Just a dream.....

Maia was strolling in the dark path. A few trees were along it. No houses or any life forms were visible. And worst of all, it was dead silent. Even the wind made no noise. Maia shiverd. The thin, short, sleeveless, black dress didn't keep her warm. Her light-colored, long hair was in her face. 11

" Muh... " Maia spat, swiping it out of the way. Maia noticed a figure moved at the corner of her fearful, emerald eye. It was as dark as the night. Fear sended a shiver along her spine. " Who are you?! " Maia demanded. The figure let out a strange snort. The figure then came near. It looked exactly as she did!22

" Who are you? " Maia nearly screamed. " Who are you? " The figure echoed. Maia stepped back a little. Her black heels made a loud noise, and Maia's body trembled. " I am the inner you. Evil and full of vengence. Let me out. " The look-alike said. " Never! " Maia cried. Cold, salty tears blurried her vision. 33

The figure leaped at Maia. It knocked her down on the pointy road. Maia let out a loud gasp. She began to scream. The girl was tearing through the skin on her face with her razor-sharp nails. Blood was flowing heavily out of Maia's face. Maia tried to kick her off, but failed. " You are not me! " Maia screamed over and over again. The girl only laughed.44

Then, suddenly, the girl started choking Maia. Pain burted through her neck as the girl choked, and dug her nails into it. Maia started to loose contiousness. " So this is it. " She thought. Pure black imbibed her vision, then nothing.55

Panting, Maia woke up. She was sweating. Maia got out of the bed and staggerd into the bathroom. It was only a dream. Maia looked at her head. There was blood on her neck. Then, Maia noiced blood on her nails. " So I was really fighting myself in my sleep. " Maia wisperd aloud. 66

She went back into bed. " It was just a dream..... " Maia told herself. But she knew it wasn't. It was a nightmare..... One that could have killed her in her sleep. Maia couldn't fall asleep. And, she didn't want to..... 7

A contest entry

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Comments


  • CrimsonKitsune
    July 29

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    Very good. Suspenseful and keeps the reader on their toes. You could even continue this I think and end up with a good story. Keep up the great work!


  • Myra La-Ryn
    July 28

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    i agree with the other comment. This is really good, could expand it if you wanted to. It's very descriptive and very suspenseful. The story is very original, the dialog.... mmmm, could use a touch up but it's not bad as is so don't worry about it. Good job!


  • InsertClicheSNHere
    July 28

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    Non mal... Pourrait utiliser un peu plus de détail et un peu moins d'entretien, mais tout et tout, non mal..Entretenez le bon travail