*rasies sleeves* This contest could not come at a better time and believe me I've been waiting for quiet sometime to let this out so here it goes.1
Twilight, so many people ask me if I've read the series. My answer: Yes. I'll admit just like a few other users in this contest that the first book was very good on its own the fact that it was continued made me want to stab out my retinas burry them in dirt and set them on fire. The fact that there was even New Moon or Eclipse made me want to commit suicide.2
Of course you would ask if the books were that god awful why would I read them? Quiet simple I have some sort of book OCD that if I start a series I must finish it, hence why I finished Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings I loved them. Expecting some fabulous story from the next book was not asking too much but of course I was wrong. In the second book Bella, who I've hated from the start gets all emo because her beloved Edward leaves her so she decides to become a numb zombie who cries and bitches the whole time while seeking comfort in Jacob.3
I mean how can a girl be so god damn emotional all the time I mean she's always crying, whining, complaing, I mean what do Edward and Jacob see in her? Honestly if I was either of them I'd bound and gag her and throw her sorry ass over a cliff. Thank god Stephanie Meyers lives no where near me or I'd cut her body into bitze size pieces burn it with acid and flush it down the toilet. I mean not only was Eclipse so damn boring of course we have the obessive 12 to 15 year olds with their "Team Edward" shirts waiting outside Barnes&Nobles to buy their $60 dollar hard cover novel which will be on clearance the next month. 4
Oh and what really irks me is when some crack snorting news reporter compared the series to Harry Potter! Please that abomination of a series does not even hold a candle to Harry Potter. Those books were just sheer, just wow J.K. Rowling has true talent. When I heard that I just wanted to launch my fist through our TV but I didn't cause its brand fucking new.5
Don't even get me started on that piece of flith movie. The trailer made me vomit pieces of my soul. With all of its lame effects and cheesy dialouge. I will not even step foot into the movies when that movie is showing because the last thing I want is to be swarmed by fan girls swooning over Edward and the five year old that plays Jacob.6
The fact that all these girls sit at home whining how they don't have their own Edward is just fucking stupid. I mean he doesn't exist and if he did he died in the 1900's get over it. He's fictional you will never find a real Edward because face it ladies men like Edward do not exist. Hey I watched The Notebook and fell in love with Noah but I knew deep down in my heart that there wasn't going to be some guy sending me letters everyday confessing his love to me.7
Get over it he's not coming to your window at night. Why? Cause its fucking creepy thats why. If I ever saw some guy outside my window he'd be on the Sex Offenders list the next day.8
Also I don't get why Edward is so god damn infatuated with Bella I mean she claims she's head over heels in love with him yet she cringes when she hears the word "husband" and "marriage" hey you're getting married at 17 that should be enough problems you're not even old enough to well do just about anything except be a whiny bitch. 9
Also I believe this whole Twilight Series is a conspiarcy to keep us teens further distracted from the important decisions like I don't know... VOTING! I mean if Stephanie My-pain-in-the-ass wrote a series on why we should all Vote for Barack Obama would teen girls be swooning over Obama?! This I believe is another distraction keep all of us ignorant to the fact that hey one of these days Korea might kill us all but it doesn't matter cause I'm too busy day dreaming about my never happening wedding to a fictional vampire.10
Seriously after Breaking Dawn these books should be shoved in a valut 200,000 feet below the earth's surface never to see the light of day. Its already plagued our generation we don't need it to damage our children.
Author notes
I'd like to thank Linkin Park for they are the ones who fueled this rant.
A contest entry
- Tired of Twilight? Here Ya Go! by WritersEffigy.
175 points, ended August 5, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - So Many Options... by Kagamine Rin.
300 points, ended August 30, 2008, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Rants, rants, and more RANTS. by Kagamine Rin.
400 points, ended September 11, 2008, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I Want Your Rants by WeAreOceansAway.
450 points, ended December 26, 2008, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I completely understand where your coming from. Hated the series after reading it, though the first book wasn't as bad. Still, I wouldn't ever re-read them.
Thanks for the great rant! -
I love rants against Twilight! I love it! So much Mary Sue and Gary Stueness. I used to like it. Heck, now, I think it's just some major pile of donkey sh*t. But then again, we all have our opinions.
I wish you luck in my contest! =3 -
Honestly, I loved the third and first books, but the second one did upset me greatly. It's like Stephanie Meyer is showing that if a girl loses her guy then she's nothing and can't continue living until he comes back. WE ALREADY HAVE GIRLS DOING THAT!
I did like the third book, though Meyer's writing style greatly irritates me. I'm not sure what, but it's just so BLEH that if she didn't have such an amazing story behind the words, I would never have read it at all.
When it comes to Harry Potter, by the way, there is NO COMPARISION whatsoever, and I cannot believe people try. Harry Potter was a work of literary art, Twilight was a good idea. HP was written amazingly and left the reader with so many emotions going in all different directions, Twilight, has nothing to even say to that. I do, however, think both series' are officially dead and cannot wait for the craze to be over them both. But ESPECIALLY Twilight.
The best way I can connect the writing styles/overall amazingness of the Meyer/Rowling books would be to say that to have written the HP books was like putting together a twenty thousand pice puzzle (so much excitement, so many repetitive details that would be nearwize impossible to distinguish between let alone come up with), while Twilight was more like a hundred piece puzzle. No comparison whatsoever, though both puzzles still look pretty in the end.
And your rant amused me.
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Yupperz.
I totally agree with some points! I have a Twilight Rant, to, on how people think it's the greatest thing ever. Bella *coughs* Mary Sue *coughs*. Edward *cough* Gary Stu *coughs* I wish you the best of luck in my contest. -
WHOAH O.O
Lol. Thank goodness I never read Twilight But I'm not too hot about Harry Potter either (never read it, movies kind of boring and long)
I think Twilight is being compared to Harry Potter by its popularity, not quality. *ponders*
Used a lot swear words there deary
Anyways, nice rant! 
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I read the first book and didn't finish it because it got boring to me. The movie edward is ugly, the movie bella isn't pretty. This was so funny. I clapped. My friends love them. The books are okay to me. For the movie they should have casted better looking people. I don't tend to finish reading the series.
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lol! ranty, mc ranty pants! its just a story eeaaasy. we can't all like the same thing. get that into your stubborn skull. And why can't girls be like..i love edward. u think they don't know he isn't real? but whats wrong with fantasizing? eh? What would life be with out fantasies. You think about that Miss anti-twilight. Now i understand that some starry eyed girls tend to take their fascination with edward over-board, and so what? it happens and it will keep happening and you know what the best part is?...there's nothing u haters can do about it.
but rant, rant oh..and rant some more.
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I don't like this series either although my friend keeps trying to get me to read the damn series and love it as much as she does. I've never liked it and after reading it, nothing changed my mind. You had great points in this as well and I agreed with you about a lot of stuff you mentioned. And that book was $60? Damn, I'd never spend that much money on a book like that. The only time I spent so much money on one was Nikki Sixx's book. And although I'm not that much into Harry Potter, I do agree that Harry Potter is better than this Twilight series.
Good job.
~Christina~ -
wow.
sounds to me like your just stuck up and more than a little p-oed about not being able to write anything that people actually hold interest in.
so good job and doing exactly what you think bella does,
whining.
and WHY would you say its the truth about the Twilight Series?
Its YOUR opinion, and you didnt provide any new information about it.
Stop writing about something that maybe YOU just dont understand.
Im not even a die hard fan, but it makes me mad when people express their opinions and then claim its the "truth". Newsflash, your opinion doesnt matter enough to be considered the "truth"
sorry, but come on!
(although Harry Potter IS better, i have to agree)
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You're very violent with your writing, lol. I hope you don;t get flamed for this. I know very little about twilight or anytrhing but I see that name everywhere. I agree that Harry Potter is way better, from what I have seen of it though.
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I can see your point, but you did exaggerate a little. I know countless people who've read the series and loved it. None of them sit at home whining about why they don't have an Edward.
While I understand there're always going to be people who hate a series, the people you described are over the top. Not all Twilight fans are like that. Those that are, well, they need help. Badly.
Your rant does have some good points, but you know, everyone has their own opinion. (I personally dislike the Harry Potter series.) This was a well-ranted opinion. Good job!
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i liked the series but bella got kind of old after a while
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I like the series a lot! but at times I must agree with you. But I am Team Jacob. Not Team Edward.
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Oh. My. God....I love you Mira!!!!!!!
This is so awesome!!! Brilliantly done! I just read Lily's rant too, and thus am in anit-Twilight frenzy. xD
And you're so right. Plus, Edward is...dead. He's a frigging corpse. Gag.
I wouldn't kiss a corpse if you paid me. 
Wonderful write Miranda.
Your inane niece,
-HT
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$60 dollars? Are you serious?
I'd encourage children to buy drugs with that money before the next book. Thanks for entering!
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the last time I checked the book was worth about 20 dollars and besides, there are so many Borders Rewards things out there that you can get it for like 15.
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It's about a third of that. $60 is a major exaggeration.
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