Chapter One

These are my theories. This paper sickens me. It is taking the human population over. It, along with toilets, will one day rule the earth. Why, you ask? We, the people, are being trained to them. To write something, we put it on paper. When we have to pee, we use toilets, or pee on trees, which make paper. HAH! See what I'm getting at? Of course you do. In other news...DELAWARE IS SECEDING FROM THE UNITED STATES!!!! no...not really, but that probably made you say, huh? or at least got your attention. Now then, where was I. Ah, yes. I have come to a stunning realization. My shirt, that declares that I have animal magnetism, is true. Also, I have become aware that I am a peach fuzz infested squirrel. Yep. I have peach fuzz, hair, am slightly rabid, suicidal, and kamikaze. My shirt is TRUE!!!! When I go outside, squirrels stick to my clothes. It's true ain't it? I stick to my clothes, and since I'm a squirrel, HAH. I prove my point. Yes, my theories are these, with many more to follow.1