Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Mornings After Glory

"Mornings suck!"1

The statement was suddenly thrown out in to the quiet and empty kitchen by the small female figure slouched at the breakfast bar. Her head was low and resting in her hands. Blonde straggly hair fell unkempt around her face and shoulders hiding her down turned features from the world. Her back raised slowly then sank quickly as air was taken in and expelled in a deep sigh.2

"Lots of major suckage" the girl mumbled to herself from behind the curtain of hair3

Buffy Summers had only been up for a few minutes and already she was wishing she hadn’t bothered. Mornings were no good for her anymore. In fact no time of the day was much good for her anymore. In better times she’d always been a morning person. She had never been one for lazing around in bed or sleeping in, even before her Slayer days and the never-ending battles against evil that wouldn’t allow such luxuries as a lay in. 4

She’d always loved to see the mornings. 5

The beautiful early Californian light, the sights and sounds around her of the world waking up and getting started for the day. The sound of Mom downstairs making breakfast while singing along quietly to her latest favourite song from the radio, thinking that her eldest daughter couldn’t hear her from upstairs. 6

But Buffy could hear her. She’d liked to hear her sing. 7

Mom had always liked the mornings too; it was something they’d shared. The bright and early start to a new day always made her mother happy. It used to make Buffy happy too. Not anymore8

Buffy’s head sank further towards the counter.9

I so wish you were here with me right now, mom. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing…10

A shiver of pain ran through her small hunched body 11

I miss you12

Those happier days were long since gone with the world now a darker and emptier place. The mornings held no beauty or pleasure for her anymore. 13

But Buffy was still here. 14

Dawn was still here.15

Her friends were still here, and they all needed her. 16

Life goes on.17

Sometimes even after it ends.18

***19

A short time later Willow and Tara came hurriedly downstairs for breakfast closely followed by Dawn. 20

The three girls were sat around the breakfast bar happily munching on toast and cereal while excitedly exchanging their shared thoughts on the day to come. Willow and Tara were focussed mainly on the new classes and new professors at college. Dawn seemed to be mainly concerned with some new boy in school who was apparently "…a total hottie."21

After that fateful night on Glory’s tower, and with Buffy now gone, the two witches had become the caring mother figures and the emotional centre to young Dawn’s life. It was obvious that Dawn loved them both dearly.22

Buffy was quietly thankful to the two young wiccans for this. 23

She knew that since her return, it would be almost impossible to give that kind of emotional support to her sister - the kind of support and understanding she knew Dawn needed. She couldn’t even bring herself to be the boundary setter and disciplinarian. She was falling back relentlessly on Giles to do that as the authoritative father figure to the group that he’d always been. 24

Willow and Tara were great. The two of them helped out as much as possible with what limited money they had and with just trying to keep everyday life rolling on. But they had their own lives and were usually busy with study and trying to get the whole college career thing back together and back on track to some kind of semblance of success. 25

No, as head of this particular household now, Buffy knew that ultimately it fell to her to keep things together and to run as smooth a ship as possible on these choppy, demon infested Hellmouth waters. 26

She owed it to Dawn. 27

She owed it to her mom.28

Hovering around the edges of the breakfast meal and the conversation, Buffy listened in every now and again to the general flow of noise, picking up on the odd word or the odd phrase, but not really comprehending all that was being said. She did manage to register that Dawn had a thing for one of her new classmates called Kevin, but apparently he liked some other girl called Corrine who, according to Dawn, was "…a total Britney", and Kevin "…doesn’t even know I exist"29

"Maybe I should just do a Christina to counter the Britneyness?" Dawn wondered out loud, before going on to ask, "What do you think?"30

Buffy glided silently to the refrigerator to put the milk away letting Dawn, Willow and Tara carry on the conversation without her.31

"Buffy?"32

Buffy started at the sound of her own name33

"Huh?" 34

"What do you think?" Dawn repeated from behind her35

Buffy pushed closed the refrigerator door and slowly turned to face the others. 36

Willow and Tara were watching her with quiet concern. Dawn’s eyes were wide and expectant, her eyebrows slightly raised as she waited for a response to her simple question.37

"Think…about what?" Buffy managed to get out38

She saw Willow and Tara shift uncomfortably in their seats. 39

"About Kevin. The boy I like at school," Dawn patiently clarified. "Should I go all Christina and try and get his attention away from Corrine - who is way too Britney? I mean, boys do sometimes like the bad girl thing don’t they?"40

"I, uh…I’m…I’m not really sure, Dawn," Buffy began hesitantly "But, given my history with guys I’m probably not the best person to give you advice on this stuff."41

Dawn sank ever so slightly 42

"But you’re my big sister," she said plaintively "You know this stuff. You get to impart your important worldly knowledge and wisdom to the next generation - namely me. It’s tradition."43

Buffy averted her eyes from her sisters and moved urgently past her, scooping up some dirty crumb covered plates from the breakfast bar before heading on over to the kitchen sink. With her back now to the three girls, she dropped the plates down in to the sink with a loud clatter.44

"Sorry, this girl’s fresh out of wisdom and knowledge," Buffy said in a low voice to the dirty plates beneath her. "When you start dating 200 year old dead guys or GI Joe super soldiers, give me a yell." 45

She paused for a couple of seconds, mulling over her last words. 46

"Although, seeing how both of them panned out, probably best not to" 47

As she opened up the faucet, Buffy could feel her sister’s eyes hot on her back. Over the sound of newly rushing water, she heard Dawn speak to her again.48

"I know you haven’t exactly been full of the lucky charms with the whole dating and relationship thing, but you still know way more than me. I need some pointers on this whole teenager and growing up thing." 49

A slight pause 50

"Besides, who else can I ask about boys? I mean, Willow and Tara are totally in to the whole gay thing, so levels of boy knowledge are gonna be pretty low there." 51

"You’re so right, Dawnie" Tara agreed with a smile "Boys are, and always have been, a complete and total mystery to me." 52

Her eyes flicked over to Willow 53

"Can’t speak for my lady, though."54

"Well, I’m not a complete empty head where the male gender is concerned!" Willow stated with just a slight tinge of indignancy. "I haven’t always been gay I’ll have you know. Before Tara I had a boyfriend. Oz. He was a boy. And a werewolf, but still…Boy!" 55

Willows eyes widened as she remembered something more.56

"Ooh…I’d also liked Xander for a long time," she added a little too enthusiastically. 57

"But he’d never seen me like that. I’d always been just good old reliable Willow. Or best friend Willow. Or how do I talk to girls I like and get them to go out with me Willow." 58

Her expression started to drop as this particular memory continued.59

"We did end up with a bit of a thing for a while. But not a thing I’m proud of as he was with Cordelia at the time. Then she got hurt and found out about us, and made a wish that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. And that led to the whole alternate universe thing and an evil, skanky vampire me who then got transported to our world where Buffy and Angel thought I was dead, but I wasn’t. Then, later, I got to meet evil Vamp me and she was all "Ooohh…lets team up and take over the world, but first lets make out." 60

A shudder ran through Willow at the memory of that last part.61

"That so wasn’t nice," she said through a grimace "There was definitely some kind of a demonic…and deeply disturbing…gay self abuse thing going on." 62

Finished recounting her past love life, Willow gave a little shrug as if to say "Oh well" and looked back happily to Tara and Dawn - only to see them both staring at her with a shared look of mild shock mixed with wonder on both their faces. Buffy, her back still to them, continued busying herself obliviously at the sink. 63

Willow suddenly felt a little too self-conscious under Tara & Dawn’s new scrutiny. Her cheeks started to get hot and she sheepishly lowered her eyes away from theirs. 64

"So, you see, I have some… knowledge…of…things," she concluded in a small embarrassed voice.65

A few quiet seconds rolled by with the only sounds being the sloshing clatter of Buffy pushing around the plates in the water filled basin. 66

Then, Tara finally spoke67

"Wow baby, an evil gay vampire you that wanted you. I hadn’t heard that one before. I don’t know whether to be jealous, or…" her eyes narrowed and she gave Willow a mischievous grin "…kinda turned on." 68

With a soft chuckle she quickly added, "You certainly have lived a life!"69

Relieved, Willow looked back up in to Tara’s loving eyes. She nodded once in agreement, then reached out and took her lovers outstretched hand and squeezed it affectionately. 70

"It’s true. I have," A cute little smile now rested on Willows lips "One day, I’m going to write a book, you know. " 71

Dawn’s attentions had completely left Buffy and were now fully focussed on Willow. The teenager’s eyes were wide with amazement as they stared unblinking across the counter at the red headed Wiccan.72

"Whoah…Now THAT is a weird story," Dawn told the room with a whispered awe.73

Willow just shrugged 74

"Dawnie, you know weird stuff happens here all the time. Otherworld vamp Willow was just another case of the old Hellmouth bugaboo. No biggie."75

Dawn frowned and shook her head76

"Nah, not the other you thing, that’s just Hellmouth stuff," she said so matter of factly "Weird and creepy, sure, but normal for this town. I meant the whole Xander and you thing. I never knew about that. I never knew you liked him like that. Now THAT is weird! I mean, you guys are like brother and sister." 77

Dawn screwed up her face in disgust as that last thought hit home. 78

"Ooh…Yuck!"79

Willows smile instantly disappeared. She threw the youngster a sour look80

"Hey!" she said indignantly. "No yucks from you, young lady. We aren’t brother and sister. No relation at all. And anyway, it was just a thing. A very short and brief and wrong thing that ended when we both realised that wasn’t what our friendship was about"81

Dawn’s face registered with mock surprise at Willow’s defensive retort82

"Okay, okay. No yucks. Perfectly okay." 83

She then shot a sly glance at Tara 84

"But I wouldn’t go leaving Will and Xan alone anytime soon. Old passions die hard, you know?"85

Tara’s eyes creased in response and she giggled lightly at Dawn’s teasing86

"I’d trust my baby here with my life, so I think I can trust her with Xander," she said. 87

"Besides he’s way too scared of Anya to ever do anything with anyone else. An ex-vengeance demon as your girlfriend will kinda do that."88

Glancing back down from the kitchen clock that now said 08:15, Willow picked up a small piece of stray toast crust from the counter top in front of her. She tossed it across at Dawn who flinched as it connected with her cheek, before bouncing off and landing back on the counter.89

"Hey!" Dawn bleated.90

"Xander will be here in a few minutes. Go get your stuff together for school, troublemaker!" Willow ordered through a playful grin.91

"Ok. Anything to change the subject, huh?" 92

With that Dawn left her seat and headed around past Willow and Tara towards the open door in to the dining room. 93

"But I’ll just have to ask Xander all about what you guys got up to." 94

As she went by, Dawn gave Tara a quick wink 95

"Don’t worry, Tar, I’ll warn him off for ya!"96

Tara sent one foot out and caught Dawn lightly on her behind as she passed97

"Scoot Bandicoot" 98

Still laughing, Dawn continued towards the dining room.99

"Dawn?"100

Dawn froze instantly at the sound of her sister’s voice calling her name. 101

All three of them turned to look at Buffy, who was now stood back at the refrigerator. As the three girls watched, Buffy pulled open the refrigerator door and reached inside to retrieve a small blue plastic box. She then pushed the door back shut and began to walk towards Dawn with the box in her right hand held straight out in front of her.102

"Don’t forget your lunch."103

Dawn didn’t blink. For a couple of seconds she just stared blankly at the offered lunch box. Then, finally, as what was happening fully registered, her mind caught up and she reached out and wordlessly took the offered blue plastic box from Buffy. Dawn didn’t say anything, not even a muttered ‘thanks’; she just turned swiftly back around, box in hand and resumed her journey towards the dining room.104

"Um, Dawn?" Buffy called a second time105

Once again Dawn froze, but this time she didn’t turn.106

"What?" she answered in a quiet, even voice107

"Dawn…I’m sorry. I…"108

Dawn turned around now to face Buffy who remained standing stone still in the same spot where she had last seen her. Despite the apparent stillness of her face, Dawn could see that there was some small hint of uncertainty lurking in her sister’s eyes.109

Tara left her chair and still holding Willows hand dragged her from hers as well.110

"C’mon Will, time to be heading out. Lots of important learning to do."111

The two of them said goodbye to Buffy, hugged Dawn then hurried from the Kitchen. A few seconds later there was the sound of the front door closing as they left the house ready for a bright new day of the college experience.112

All was now silent and still in the Summers kitchen. 113

The two sisters just looked quietly at each across the empty space between them. Eventually, Buffy broke the silence.114

"I’m sorry Dawn," She began in a low voice "I…I shouldn’t have reacted like I did earlier. It’s just…"115

Dawn relented. She gave her sister a half smile and waved one hand casually116

"It’s ok. I understand. Things are still tough for you, I mean being back and all. With us…" a slight pause "…with me."117

Buffy took a quick couple of steps towards her sister, but stopped herself before she got any closer. Her tired, impassive visage melted just a little.118

"No, it’s not ok. It’s not your fault, any of it. I have to try harder. I…" 119

She paused, then dropped her eyes to the floor. She felt them starting to sting as the beginnings of tears threatened. 120

"It’s just…mornings…they aren’t my best time anymore. It takes a lot of effort each day. I feel…It’s just… so hard…" her words trailed off121

After a couple of seconds she raised her still stinging eyes back up to meet with Dawn’s. 122

She opened her mouth and was about to say something else, something more meaningful to her sister when the loud honking of a car horn from out front intervened. 123

Buffy blinked hard in reaction to the invading sound. 124

The budding moment between the two sisters had now gone; the threat of her tears had quickly been banished. 125

Dawn just smilled gently as if understanding perfectly everything Buffy had and hadn’t said to her. 126

"That’s Xander. Guess it’s time I went to school"127

Buffy nodded128

"I guess so." 129

Dawn turned and left the kitchen.130

***131

Buffy knew that this couldn’t go on. Sometime soon she was going to have to step up and deal. She was going to have to take full and proper responsibility for her kid sister. But as of right now she was finding it barely doable to take responsibility for herself let alone a needy often demanding and mostly angsty handful of 15 year old girl. For Buffy, just getting herself through every single moment of every single day was enough of a struggle. 132

She’d been torn from the peacefulness of the afterlife and pulled suddenly and violently back in to this hard cruel world of matter only to be left feeling like a void had opened up inside of her leaving something missing from where her humanity had once been. 133

And then there were the dark dreams that continually plagued her sleep. 134

Dreams of falling, of blinding light and pain. Dreams of death and of agonised rebirth. Dreams of waking in a coffin beneath the earth, gasping for air and tearing and crawling her way inch by filthy inch out from the grave. 135

How could anyone’s mind, Slayer or not, stand up to that kind of trauma? 136

It wasn’t as if she could just go and seek professional help. Number one – there was no way to afford such help when she couldn’t even pay for a plumber to fix the busted pipe works in the basement. And number 2 – just what would or could she say? 137

Hi Doc, I’m Buffy Summers. I died to save my little sister from an evil hell god and to save the world from the apocalypse. My friends then brought me back from the dead by unwittingly ripping me out of heaven, where I was happy and at peace. 138

I now feel hollow inside, am financially broke, and have to take care of little sis cos our mom went and died suddenly last year. 139

Oh yeah, I’m also the chosen one destined to fight the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness until the day I die…again. 140

Yep - quick one way ticket back to the funny farm for crazy Buffy. 141

She couldn’t even talk to her friends about any of this. There was no way she could ever tell them what they had done. 142

They had brought her back using powerful, dark and dangerous magic. They’d risked their very lives in doing so because they had thought that her soul suffered eternal torment somewhere in an unknown hell dimension. 143

How could they ever know that she had in fact been happy, loved and at peace? 144

It would destroy them, especially Willow, for she had been the catalyst for bringing Buffy back. She had put herself through terrible danger and such great pain to ensure the return of the Slayer to the land of the living. 145

No, Buffy would never tell them. Some secrets had to remain just that - no matter how hard and how painful they were to keep.146

The only one who knew, and whom she felt safe in confiding any of this to was Spike. 147

Spike! 148

She didn’t know why she’d told him. Perhaps because he was an outsider. He was someone she knew and could talk to, but who could not really be called a friend. 149

He was something else. 150

Or perhaps it was because he wasn’t human and would somehow understand without feeling any of the guilt or pain that Willow and the others would feel. 151

She didn’t really know exactly how she felt about Spike - or about anyone or anything anymore for that matter. However, there was definitely some kind of an odd and strangely confusing connection now between the Slayer and the platinum Vampire. 152

***153

Xander Harris strolled amiably through the front door, and in to the pleasantly cool hallway of Casa Summers. 154

He was bang on time to pick up young Dawn and drop her off at school before heading for another day’s work on site. 155

It was a weekday routine he’d comfortably gotten himself in to. 156

He enjoyed his short car drive with Dawn each day. It felt good to be needed and to be someone who was looked up to and relied upon the way Dawn did with him. 157

And besides, she was the one person who always laughed at all of his jokes no matter how weird, obscure or just plain bad they might be. 158

Yep, I still have a number one fan in The Dawnernator.159

As he entered the hallway he greeted Dawn with a warm smile as she picked up her school bag from the bottom step of the staircase in readiness to leave with him.160

"So, Dawnmeister, you ready to begin another day of wacky adventures in the world of the under funded…and undefended Sunnydale public school system?" 161

Dawn returned his smile and giggled appreciatively, the way she always did with Xander. He could always be guaranteed to make her smile – even on a Monday morning school day. 162

Dawn had had a big crush on the Xan man for a long while, but it had gradually worn away over time to be replaced with the close and genuine affection that a younger sister might have for her funny, slightly dorky, but deeply caring and protective older brother. 163

She went to say something witty or maybe a bit teasing to him in reply.164

"Xander, remember our conversation?" Buffy intervened from the rear of the hall before Dawn could get any words out165

"You know? The one about how we don’t terrify an impressionable teenage girl by inflicting the horrors of our own high school experiences on her?" 166

"Ah yes…the horrors of high school. I remember them well." 167

A new and distant look crept into Xander’s brown eyes. 168

"Yearbook photo’s, parents evenings, wedgies in the locker room, lonely dateless nights. Cordelia!" 169

He turned to look at Buffy, who remained still and darkly silhouetted in the rear doorway. 170

"But then, it was all vampires, Principle Flutie being eaten by Hyena possessed students, life sucking mummies, doorways to hell under the library. Snyder."171

A slight pause.172

"Oh, and my personal favourite…the big snake demon that tried to eat the entire graduating year of 99."173

He gave an exaggerated shudder at that particular memory.174

"Well, at least The Phantom Menace WASN’T the low point of that year!"175

176

Xander heaved a heavy sigh then looked back to Dawn. She had a cheerful grin on her young face and her bright eyes twinkled at him. 177

"Yep, School days, Dawnie …happy, happy times. Treasure them while you can."178

In his peripheral vision he could make out the dark outline of Buffy quietly shaking her head. 179

Oops…best not upset a Slayer on a Monday morning. So not a good way to start the week.180

"Anyway, enough about the bad old days," he said clapping his hands together enthusiastically. "Time is money, and money keeps my lady, the ex-demon, happy and in shoes and the stinky cheese. So, time to mosey on out of here. C’mon Dawnie give me your best mosey."181

Dawn giggled then started to slowly amble towards him, school bag dangling from her right shoulder, looking like a cross between a drunken cowboy and a gangly teenaged stick insect. 182

Xander smilled affectionately at the teenager and gave her an approving nod.183

"Yep…that’s a mighty fine mosey little missy!" 184

As Dawn continued moseying towards him, Xander turned and started back out the front door185

"See you later, Buff," he called over his shoulder.186

"Tell me again all about the mayor and blowing up the school?" Dawn asked excitedly as they headed out on to the porch.187

"That was just sooo cool!" 188

Springing now from her spot in the rear doorway, Buffy rushed after them both. 189

As she reached the open front door, she called out urgently to Dawn and Xander’s retreating backs as they headed off down the path.190

"No, not cool. Blowing things up…especially your school is so NOT cool!" 191

192

***193

On reaching the waiting car, Xander unlocked the passenger door for Dawn then walked around to the driver’s side, waved to Buffy who was now stood out on the porch, and climbed in. 194

Dawn grabbed the handle and started to pull the passenger door open. It had only opened a fraction when she paused. 195

Buffy’s last worried words to her were still echoing around in her ears. 196

Right now, Dawn was much more concerned by her sister’s recent strange behaviour and current state of mind than by being just a little bit late for class. 197

Coming to a decision, she pushed the car door back fully closed, turned swiftly around, then began to run back up the path towards where Buffy was stood watching from. 198

Dawn quickly covered the short distance, bounding up on to the porch, coming to a sudden halt directly in front of her slightly startled looking big sis. 199

Then, without hesitation, the youngster threw her arms around Buffy and began to hug her tightly. 200

Momentarily taken aback by her little sisters unexpected actions, Buffy quickly recovered from her shock. Cautiously, she began to return Dawn’s firm hug, careful as not to exert her Slayer strength in the embrace. 201

As they hugged, Dawn whispered in to her sister’s ear.202

"Don’t worry, I won’t be blowing anything up. Xander just likes to tell these stories. Tell how he got to slay some bad guys of his own. Makes him feel better about…you know…not having any special powers or anything."203

Buffy hugged her sister a little tighter.204

"Just when did you get so smart?" 205

A short pause.206

"Was it when I was dead? I bet it was when I was dead."207

Dawn groaned in discomfort at the new improved Buffyness of the hug.208

"Umm, sis, I kinda need my ribs?" She wheezed.209

Buffy instantly released Dawn from the embrace. She then pushed her gently away.210

"Yikes, sorry about that. There you go. Rib bones back."211

Dawn looked at her sister, obvious concern on her young face. She reached out and took Buffy’s right hand in her left, gave it a gentle squeeze, then leaned in close with a tender kiss for Buffy’s cheek. 212

"I love you, Buffy!" she said as she pulled away, her young eyes full of hope.213

Buffy’s own eyes softened in response. She offered Dawn a slightly hesitant smile.214

"I love you too, Dawnie."215

Dawn instantly returned the offered smile - only much wider and brighter; her eyes now gleaming with pleasure at her sister’s response. 216

She quickly released Buffy’s hand, turned away, and ran happily back down all the way to the waiting car. 217

And this time she climbed in. 218

Once Dawn was safely inside and buckled up, Xander pulled the car away from the kerb, honking the horn once in farewell. 219

Buffy watched as the car with her other best friend and little sister in headed on down the street to eventually disappear from sight. 220

Slowly, she raised her hand and absently touched her fingers to the spot on her right cheek where Dawn had kissed her. 221

Why had Dawn’s hug and kiss felt so strange? 222

It felt as if she had to consciously think about and make the effort to feel something; to show genuine love to her own sister. Surely something that should be the most natural thing in the world to do. 223

So why was it so hard for her? 224

Buffy looked up towards the bright morning sun overhead and closed her eyes. She felt its strong waves of heat caressing her face. The gentle movements of the surrounding air brushing at her. She breathed in and sampled the various aromas carried on that air: faint traffic fumes, freshly cut grass, sweet traces of flowers from nearby gardens.225

She concentrated her hearing and listened carefully, sampling the many varied sounds of the world all around. So is this what it means to be alive? She asked silently 226

Warm sunlight on your face.227

A soft breeze tickling your skin. 228

Sounds of other people living their lives all around you. 229

Friends, laughter, excitement, love. 230

It was all supposed to be so good. 231

So why then had all the beauty in the world abandoned her?232

And why, even amongst her closest friends and family, did she still feel so empty… 233

So cold234

And so alone. 235

…Mommy? 236

End