Shutdown: Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE1

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Jo woke up in the hospital, and was very confused until she remembered the car crash. She sat up and saw her friends, Jake and David, who had been in the car with her. 3

“Hey David, Jake, wake up!” she said while getting out of bed. That’s when Jo noticed that none of the computers were on. David and Jake were awake now and David was making funny faces. “Where is everyone?” asked Jo out loud. 4

“Let’s find out.” Said David, “Hello? Anybody here?” he shouted at the top of his lungs. There was no response. 5

“Let’s get out of here,” said Jo, “This place creeps me out.” 6

“Everything creeps you out Jo,” said Jake. Jo looked at her friends trying to see if there were the inaccuracies she saw when she dreamed. But Jake still had the same short brown hair and hazel eyes and David still had his wolfish grin, brown curly hair and brown eyes. Jo looked at her reflection in the computer monitor, studying it hard. She still had her usual jet-black hair and it framed her electrically violet eyes. Jake tossed Jo her shoes, “If you want to leave, then lead.”7

The trio glanced out the window and saw that the street was completely deserted. “So where to now, scaredy Jo?” asked David. 8

“Now we find someone who knows what happened,” said Jo, “I want to know where everyone is.” 9

“Jo, we can do whatever we want and you want to find out where the rule makers, harsh college professors and criticizing employers are?” asked David. “Come on, let’s go.” Jake and David started walking down the hallway, but Jo hesitated. 10

“Come on Jo,” said Jake, “Stop being such a party pooper.” So Jo followed Jake and David to the nurses’ coffee room. It turned out to be a huge disappointment, also empty and while David was trying to get one of the vending machines to work, Jo just stood awkwardly by the door. Suddenly Jo thought she saw a flash, but by the time she thought to say anything, it was gone. She turned back to face David and Jake, “Don’t you get it?” she asked, “There’s no one here!” 11

“We kind of noticed that Jo.” Said Jake. 12

“Don’t you understand what that means? It means we have to start fending for ourselves I don’t know what happened but I’m going to find out.” Jo opened the door to leave but stopped when she saw that the boys weren’t following her. “Are you coming or would you rather stay here and act like children?” Jake and David reluctantly gave up trying to make the pinball machine work and joined Jo. 13

“This is boring anyway,” said Jake. Jo made sure they weren’t leaving anything behind and as she did she could have swore she saw the flash again. “Are you coming?” asked Jake. She nodded slowly and made sure it wasn’t imaginary while David and Jake started out the door. 14

Suddenly David shouted, “Jo! Get down!” Jo turned to see what was the matter and felt a bullet rip through her left shoulder. 15

“Run!” she screamed while scrambling to get up. The trio headed out the back door, Jo took a quick look at their attackers and only saw the gleam. Jake grabbed Jo and they kept running. 16

Jo’s shoulder throbbed as she ran. They burst through the back door and yelled in surprise when they heard gunfire. They ran as fast as they could, trying desperately to lose their pursuers but at every turn there was something blocking the way. Jo couldn’t take much more, her shoulder felt like it was on fire and she was getting dizzy as the blood dripped down. At long last they stopped and she was able to catch her breath. “We’re doomed.” Said Jake. Jo realized why: they had reached a dead end. Their pursuers emerged and the three friends were able to get their first look at them. The pursuers turned out to be three giant robots. They looked like 6 feet tall people except they were made of metal with a shining, glass head. Inside the head was a glittering core. It was blue and purple, and needles of it shot in and out of it like the flames of a sun. 17

The three robots stood, blocking the way out, raised their right arms and prepared to fire. Suddenly there was gunfire, but the trio didn’t feel anything. The next thing they knew, the robots were dead and in their place stood one man holding a smoking rifle. “Are you guys okay?” he asked. 18

Jake piped up, “Jo’s been shot in the shoulder.” 19

The man turned to David, “He looks fine to me.” He said. 20

“Not him, her!” said Jake.21

The man went over to her and said, “I’d better get you to the Keep.” Jo put her hand on her shoulder and, before she knew it, blacked out. 22

* * *23

Jo was getting sick of waking up in hospitals. 24

She started to sit up, but a man said, “Go easy.” Jo looked at him, then propped herself up and noticed her left arm was in a sling. 25

“Where are we? Who are you? What did you do to Jake and David?” 26

“Calm down. Your friends are fine. They’re probably getting the tour,” said the man. 27

“So, where are we?” 28

“Welcome to the Keep,” he said. Jo looked around and saw that they were sitting in the Times Square subway station. 29

“I’m called SharpShooter. You are?” 30

“I’m Jo.” She replied, “It’s a nickname.” 31

“So, when are you going to tell me your real name?” asked SharpShooter. 32

“After you,” Jo replied while observing him. He had pure green, emerald like eyes which popped out of his face like headlights in the shaggy darkness which was his hair. Even sitting down, he appeared tall about six feet, just a few inches taller then her. Jo also noticed that he had two scars, the larger one curved right over the collar of his t-shirt and the other was a thin line that went across his right cheek.33

“What happened?” Jo asked. 34

SharpShooter knew full well she was talking about his scars, but chose to talk about the attack, “Where do you start…For us it was the end of the world. Things stopped working. Cell phones, pagers, digital planners, computers, they all just shut off. Cars and planes wouldn’t respond and then the artificial intelligence prototypes broke loose.” 35

“The car crash and the robots.” SharpShooter looked confused. 36

“I was carpooling with David and Jake and we crashed. That’s why we were in the hospital.” Said Jo. “The robots back at the hospital were the prototypes from the capital, weren’t they?” 37

SharpShooter nodded, “Wait, you say you were in the hospital? I had people check there, and besides, the machines check everywhere, everyday. It doesn’t make sense.” He ended his sentence abruptly, “It’s late, Jo. You should get some sleep, tomorrow you and your friends are going to join the family.” 38

The next morning, Jo woke up with David and Jake by her cot. 39

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Said David. 40

“What’s on the agenda?” asked Jo as she stretched. 41

“Well, SharpShooter said he would show us some basics and then we would go with him to scout the city for more survivors,” said Jake. 42

“What do I do about this?” asked Jo, pointing to her sling. 43

“You shoot with one hand,” said SharpShooter walking in suddenly, “Come on, let’s go.” 44

SharpShooter took the three friends to another part of the tunnel, handed them some pistols and a few extra clips each, “Trigger is here, and this is how your reload.” 45

David and Jake did it easily enough. Jo, on the other hand, had a little bit more trouble, but she got it eventually. “Unfortunately for you,” said SharpShooter, “ammunition is too scarce to waste on target practice. So we’re going to be putting you right on the field.” The trio realized that they had been walking to the exit. 46

“Isn’t there a huge chance that we’ll be killed?” asked Jake. 47

“That’s why you’re with me.” 48

“That’s how you got your name, isn’t it?” Jo asked. 49

“Exactly,” said SharpShooter, “Aim for their heads, shoot any robot you see, we bring all survivors to the Keep. Most important of all, stay where I can see you.” 50

As soon as they got outside Jake and David ran around acting like James Bond. Jo just stayed close to SharpShooter. 51

“So everything…everyone is gone?” asked Jo. 52

SharpShooter nodded, “Everything we thought was going to last, culture, music, books… all gone.” 53

“My parents?” asked Jo, hopefully. 54

“The people in the Keep are the only nearby survivors that we know of.” Replied SharpShooter. Suddenly, they heard gunshots.55

Jo and SharpShooter found David and Jake hiding behind a wall. 56

“They’ve got people,” said David. 57

SharpShooter took a peek from behind the wall, “Frak.” He muttered, “If we come out from behind this wall, we’ll be gunned down before we take one step. Not only that, they have 5 survivors. We’ll get the machines when they come out from behind the wall.” 58

“What about the survivors?” asked Jo, “We can’t just…” 59

“We don’t have a choice.” The four heard the machines coldly execute the five survivors, “Jo, Jake, David, I want you to get away from here now! Run as fast as you can back to the Keep.” The three friends didn’t need to be told twice: they were nearly a block away by the time the machines emerged from the wall. SharpShooter shot the first one while running backwards. He fired a shot at the second one, missed and tripped on a rock, accidentally throwing his gun out of reach. SharpShooter got up and started to run to get it but the third robot shot him in the leg before he’d taken one step. SharpShooter waited for his execution as the robot stood over him. Instead, the robot fell to the ground. The last two robots followed suit. SharpShooter looked around for one of the experienced survivors like his friend Speed or RapidFire. Instead he saw Jo, standing about 10 yards away holding her gun. Jo ran over to SharpShooter while David and Jake tried to catch up. 60

“I thought I told you to get far away,” said SharpShooter. Jo pulled a burgundy bandana with her initials in white on it and tied it around his wound. She looked at him, 61

“I did go, I just came back.” 62

By that time Jake and David had caught up and busied themselves reprimanding Jo. “The next time you pull off a stunt, do you mind giving us a heads up?” asked Jake. 63

“You need to be a lot less random,” said David. Jo ignored Jake and David and helped SharpShooter up. 64

“Let’s get you to the Keep,” she said. 65

“Jo, how many shots did you fire?” he asked. 66

“Three,” she replied, not understanding why it was so important. 67

“Hold up for a minute, I want to take a look at the toasters,” he said, hopping over to them. 68

“SharpShooter, they’re dead.” But he wasn’t paying attention. He looked at Jo, then back at the machines, “You hit the bull’s eye.” 69

“Look, you’re shot and I really think…” 70

“Just look at this Jo.” He pointed at one of the heads, “You shot it right in the center of the core.” 71

“Whoa,” said David. 72

“Can we just get to the infirmary?” asked Jo, slightly embarrassed, “You’re bleeding pretty bad,” SharpShooter conceded and limped, with Jo’s help, back to the Keep. 73

When they got there SharpShooter’s blond and blue-eyed friend, who was called RapidFire, directed them to a cot in the infirmary. 74

“You guys weren’t out too long,” she commented. “Did one of the rookies forget their gun was loaded?” she asked. 75

“Lady, we’re not stupid, okay?” said Jake. RapidFire rolled her eyes and started tending to SharpShooter. 76

“So is the count up? she asked. 77

SharpShooter shook his head, “We found 5, but the situation was terrible: we couldn’t do anything.” 78

“5 survivors?” SharpShooter explained exactly what happened. When SharpShooter told her about Jo’s deadly accuracy, RapidFire didn’t even bat an eye. 79

“Beginner’s luck,” she said as she walked away. 80

David was a little angry, “Like she can do better?” he asked glaring at her as she walked away. 81

“Speed?” SharpShooter called to a brown-haired guy who was probably in his early twenties, “Speed, I want you to take the recruits out again.” He turned to Jo, “See if you can make that aim repeat itself.” 82

It was basically a hunting mission. Speed explained that occasionally, if they found a toaster hideout, the survivors sent out a strike team to eliminate it. 83

When they reached their destination Speed gave a rundown of the drill, “Shoot all targets. There are never any chances of survivors here.” 84

He paused, “On my signal we’ll open fire. David, you cover the left flank, Jake will take the right, and Jo…you’re going to take the center with me.” They took deep breaths.85

“NOW!” said Speed. David and Jake jumped out and each nailed a kill. Speed ran faster than Jo had ever seen anybody run, sneaking a shot every now and then. Jo on the other hand didn’t come out from behind the wall. 86

“Jo! Come on!” shouted Speed, “Open fire!” Jo just sat behind the wall, breathing hard and breaking out into a cold sweat. She only emerged when she heard David and Jake shouting for help. 87

Jo looked for Speed, but he was backed up against a wall with a gun to his head, “LEAVE THEM ALONE!!” she screamed, pulling her gun from the hip holster and shooting each of the machines in rapid succession. 88

“Nice timing,” said Jake. 89

“Hey Jo,” Speed was walking over, “the next time you feel like showing off, do it without waiting until our lives are in danger.” 90

“She wasn’t showing off,” said David. Speed just rolled his eyes, “Let’s head back to the Keep. We’re done here.” 91

When they got back to the Keep, Jo just went to her sleeping bag and cleaned her gun. Meanwhile Speed went to talk with SharpShooter. 92

“Hey Sharp.” 93

“Hey, how did the hunt go? Did you unplug any toasters?” 94

“We need to talk about this rookie you’ve taken under your wing.” 95

“I know Jake and David fool around, but with time…” 96

“I’m talking about Jo.” SharpShooter looked surprised. 97

“What did she do?” 98

“She’s a show off. She didn’t stick to the plan! Instead she waited until we were about to be killed to come out from behind that wall.” 99

“Look Speed… maybe she froze.” 100

Speed didn’t look convinced, “Sharp…” At that moment Jo walked in and Speed cut himself off, “Hi HotShot,” he said to Jo. SharpShooter looked disapprovingly at Speed. 101

“I have to go,” said Speed after an awkward moment of silence. 102

“I think he’s mad at me because I froze,” said Jo as Speed left. “He thinks I was showing off.” 103

SharpShooter pretended he didn’t know anything, “What happened?” 104

“I just froze.” Replied Jo, “I tried to tell myself to go, but my body wouldn’t obey my head. It wasn’t until Jake and David yelled for help that I was able to make myself do anything.” 105

“Between you and me, Speed hates you.” Jo shrugged, “He’ll get over it though.” 106

“Enough about me, how’s the leg?” 107

SharpShooter shrugged, “I’m pretty much good as new, just a little bit longer in bed.” Jo sighed, “Hey Jo…” she looked at SharpShooter, “Chin up Jo, everything will be okay.” 108

Jo left the infirmary and headed for the cafeteria. As she walked, David and Jake joined her. At the cafeteria, the three friends were viewed with suspicion, especially Jo. RapidFire brushed past her, 109

“Hi HotShot.” She said. 110

“Hi.” 111

“I’m glad to see how much you care.” 112

Jo bristled, “That’s not what happened.” She said through clenched teeth. 113

“Since you’ve been here we lost 5 survivors, SharpShooter has been shot, and today you put three of us at risk so you could get the spotlight.” RapidFire was pushing Jo towards a corner and more people were joining her. Jo looked around desperately for a friendly face, but David and Jake were nowhere to be seen. 114

“There are no superstars here, HotShot, and if you won’t consider the safety of the whole, we won’t consider yours.” Said RapidFire. Suddenly someone grabbed Jo’s hands and RapidFire let loose a slew of kicks and punches. Jo tried to curl up but she was held firmly in place. RapidFire dealt blow after blow. Jo could feel her eye swelling and a slow trickle of blood as someone shouted.115

“Leave her alone!” Jake and David fought through the crowd with SharpShooter limping behind them. 116

“What are you doing RapidFire?” asked SharpShooter. 117

“She’ll get us all killed.” Said RapidFire, “I’m doing what you don’t have the courage to do.” Members of the mob dragged the thrashing David, Jake and SharpShooter away. RapidFire threw Jo against the wall a few times then dragged her out of the Keep. 118

“You are no longer welcome here. Goodbye HotShot.” RapidFire dragged her beyond the outer patrol and left her there. 119

Author notes

If you liked this here are the links to the other chapters:
http://storywrite.com/story/189474 (Chapter 2)
http://storywrite.com/story/189478 (Chapter 3)
http://storywrite.com/story/189480 (Chapter 4)
http://storywrite.com/story/192442 (Chapter 5)
http://storywrite.com/story/196928 (Chapter 6)
http://storywrite.com/story/207048 (Chapter 7)
http://storywrite.com/story/212624 (Chapter 8)

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Otacon
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    There was a random black out, right? How do they already have a keep set up? XD

    If technology stopped working and robots took over the world, how did they get into a car crash at all?

    Why is that guy named sharp shooter? I mean, I get that he's a sharp shooter, but why? XD I bet rapidfire fires his gun really quickly and speed just happens to be very fast.

    Is there a guy named Good Food who's the chef of the keep? XD!

    Why are they beating her up? What a bunch of jerks XD

    This could be good if you:
    -described things a bit better. You say things like "they both killed someone" and "they ran down the alley to find a dead body." But, HOW did they kill someone? What was the alley like? Was the dead body full of maggots? Stuff I need to know. :3
    -fixed your quotes. It's not just the whole "lack of new paragraph" thing, either.

    Correct: "Hello," said Jeff.
    Incorrect: "Hello." Said Jeff.

    Correct: Jeff exclaimed, "Whoa!"
    Incorrect. Jeff exclaimed. "whoa!"

    Yep, you get the idea... There's an article around this site about quotations; it's very informative.
    -didn't make the story so overly fast-paced. Slow it down a bit. Add some time in between action. I don't mean like "we shot an alien" TWO WEEKS LATER "we shot two aliens this time." But just get a good pace for this, if you catch my drift.
    Which might be hard to catch; I'm throwing rather hard.

    Yeah so, needs some work, edit if you want, has great potential and other fun stuff.


    • Myra La-Ryn
      February 10
      Edit | Reply
      Love this comment!!! Seriously.
      So, as you've noticed the story is pretty rough. Most of my stuff on here is. So... to answer some of your questions:
      1) Yeah, the whole Keep thing is pretty absurd from a realistic standpoint, I won't even try to debate that one.
      2)What happened is that the car's battery stopped working, but that doesn't mean that the car stopped: it just lost control -> crash.
      3)Yes, the whole name things is a bit 'tard. SharpShooter's name came from when he was in a gang bunches of years ago, 7 to be exact. He basically called himself that to look kind of tough.
      4)They're basically beating the crap out of her b/c they think she'll endanger their survival. Also semi-'tard but
      Thanks for your suggestions; I do need to majorly work on my descriptions.
      Anyhow, thanks again!


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You paragraphs tend to flow into one another, making it hard to piece together the story. The idea is interesting, albeit not entirely original. I like the concept, nonetheless.

    You could polish this up a bit: a proofreader would do well for grammar checks.

    The aliases were interesting, too, but rather predictable.

    All in all, however, the story was interesting and well thought out. Great work, keep on writing

    • Myra La-Ryn
      December 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah. I wrote this for a couple friends (Jake and David) so I really wasn't all that motivated to come up with something original, but thanks for the comment.

      p.s. it's actually finished if you want to check it out.


  • Iridessa
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    To make it less abrupt, you could hae started with the actual car crash, maybe make it vague and give it a kind of mystery, which is probably more suitable than, "Jo woke up..." for this.


  • GrimDeath
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very intersting. Its good but also alittle confusing since you didn't break down the conversations into their own paragraphs every time you switched people. Other than that its good.


  • Midnight-Engaged
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My very first thought was that it started much too quickly that really disappointed me. It seemed like in only two paragraphs they had learned and accepted that no one was there and should just leave. It didn't feel realistic.

    Actually, the whole thing went kind of fast. I would try to make the first part an entire chapter and put in WAY more detail. Jo is obviously the main character; why not tell us more about how she's feeling? Like, when she's nervous, terrified, stuff like that. We want to feel her emotions.

    The storyline is amazing, by the way. It's truly captivating and I wonder what poor Jo is going to do now....

    Try to watch your grammar sometimes too. And whenever a new person speaks, press enter and start a new paragraph before you put the " in. It's sometimes confusing to know who's speaking unless you do it that way.

    The ending is wonderful. It definitely leaves the reader wanting more. I would continue reading this anyday.

    Needs some work, but this could be incredible.

    • Myra La-Ryn
      August 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, when the whole story is finished I plan to come back and edit this part. The rest of it is a lot more detailed, at least, what I've written. I started this out as a gift for some friends of mine (the basis for Jake and David) so I didn't put a whole lot of work into the beginning. I knew I wanted to make her wake up in a hospital and I knew the basic dialog. So I basically filled in the gaps with some really bad stuff (i.e. the arcade)

      I'm trying to work on the whole new paragraph for each person thing. The other chapters follow that criteria a bit better.

      Thanks for your comment, and for putting up with a really bad beginning. If you really are interested, chapters 2-6 are on my page, although I wouldn't read 6. I'm doing major edits to that one.

      Thanks again for reading, and the great comment!
      MLR


  • Mel-the-Believer
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was actually pretty interesting. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it works. Thank you so much for entering. Good luck. God Bless!


    • Myra La-Ryn
      August 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for reading. If you're interested, chapters 2-6 are posted on my page.
      Thanks for the contest!
      MLR

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