The Adventures of Cam the Great

Beer Pong Sucks1

Hello, my name is Cam the Great and I am renowned around the world for my bodaciousness. Due to my amazing abilities of being above average in every aspect of life, except throwing. I don't know why, but for some reason I have the inability to throw/toss a ball and/or catch it, but that'll be brought up later in the story. Anyway, due to my greatness, I was invited to the party of the year. Everyone who was anyone would be there, and I am the bees knees, so of course I got the first invite.2

This party was at the ultimate assembly house, with enough magic potion (alcoholic beverages) to kill a boat full of sailors.3

When all the guests arrived the drinking began. I myself prefer the grand old mix of beer and vodka. I don't know why, and most people think I'm crazy, but the mix just seems to fit. Like spaghetti and meatballs. I also like to get drunk without drinking a lot, so of course, I drink a shit-load as fast as possible and then go chill in the hot-tub at the back of the house and let the alcohol simmer. 4

While I'm simmering in the hotness of boiling water, and feeling quite typsy if I do say so myself, everyone else was inside getting drunk the slow, old-fashioned way. 5

Now that the heat from the tub had gotten be quite drunk, not shit-faced, just drunk, and preceded back to the center of the party. So we're dancing and singing when a challenge was thrown into the air, "BEER PONG!" 6

Beer pong the ultimate drunken game. One that takes stamina, balance, and the ability to throw. Unfortunately, I do not have that ability even when I'm sober. Also quite unfortunate, I cannot turn down a challenge, especially when I'm drunk. So I throw up the answer to the challenge, "BRING IT ON PUSSY!" 7

It was one on one. Me vs. Bobby. Everytime you threw the pong into the opposing person's beer the man on the losing end had to drink. Ten beers on each side. Loser has to drink the champions left-over beers too. 8

The game begins and my weakness shows. After about five minutes, Bobby has won without me scoring once. So, being the gentleman I am, I honor the game's rules and drink twenty cups of beer. This leaves me quite handicapped. Imagine a handsome young man, with a twitchy eye, and replace his legs with jelly. That was me after the beers. 9

I would like to tell you more of the story but I don't remember. I woke up the next day on the garage floor covered in sweat and smelling like liquor. So I did what every drunk does with a hang-over. I went to the nearest Mcdonalds and got some breakfast.