Beachy Situation - The Twenty Minute Death

Jogging through the sand was one of the highlights of Jerry's day. 1

The sand giving way under his 200 pound frame made him feel as though he were a wild animal running across the African plains. It made him feel strong and powerful, even though it was the only time in his day that he felt that way. For those four miles, Jerry could feel like the predator.2

During the rest of the day, Jerry spent the majority of his time running scared.....Scared of the bill collectors, scared of the next hurricane, scared of his boss, but most importantly.... Jerry was scared of himself. 3

As he ran across the hot sand on this particular August day, Jerry had an unusual surge of strength and decided to run a bit further than his usual. Instead of stopping at the tip of the point that jutted out into the ocean, he instead followed the bend into a whole new strip of uncluttered sand. 4

Oddly, as Jerry went further down this strip of beach it became whiter and whiter under his feet. The sand was hotter than the usual tan-colored sand on his normal trek. It occurred to him that he had never been here in the twenty years he had lived in Surf City. It had never occurred to him that it was even there. 5

As hot as the sand was under his feet, it was worth it. The beauty of this new strip of beach was breathtaking. The ocean seemed to calm down on this side of the beach, and the waves lovingly flowed into the shoreline. The white sand created an almost mirror like effect on the skyline. The contrast was striking, and almost blinding in its brilliance. 6

Looking ahead, Jerry could see a lone figure sitting on the sand about a quarter of a mile away. They were sitting quite still, and seemed to be looking out at the ocean.7

As he approached the figure, he was intrigued to see that it was a female. She was sitting cross legged on the sand and had her hands resting calmly on her knees. She almost appeared to be meditating. 8

As he passed in front of her, he glanced over and waved. 9

She never blinked once. Her stare was fixed on something distant in the water, and Jerry had not even remotely shook her from whatever was holding her attention. 10

Instinctively, Jerry slowed and followed her gaze out across the water. At first, he saw nothing. After squinting a bit harder, he noticed what looked like a human body floating out on the water face down, and just past the breakers. 11

Circling back around to the lady Jerry cautiously asked if she was okay.12

Looking up at him, she smiled and said, "Hello, Jerry. We have been waiting for you."13

Confused, Jerry looked at her and instinctively said, "We?"14

"Yes, we have been expecting you for some time now," the lady said matter of factly while raising her arms from her knees to gesture outward. With a wave of her hand towards the ocean she seemed to be saying that the ocean was waiting for him as well. 15

Disregarding her obvious confusion, Jerry asked, "How do you know my name?"16

"They told me" she quipped with the same grand gesture towards the ocean. 17

"Who are you talking about? The last time I looked, the ocean does not speak or..." Jerry's eyes could not believe what they were seeing as he looked out toward the ocean. He scratched at them with a vengeance and looked again. 18

What had been a lone figure floating in the water was now about twenty people and they were all floating face first right at the shoreline. Every figure was wearing a bright red, full body diver's suit, and all of them appeared to be dead.19

Quickly looking back at the lady sitting in the sand, Jerry realized that she was gone. Completely gone. In a matter of seconds, this lady had disappeared from sight entirely. 20

Looking up and down the shoreline, there was absolutely no sign of the woman or anyone for that matter. As he looked back to the sand dunes, he tried to figure if she could have had time to get beyond them. 21

As he looked at the completely undisturbed sand between where she was sitting and every direction possible, Jerry shuddered. Had he just seen a ghost? 22

Then he turned back to the shoreline and noticed that the bodies were still there, bobbing up and down with each gentle wave that slid to the shore. 23

Instinctively, he went towards them. As he got closer he noticed that they all appeared to be men, and they all had brown hair. By the time he reached them, they were virtually still on the shore, and appeared to be lifeless. 24

Hesitantly, he reached down to the first body and turned it over. 25

A lightening chill ran down Jerry's back as he looked at the bloated, drowned face of a man that looked just like himself. He even had the little scar under his left eye that he had gotten in the fifth grade. 26

Unable to look away, Jerry was jolted out of his trance by sudden movement all around him. 27

Each of the twenty bodies sat up in the foam of the shore and looked at Jerry through empty eye sockets that seemed to be infinite in depth and darkness. They all looked just like him.28

In unison, they said, "Hello Jerry. We have been waiting for you."29

As he turned to run away, the lady grabbed him in an embrace that was cold as the Arctic. 30

Especially, me."31

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • zuniac
    July 26, 2008
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    Thanks Drac. This is actually just the first chapter. More to come that might clear up where it is headed. Glad you enjoyed it!


  • Drac
    July 26, 2008

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    I can't quite know what to make of the plot itself and the end in particular... But I really like this piece!
    I think it's very well written, and it definately grabs you and won't let you go until it's done... And that's great! =)
    I'm not sure exactly what was going on there in the end, and my theories could be neverending, but I suspect there is no final answer? Anyway, I love tha imagery used, and I just overall like this story alot, well done =)

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 5.