Warmth coursed through her slender body as lips brushed and eyes met. The freezing rain that pounded behind her was long forgotten. All her thoguhts zeroed in on one thing. Her mind was captivated by a single person who had somehow ensnared her heart.1
The rain continued to fall behind her, but the cold had no effect on her. His gentle embrace was warm and comforting. In his arms, she was invincible. With him there to help her, the stormy weather was gone and sun seemed to shine in its place. It was impossible to feel the frigid air biting at her skin. He was safety.2
It was strange how things had turned out. She was in the arms of the last person she'd ever expected herself to be with. For years she'd seen herself with one person and one person only and it wasn't the person who was keeping her safe.3
For the better part of ten years, Layla had been focused on one man. She'd wanted him for the longest time, but he wasn't the one who cared. He was merely attractive. There was nothing endearing about him and his blatant arrogance. But he was gorgeous and that was all that had mattered.4
Layla had gone to every single one of his soccer games, cheering on him and only him. There had always been that secret desire that somehow he'd hear her cheering and would see the girl she wanted him to see. Every time he scored a goal, a loud cheer errupted from the stands. She always tried to be the loudest. There was always that small sliver of hope that he would somehow notice her.5
With each and every cheer, a heart broke all over again. Luke loved her. Unbeknownst to her, she was the air he breathed and the sun that lit up his life. All she had to do was say the word and he would be there forever. His own desires weren't improtant. As long as she was happy, he was too. Whenever tears rolled down her lovely pale cheeks, he would wipe away the tears.6
For every dissapointment Jason gave her, Luke was there to pick up her heart and urge her on. More than anything he wanted to scream at her to give up. More than anything he wanted to shout out his love for her to the world. But he didn't. He was sure she loved Jason. The beautiful glimmer in her emerald eyes wasn't meant for him. And that hurt more than any broken bone he'd ever gotten.7
All in hopes of impressing his love, he joined the soccer team. While he'd never been too interested in the sport, he was sure that joining the team would open her oblvious eyes.8
Every cheer was reserved for Jason, though. Every once in a while, a small, encouraging smile was sent his way, but it never meant much. He was merely the best friend. Why should she have to cheer him on?9
Friend after friend attempted to set him up with some girl, but he refused. He didn't want some girl. He wanted Layla. Some girl couldn't brighten his day just by walking into the room. Some girl couldn't make him smile on the darkest days. Some girl couldn't ease the pain of heartbreak. Only the girl he'd known since kindergarten could do that.10
Agony ripped through his heart the day she asked that painful question. She wanted him to set her up with his team mate and secretly sworn enemy. She dared to ask him to set her up with Jason. As much as the pain threatened to controt his face and as much as the bitter tears stung, he agreed. 11
And then a miracle happened. Jason stood her up that stormy night. He'd gotten the hysterical call an hour after Jason was supposed to show.12
Ever fathful to his duty as the best friend, he went to get her. He didn't really have much of a choice. His heart had bound him to her.13
He wasn't sure how it happened, but she made it happen. As he appraoched, she ran up and hugged him. And he made his moved. A gentle kiss was placed upon her cherry red lips. It was delicately sweet and as gentle as he could manage.14
With one rainy-day kiss, life was suddenly so much brighter.
A contest entry
- Rain showers by trekkergirl.
200 points, ended August 28, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - When It Rains by IxLovexElphiex.
350 points, ended August 30, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
How was it?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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So beautiful and well-written!
Rainy days are so romantic....
I love the name "Luke."
And the character is just as wonderful. He was so selfless and caring, and it made me just want to huggle him and make him stop being sad. 
But Layla did that for me (eventually).
I hate it when girls and guys don't realize that their best friend is the one who loves them. I mean, seriously--if they've been best friends since they were wee children, wouldn't they be able to tell? It bothers me that some are so oblivious.
But then again, it makes for a classic plot.
You did such a nice job writing this. It's really fantastic; I truly enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing, and good luck in that contest!
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I think this needs to be revised for gender.
“All in hopes of impressing his love, he “
I't made me feel so romantic I want to go out on a rainy date now
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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this is good. Thanks for joining my contest. Good luck
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That was such a sweet piece! I loved the part where while she was being kissed the rain had simply 'fallen' away. There only one or two typos and Valkyrie already covered them, so nothing much for me to say really! Except great job, that is!
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Aww, what a cute story! Very sweet! I liked the description of how the rain went totally unfelt while the kiss was ongoing. So true.
A few typos I spotted:
P6: improtant = important
P7: dissapointment = disappointment
P8: oblvious = oblivious
P14: appraoched = approached, also moved = move
Also, passive verbs are very nearly never a good choice: P14, "A gentle kiss was placed upon her cherry red lips." might better read "A gentle kiss fell/landed/pressed/etc upon her cherry red lips." or "He placed a gentle kiss upon her cherry red lips." Sounds a bit, in the original text, like we're not sure where that kiss came from, and especially with it being so important for this story, you'll want us to know who's in on that kiss there.
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lol, great writing and yee jason!
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The title was very cute and fits the contest well. The begging did not drag me in as much as I would have liked, I think you need to start out was some short, snappy dialog, just to set the scene and scenario for the readers without just saying it. The detail was good, but it could be better if used with a higher vocabulary. You need to add dialog to make this more interesting and entertaining. Also, in Paragraph 14 you started a sentence with "And", and this is incorrect in both English grammar and English Modern.
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I'll keep that in mind, but you can use and if you want in creative writing. In essay writing, no. Creative writing it's a stylistic choice.
I'll work on the other stuff, though.
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wonderful
I want to read more. Thestory was perfect from start to finish. If you add to this I'd love to read it! With this story I don't see how you can lose.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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