-Still Shadowed Echo-

I put on a sweater and wrapped my scarf around my neck.1

(A little girl’s attachment to her teddy bear2

Mirrors why I cannot let you go.3

She holds on tight. 4

The bear holds her heart.5

Such a perilous addiction you are to me.)6

I told my brother I was going for a walk, please don’t tell Mom when she gets back that I left the house. She’ll never know and doesn’t need  to know.7

So I left the house. I needed a break. I needed to get away for a while, to just escape.8

(My eyes reflect such a loneliness and solitude.9

Death-defying sentiment trapped inside.10

Longing to have you…11

Love is12

(you and me)13

A breathtaking yet terrifying emotion.)14

It was cold outside. It chilled my insides and made me shiver. I walked along the lighted side walks up to your house. Your truck wasn’t there, so I knew you weren’t home. I kept on walking up that street, listening to my music on my disc-man. I loved this song. It made me sad. It spoke out my heart.15

(Your eyes sing the song of mourning16

So mesmerizing the tune.17

You told me everything I needed to know.18

Why did I stay?)19

I wondered where you were. How I wished you were there with me, walking along with all the world forgotten. I missed your touch, your smile…I missed everything about you.20

Walking back, retracing my steps, the cold seemed to have hollowed out my insides. I couldn’t feel anything except this weird sense of being smothered on the inside. 21

I stopped at the corner and watched the snowflakes fall. They fell from the sky so beautifully. I watched in amazement as the encircled me. How I loved the snow.22

We never shared many moments with each other, but there were the few precious ones. Those I hold so dearly in my heart. 23

The light washed over me so gently. It seemed to sing to me that I was home. In the midnight sky the moon was fogged over, but I saw it smile at me from afar. I missed the purity of the moonlight. My eyes beheld the crimson shadows from within empty onto my wrists. Why do I hurt myself? I don’t even have a reason anymore.24

Tonight I forgot to feel. 25

(Your teeth grip my very soul26

Every inhalation breathes pieces of you 27

And I am gone astray in my delight.)28

I thought of you and realized you don’t feel anything for me. It overwhelmed me in such a sick torrent of emotion I almost puked again. 29

I walked home slowly and let my mind take over my body. The whispers placed her fingertips on my cold face and told me that I needed to let go of you. I needed to move on with my life. When I am older we just might meet again. And if not, that is okay. Because I will be okay.30

The next day I heard it again. "...Let go..."31

So I did. Thus begins my reluctant travels of forgetting about you.32