DISCLAIMER- Information surrounded by [brackets] indicates that it is from the OCD Center of Los Angeles website, at www.ocdla.com. Please visit if you have any concerns about your own mental health.1
Instead of continuing with stories of my past obsessive compulsive experiences, I wanted to talk about some current stuff. I pin pointed my specific type of OCD today on the www.ocdla.com website. (I would like point out, however, that while OCD is a major problem, it is no longer as severe for me. I have learned, with counselors' help and God's to deal with it when it pops up.) My form of thought based religious OCD fits in the category of Pure Obsessional OCD.2
[Some individuals may suffer from "pure obsessional OCD" (sometimes called "pure o") in which they report experiencing obsessions without observable compulsions. These obsessions often manifest as thoughts, impulses or "mental images" of committing an act they consider to be harmful, violent, immoral, sexually inappropriate, or sacrilegious. For individuals with pure obsessional OCD, these thoughts can be frightening and torturous precisely because they are so antithetical to their values and beliefs.]3
The website also goes on to say that [For many years it was thought that pure obsessional OCD was next to impossible to manage because there were no behaviors to treat, only thoughts.] Luckily, I found help in just having a good psychologist and a personal journal. I also found help in a member of my church who walked me through the low points when I couldn't shake the feeling that I was somehow excluded from God.4
Now, to continue, with help from the ocdla-5
[However, it should be noted that the term "pure obsessional OCD" is somewhat of a misnomer. While it may at first appear that these individuals experience obsessions without compulsions, a careful assessment almost always uncovers numerous compulsive behaviors, and avoidant behaviors, reassurance-seeking behaviors, and "mental compulsions,". These behaviors are not as easily observed as other, more obvious OCD symptoms, such as hand-washing and lock-checking, but they are clearly compulsive responses to unwanted obsessions. Some common examples of compulsions seen in pure obsessional OCD include:6
* avoiding numerous situations in which he or she fears the possible onset of their obsessions7
* repeatedly asking for reassurance that one has not and/or will not commit an act that he or she perceives as being "wrong" or "bad"8
* silently praying or repeating certain phrases in an effort to counteract or neutralize thoughts that one considers to be immoral or sacrilegious9
* repeatedly confessing to people, even total strangers, that one has had thoughts which he or she considers to be unacceptable10
* continually ruminating about obsessions in an attempt to prove to oneself that he or she has not done and/or will not do anything inappropriate]11
Before I go into detail about my experiences with the above mentioned items, I think it's interesting how my brain divides power with my OCD. My brain will let me worry about if teasing a friend about something we agree is funny is a sin, but balks at repeatedly checking to see if the oven is on or if a door is locked (thank goodness). I'm not a total basket case. I also have never really had problems with arranging things just right. My messy, lazy half won that battle in a landslide victory. OCD can be just as selective as it is inclusive, but maybe that really depends on the person himself/herself.12
Now, focusing on the asterisk'ed items above-13
-avoiding situations that I fear might provoke my OCD. YES. I have skipped a live, off-Broadway performance of "Jesus Christ Superstar" (which was really a shame, as I love Andrew Lloyd Webber) as well as declining to attend contemporary church services.14
-repeatedly asking for assurance. YES. I worry constantly about past sins, and pray often for forgiveness for the same wrong-doing, which actually goes against my creed, because once forgiven by Jesus, always forgiven. I don't know why my mind picks at the same old scabs.15
-silently praying or repeating certain phrases in an effort to counteract or neutralize thoughts. YES. For some reason, I say "I'm sorry" a lot. I can't help it. In my head, I mean. When I close prayers, they sound a little like this- I love you. In Christ Jesus name we pray. I'm sorry. Amen. I don't know where the "I'm sorry" comes from. It doesn't belong there, I don't feel sorry for praying to God. But it's always there, and the whole thing is said quickly, in a blur, in my brain. I don't think about it much, though, and I'm sure God accepts it as a part of my prayer that I can help. I believe the speed of it, though, is to distract my mind from thinking anything sacrilegious while I'm in conversation with God through prayer. I don't know how my brain allows me to simultaneously believe that God accepts me no matter what at the same time that I worry I'm doing something to make Him reject me. But, once again, I'm not like this every second of every day. It gets better.16
-repeatedly confessing to people, even total strangers. NO. Thank goodness. This is one case where my socially-intuitive side wins. I get annoyed enough when strangers spill out personal things to me, I would never do it to someone else. *Shudders*17
-continually ruminating about obsessions in an attempt to prove to oneself that he or she has not done and/or will not do anything inappropriate. YES. I don't want to talk about this one just yet.18
Also on the website was an OCD-related condition that I found very intriguing. It's called Olfactory Reference System and is [excessive, irrational fear that one is emitting a foul or unpleasant odor]. I'm not sure how one would go about curing that.19
Dr. Pysch- Alright Mary-Jo, to assure you that you have nothing to worry about, I am going to perform a very delicate, high-level procedure.20
Mary-Jo- And what would that be?21
Dr.- We call it the sniff test. Hold out your arm, please.22
MJ- *Screams* No! You'll be disgusted! You'll pass out!23
Dr.- Please refrain from all this excitement! *sniffs* Hmm. You smell like roses. You bathe well over three times a day, so it's to be expected. You could really get by on just one bath or two, you know.24
MJ- *weeping* Don't lie to me, I smell like horse farts!25
Anyway, I hope I've left something to think about. If you have any questions whatsoever, please, I'd be happy to try and answer them.
Author notes
I'm serious. Just ask me! And be careful not to mis-diagnose yourself just because you tend to put your pens in little rows at work and sort paperclips by color.
Hit me up. Not finished.
Comments
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Kk I've gotta ask... if you have a "tolerable" form of OCD... is it really OCD? That probably makes no sense. Nevermind. Hm... I enjoy reading these... because you filter out the interesting, relevant bits of scientific junk and and combine them with personal experience. Viola! You're incredible.
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This was a very interesting read. Sadly, the first association that came to my mind was Adrian Monk from the USA show. I am amazed each time I watch it how the character fights his very real fears, some of them repeatedly. And yet he keeps trying. Your work made me aware that some OCD tendencies are waaaay more mental (and I can kinda relate to a couple of them) than physical.
I have instant respect for you, dealing with the same fears/frustrations over and over, and you keep on keeping on, with a straightforward approach and a wonderful sense of humor in your writing.. Rewarded 8
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I can't thank you enough for your thoughtful comment, Valkyrie (and I love love love your name). If you were ever interested, I wrote two prequels to Pt. 3 that weren't quite so somber. Thank you for your time spent reading!
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Well to say the least this is very informative for those who do not recognize OCD as a disorder but at the same time couldn't help but applaud you for taking the step in telling others who don't know about it and writing it out
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you very much! What did you mean by "those who do not recognize OCD as a disorder?" Do you mean more of a mental illness, something assigned at birth, rather than a disorder, something that can be caused by outside influence?
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Fascinating stuff........
I am not, in the normal way of things, greatly interested in the psychological outpourings of those whose thoughts have too much of the navel-gazing about them. Sadly, these people are legion, but at least they tend to gravitate towards institutions of like-minded or at least similarly oriented others, and therefore can keep each other entertained for huge stretches of time, and leave the rest of humanity to get on with trying to make sense of the rest of the world.
But for me, OCD has a personal point of empathy, because I am a recovering gambler. It doesn't help that, for many years, I had an undiagnosed case of claustrophobia.
Now it may seem that such ailments scarcely come under the umbrella of OCD, and if you want to be pedantic about it, then the argument is marginally justifiable. If, on the other hand, you wish to be holistic about it, the relationship is fairly clear.
As you said in your piece, although there is plenty of information about the ailment, there is wide disagreement about its sympathetic and empathetic treatment, and this is as it should be, since otherwise all forms would be lumped together, and inappropriate treatments tried.
The main thing to hold on to is that OCD operates in mild forms with a fair percentage of the population. The film, "As Good As It Gets" was a stunning portrayal of a fairly virulent form of OCD, and for me, the really interesting point was how our picaresque main character was forced out of his comfort zone. He was compelled to face his demons, just as God intends for all of us. Something else you said caught my attention, where was it?
Para 4; just a quick thought, but have you heard how much this coincides with the parameters of cognitive behavioural therapy, sometimes referred to as talking therapy? It's a specific kind of "face your demons" therapy, really asks the questions that you need answered; the really great thing is that the sufferer answers the questions and decides the programme for tackling the aspects that frighten them most. Just a thought.. Rewarded 8
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