did.  At least we’re out of Shakespeare now.  We’re into poetry.  I suppose it could be worse.  Keilan seems pretty into it. But of course she never tells anyone.49

Josh and I are still on speaking terms.  That’s a bonus.  I’m tired.  And hungry.  Have to make dinner.  Dad went out with some friends.  I think he’s looking for a girlfriend.  I don’t know if I want him to have one or not.  But it’s really not my choice.  His life, not mine.  Though sometimes I wish I could control more of it. -Ade : -|50

Keilan. January 15.51

Seekin a home with none teh find52

Tired o’ th’ dust ‘neath me feet53

Can’t wash th’ filthy land off54

Only one way ta get me clean55

Jump on me waitin ship56

Feel th’ wind pull at me hair57

Unfurlin th’ sails catchin th’ wind58

I belong teh this ship an she teh th’ sea59

Climbing th’ mast tending th’ sails60

Feel th’ lure o’ th’ gold61

Thar it be, pullin o’ th’ treasure62

Love o’ th’ hunt gets me goin63

On me way again, where I belong64

No home, no filthy land65

Just the ocean an’ a ship ‘neath me feet66

Heh.  An attempt at poetry.  How funny.  Keilan Stanton. Poet.  Right.  Oh well.  Right now I feel like a pirate born too late.  I would have loved to live on a ship.  As a matter of fact, I’m going to when I get money.  When I win the lottery.  Like that’ll ever happen. |:K:|67

Josh. Friday January 15.68

à I got nothing to say.  It’s not a first.  I’m drawing.  This book is bugging me.  I was going to throw it into the stream then I remembered I have to turn it in for a grade. Grr.69

à I’m going for a walk.  I’m done writing.  I don’t feel like writing anymore in this thing at all.  --==[Josh]==--70

Aiden. 1 – 15.71

Dad brought home a girl.  Her name is Marissa.  I don’t like her.  She’s got a tiny butt and enough hair to strangle someone with.  She’s got massive boobs that I’d swear were fake.  She’s stuck up and she thinks that I have to like her because she’s got money and she’s with my dad.  She’s got another thing coming.  I hate her.  I wish mom were here.  But she left, didn’t she.72

She just up and left and I want to kill her for it.  She was even a good mom.  Until she just ‘went out for the weekend.’  She said she needed a fresh breath of air.  Well the weekend came and went and we thought she meant a long weekend.  It’s been 4 years now.  I was 12 then.  And I still knew.  And I don’t know how dad can move on.  I’d want to hunt her down and make sure the witch was miserable.  But he’s not that way.73

He’s too forgiving.  And now he brings home Marissa who I want to strangle with her bushy brown hair.  If he suggests she stays I’m leaving.  She’s knocking on my door.  I probably have to talk to her and tell about how depressed I am about mom leaving.  I can hardly wait.  The anticipation hangs thick in the air.  And I think it’s going to make me sick.  How fun. -Ade : -( 74

Keilan. January 16. 75

Dad comes home drunker than normal today and punches through my door in a few places.  He still hates my music and he wants me to turn it down.  Then he yells at the dog and at pictures in the hall as if they would help him get into my room and to me.  He’s acting as though he really wants to hurt me this time.76

He punches my door again.  And again. And again.  He wants in and I don’t want to let him in.   I’m leaving through the window.  As soon as I get out I climb down a little way using the gutter.  It doesn’t want to take my weight so I drop.  I think I sprain my ankle.  It swells up and throbs but I don’t care.  I have my backpack with me and my journal.  I actually write in it now because it helps me.  Just to write.  Anyways, I set off down the street and start thinking of where I’m going to go to.  I can’t go to Aiden's, it’s too far away.  Josh lives nearby and I hope that he’s not going to be mad at me first and that his parents aren’t home second.  If they’re home that will make things a lot harder.77

I get to Josh’s house and his parents aren’t home.  The first good thing.  Then Josh isn’t mad at me and he tells me that it’s ok that I came here.  He was going to call me but then my dad answered and yelled at him.  He tells me that.  Then I ask if I can stay the night.  I can’t go back home when my dad’s drunk like this and I know that he’ll hurt me if I do.  So Josh says I can stay.  I can stay in the extra bedroom (which is dirty and cluttered with all sorts of stuff)  or on the little sofa in his room.  I want company because I don’t want to think too hard so I choose the sofa.  We find some pillows and a blanket and I curl up and now I write.  I think the light is bothering Josh though.  So I’m going. |:K:|78

Josh. Sunday January 17.79

à Keilan came over last night.  She looked really scared and asked if she could stay at my house for a while.  I guess she got my not after all.  I told her she could stay and she slept on my sofa.  She lay down and I think she stayed up long after she put out the light she had been writing by.  I think she was thinking about her dad.  He really needs to stop or she needs to leave.  No one can take that forever.80

à My parents came home and came into my room to make sure I was home.  They nearly started to scream at me right there in the room so I left it pretty fast to explain everything to them.  For parents usually so uninvolved they were definitely acting the parents this morning.  They came up a few times to make sure Keilan was comfortable and then to see if she was up for breakfast.  I think they’re worried about her health too.  It’s hard not to be.81

à They remember when she was healthy looking.  She had a fair amount of muscle for a girl and she could get in a fight with most guys and come out on top.  But now most of that’s died and she’s skinny like she hasn’t eaten right in a few weeks.  Her face is gaunt and her eyes never quite make contact.  She used to be like fire and consumed everything in her path in her passion.  But now she just floats around like a shell of what she used to be.  Like a memory.  I know she’s trying to figure herself out but I really wish that she’d hurry up.  --==[Josh]==--82

Aiden. 1 – 18.83

Keilan went to Josh’s house Saturday night.  I wish I lived closer.  I feel so bad not being able to do anything to help.   Her dad’s driving her insane.  84

And this guy in my Science class is driving ME insane.  He keeps trying to talk to me in labs and he wont stop.  I don’t even know his name, but apparently he knows mine.  Samantha thinks he likes me, but I know he doesn’t.  I hear him talking about Keilan to some of his friends.  I don’t know if he knows he has almost no chance with her, but I thought it’d be nicer to not tell him.85

Josh is a mess after Saturday… He feels so bad about his parents yelling at him and almost kicking Keilan out.  And he wants to help Keilan but he can’t and he doesn’t know what to say.  Oh well.  He’ll get over that.  We’re going out to a movie tomorrow night.  As friends… I think we’ve never really gone out as friends before.  I think we both want to get away from our houses and stop thinking about Keilan for a while.  I don’t want so much to stop thinking about her as much as I’d love to stop thinking about Marissa. 86

I hate Marissa.  Dad usually checks the water and all before bringing people home or something.  She picked him up today… his car’s dead.  She came in and started talking to me like we were friends and all… then she talked about my mom.  How bad she must be to have left.  I hate Marissa.  I hate her so much.  She’s nowhere near as good as mom.  Even if she left.  Like I hope Marissa will. -Ade : -/87