.Confusion.

“Dray, I love you.”1

Startled, dazed, and confused, holding the phone to my ear, I fall onto my bed. With not having talked to Aubrey in so long, I listen intently to her voice. I’ve practically forgotten what she sounds like. “Wait,” I pause, trying to process the information she just gave me. “What?”2

“I love you,” She says again, just as confident and proud as before. 3

Tucking my knees into my chest, I shift the phone from my left ear to my right. “You do not love me, Aubrey.”4

“Yes, I do,” She says, quietly. “I never really stopped.”5

I blink. “Impossible.” Raising my voice, I say. “You’re in love with Adrianna.”6

“True,” She tells me, giggling almost. I roll my eyes at the reaction she gets, simply from me saying her lover’s name. “But, I love you too.”7

“You can’t love both of us, Aubrey.”8

She laughs against my ear. I haven’t heard her laugh in so long. “I do though, Dray. I really do. I love both of you.”9

“No, no, no. You don’t.” I say, getting defensive. “You can’t, you wouldn’t, you couldn’t, Aubrey. You don’t.”10

“What are you talking about? I would, I do, I can, Dray.” 11

“No. You don’t. You don’t act like it, you and I barely even talk anymore. Not like we used to.”12

She sighs. “I never know what to say to you, I’m always afraid that you’ll bring up…Cherie.” She pauses for a second. “You know I’m jealous of her.” I can practically hear the smile on her face.13

“Aubrey…you make things so difficult.” I tell her, frowning at the phone.14

She giggles. “I’m sorry; I just felt the need to tell you that.”15

“Well, what are you doing?” I ask, desperately trying to change the subject. 16

“Besides getting rejected?” Aubrey scoffs.17

“How did I reject you?”18

“I don’t know. You just did. You don’t love me.”19

“I…” I pause, getting my thoughts together. “I don’t want to talk about whether or not I love you.” I say, confident with myself. The mere thought of me discussing that topic with her makes me sick to my stomach. I absolutely refuse to bring those emotions back into my life.20

“Why not?” She asks, curiosity seeping through her voice.21

“I just don’t. It doesn’t matter anyway. Nothing is going to change.”22

“Do you want something to change? Is there something that’s supposed to change?”23

“No,” I roll my eyes at her questions. “I guess not.”24

“Okay then.”25

“Alright.”26

Silence.27

“Do you remember the meadow?” Aubrey asks me, laughing slightly.28

I smile. “Of course. And our soap operas, being dogs, everything.” Her laugh makes me smile. I curse myself for even thinking that.29

“Yep, good times.”30

We have so many memories, more than *they* do now. “Yeah, well…” I have no reason to be jealous anymore. My feelings about them are in the past, right? That’s their relationship. I always said they’d get together anyway. Why was I so surprised?31

“I have to go. Umm, I’ll call you right back.” Aubrey tells me, quickly.32

Already knowing that she isn’t going to call me back-she never did, not since they got together-I reply swiftly. “Alright.”33

“Bye,” She tells me.34

“Bye.”35

I hang up the phone, already regretting ever having that conversation with her. She can’t love me. We’re barely even friends anymore. I will never admit to it…but I think I miss being her best friend.36

What am I saying?37

Turning onto my side, I quickly punch in Cherie’s number, knowing that she’ll make me feel better.38

And to think I wasn’t going to let her back into my life. She ruined it before, I won’t allow her to do that again.39